How to Make Foreplay Better (and Why It Matters)

How to Master the Art of Foreplay

Just as there are various sexual positions and sex toys, there are numerous types of foreplay to explore. Some of these foreplay activities are sexual in nature, and others are less so, but they all work toward the same purpose: a satisfying sexual experience for you and your partner.

From sexting to kissing and cuddling, foreplay plays a major role in building connection, increasing arousal, and enhancing intimacy.

Not sure where to start with regard to foreplay ideas? We know of a few ways to tease, entice, and arouse. Ahead, find various foreplay techniques, strategies, and tips to make sex more fun and satisfying for everyone involved.

Is Foreplay Sex?

Not exactly.

Also called outercourse, foreplay can take the form of sexual and non-sexual activities, all meant to increase sexual tension and arousal before intercourse, penetrative sex, or another intimate activity. Basically, any non-penetrative intimate act could be defined as a type of foreplay if it gets the body and brain primed for orgasm during the sexual encounter.

Foreplay can be physical, verbal, digital, or all or none of the above. It can happen right before sex, throughout the day, or even days before sex might take place.

Many people think of foreplay as a precursor to sex, but it can also be the main event if that’s what you’d like.

That said, the average couple engages in some form of foreplay for roughly 10 minutes before sex, according to research.

What’s the Point of Foreplay?

It’s a common question — especially if you’ve grown up with the idea that foreplay is optional or secondary.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), few women climax during intercourse alone. And other research estimates that 67 percent of women have faked an orgasm during sex. This also affects men, but according to the research, to a lesser degree.

With that in mind, foreplay is one of the best ways to boost intimacy and give both partners the time and space to feel fully aroused and connected. And it benefits both men and women.

How Does Foreplay Lead to the Best Sex?

Here are a few key benefits of foreplay:

• It gives you a chance to warm up. Foreplay promotes lubrication and gets your blood flowing to the right places, ensuring you’re both sufficiently aroused for penetrative sex. This might be helpful for women with vaginal dryness and men with psychological ED (erectile dysfunction) or sexual performance anxiety.

• It gets you on the same page. Dealing with a libido that’s different from your partner’s? You can get on the same page by connecting, expressing turn-ons, or simply spicing things up.

• It might make sex more satisfying. Once you get to the actual act (whether that’s penetration or something else), foreplay might give you and your partner a better chance at reaching orgasm. Foreplay may also help you last longer during penetrative sex.

• It’s fun. Foreplay should feel engaging, enjoyable, and tuned into both partners’ comfort and desire

Want to be better in bed? See our guides on how to boost sexual performance and how to have a healthy sex life.

Remember: Foreplay Is Different for Everyone

It’s vital to remember that each partner’s mindset plays a huge role in successful foreplay. And the ideal form of foreplay may be different for every person.

For some, foreplay might involve heavy petting with a good makeout session. For others, it could be more verbal.

Translation: Foreplay is very personal, so we can’t confidently say that any method works consistently.

Foreplay Ideas for Men

As mentioned, foreplay isn’t a one-size-fits-all game. Everyone is different, so it’s worth exploring different types of foreplay.

Even so, trying (or suggesting to your partner) an array of foreplay ideas might help you discover what brings your partner pleasure.

Even if it takes time for you to nail the perfect foreplay technique for your relationship, doing so stands to make sex more fun — and hopefully satisfying — for everyone. Here are some foreplay ideas you might want to try:

1. Warm Up With Kissing

Good sex often starts with a good kiss. While it may seem straightforward, kissing is a great intimate activity to increase feelings of sexual pleasure and sensitivity. Kissing also opens the door for your hands to start wandering to the most sensitive areas of your partner’s body (so long as you have consent).

Kissing doesn’t have to be lips-only, either — you can lick, nibble, and find other inventive ways to use your mouth.

2. Pivot to Oral Sex

Speaking of your mouth, one of the best ways to use it before (or in lieu of) penetrative sex is oral sex.

If your partner is female, oral sex is a great way to devote your attention to her clitoris, which is home to approximately 10,280 highly sensitive nerve fibers. According to a 2015 study of over 1,000 women aged 18-94, only 18 percent of women reported being able to reach orgasm through intercourse alone. Over 36 percent reported that clitoral stimulation was needed to achieve orgasm during sex, and an additional 36 percent said that while clitoral stimulation wasn’t required, their orgasms felt better when they or their partners did stimulate the clitoris.

