Sexting Can Spice Up a Relationship: Here Are a Few Ideas to Try

I’ve never felt like I was “good at” sexting, despite all the practice I had with cybersex while growing up. Like many adolescents of the ‘90s, I spent afternoons of those transformative years instant messaging strangers “asl?” (age, sex, location) and hanging out in lascivious chat rooms.

But as an adult, sexting has felt even more awkward. Sexting can take several forms, all involving electronically sent messages that are sexually explicit in nature. The messages might be using words, or could also be photos or videos containing nudity or suggestive content. Making matters even more complicated for me is my profession. As a writer, I tend to overthink and doubt myself when I’m trying to write something sexy. What if it comes out wrong, and I turn him off? What if he takes a screenshot and shares it, effectively killing my erotic-lit career before it’s even begun? It’s hard to be hot when you can’t get out of your head.

Despite my personal reluctance, sending erotic text messages or sexually explicit images is a prevalent sexual activity. A 2023 study of 2,828 young adults aged 18 to 30 revealed that 81 percent of the respondents sexted often, and most start even younger, by 16 to 17 years old.

Whether you’re an avid sexter or you, like me, lack the confidence to click send on a raunchy message, there’s a lot worth learning about the topic. Keep reading for details about the potential benefits of sexting, sexting ideas and prompts, risks to consider, and tips to stay safe while spicing things up.

Some research shows that sexting among consenting adults can increase sexual satisfaction in long-term monogamous relationships by normalizing the discussion of sexual topics. This can be helpful if you or your partner feels shy or uncomfortable talking about sex in person. Sexting can also provide a sense of novelty and excitement, which is crucial for maintaining sexual desire in long-term relationships.

Sexting can also be useful for those in long-distance relationships. Whether you exchange flirty messages or nude images, sexting allows individuals to foster their sexual relationship even while they’re apart.

There’s no right or wrong way to sext—as long as both parties have given their consent, that is). But if it’s your first time, or you’re having trouble coming up with fresh sexual content, here are top sext examples worth trying, along some tips to get you started:

Share a Sex Fantasy

You can start off with, “I keep having this sexy daydream about you." This opens the door to sexting, but doesn’t throw you in the deep end. If they’re intrigued, hopefully they’ll ask what the daydream is about, and you can share one of your favorite fantasies with them. If they’re not intrigued, or they’re in a place where sexting is not possible, you can save the conversation for later.

Give Them a Play-by-Play

For this sexting example, pretend the recipient is wearing a VR headset, and paint a full picture of a certain scenario. Give them a play-by-play of everything you want to do to them: Start off narrating the actions you would take in real life: “Imagine me kissing your neck and working my way down...” and paint a vivid scene with as much detail as possible.

Express Your Anticipation

“I can’t wait to be inside you” or “I can’t wait to feel you inside me” are two easy sext examples that tell your partner that you’re looking forward to what’s to come when the two of you are in the same place.

Reminisce About the Past

If you’ve previously shared an intimate moment with someone and can’t stop thinking about it, say so via sext. Gratitude is an important component of any healthy relationship, so sharing what you most enjoyed about your last sexual experience together may win you some points.

Send a Prompt

If you’re itching to get a sext or nude photo from your significant other, make a request. You might start with, “Tell me all the dirty things you want to do next time we’re together.” Just make sure to never apply pressure to participate or scold them for not taking the bait. If they’re hesitant to sext or flat-out refuse, respect their boundaries—and as a best practice, always ask for consent before engaging in any sexting activity.

One common character in sexting is the dick pic. We asked a few women what they thought of dick pics. Do they like them? Are they turn-ons? Here’s what they said.

• “Unsolicited dick pics are never okay. But if we’re sexting, and I’ve shared a nude or even a semi-nude