3. Make Time for Sexting

Dirty talk can be a fan-favorite when video chatting, talking on the phone, or connecting with your partner in person. Sending flirty, intimate text messages ahead of a hang can be just as fun and effective, increasing both partners’ excitement throughout the day.

Try sending your partner something to read about your plans for the evening as a form of foreplay outside the bedroom. Then they can spend the day imagining the scenarios. Consider adding pictures, with consent and confirmation of private viewing, of course.

4. Snuggle Up for Cuddling

Often considered an “after” activity (or what some call aftercare), cuddling is a great way to enjoy each other’s physical presence and have skin contact.

It can also lead quickly to several of our favorite sex positions for when missionary could use a night off.

5. Roleplay and Dress-Up

Emotional foreplay can help you work up to physical foreplay. One of the best ways to get into each other’s heads is by dressing up or engaging in roleplay.

For instance, you might try wearing the same outfit you wore when you first met, or your outfit from your most intimate date night. Snap a photo of yourself in it and send it to your partner. Or you might bust out some BDSM gear or a blindfold to dabble in a new kink or fetish.

However you approach it, roleplay allows both partners to experiment and try out potentially intimidating scenarios within the safety and trust of each other’s company. It can also allow you to revisit your favorite positions and techniques through a new lens.

Unsure of where to start or which foreplay tip for men to try first? Take cues from a sexual movie or story. Watch together to set the mood, or follow the characters’ lead, if you’re comfortable with the types of sensual foreplay in which they’re engaging.

Not so hot on video porn? Consider erotica podcasts you can listen to together.

6. Use Positive Reinforcement

“Words of affirmation” is one of the five love languages for a reason — many humans adore hearing what others enjoy about them.

To try this as a foreplay technique, tell your partner what you love about them and their body, what feels good when they do it to you, or what turns you on about them. Be sure to hold eye contact and ask what they desire as well.

This positive reinforcement builds emotional connection and can also prime you both for action.

7. Sensual Touch

Sensual foreplay can be even zestier with an unexpected element.

Try a guided touch game like “getting warmer,” where one partner directs the other toward a chosen erogenous zone. After the receiver picks one on their own body, the other person can use their hands or mouth to try to find the hot spot. As they move around, the body-zone picker can direct the other person’s movements with verbal tips such as “getting warmer” and “getting colder.”

Speaking of warm and cold, you can also explore sensory play. For example, try running an ice cube along your partner’s inner thighs or give them a massage with heated massage oil or lotion.

8. Mix It Up

If you always engage in foreplay at night, mixing it up with some dayplay might be enough to feel spicy. Whether it’s a sensual massage, slow kissing, or prolonged touch, carve out some time for foreplay techniques right after you both wake up.

Or if darkness is typically the scene, give it a go with the lights on. The point is, foreplay is sometimes as simple as changing your typical sex routine.

9. Try a Toy

If you’re both on board, using lube and one or more sex toys (like a vibrating ring, a bullet vibrator, or another toy you both enjoy) can be a fantastic way to transition from emotional foreplay to sensual foreplay — and ease the way into intercourse.

Next Steps

Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up — it’s a powerful way to build intimacy, boost pleasure, and create a more satisfying sexual experience for both partners. Whether you’re new to it or looking to refresh your approach, here’s a quick recap of why foreplay matters:

• Taking some time to set the mood right now can lead to better sex later. Setting the mood for what’s to come and warming things up with your partner are among the best ways to ensure you’re both enjoying this shared time to the fullest.

• There are various types of foreplay to try. Foreplay examples to try (not necessarily in any particular order) include kissing, oral sex, sexting, cuddling, roleplay and dress-up, positive reinforcement, sensual touch, mixing up your routine, and introducing sex toys.

• Don’t be discouraged if one foreplay technique doesn’t work. Not everyone will like everything, and some approaches may not come naturally at first. Be sure to communicate with your partner along the way to ensure they’re comfortable and enjoying themselves.

If you still find it challenging to get going after trying these foreplay tips, consider seeking treatment for ED or premature ejaculation (PE). Even the hottest sex tips and best intentions can’t replace proper medical care if there’s a deeper issue at play.

If you think you might benefit from ED medication or PE medication, get advice from a healthcare professional today.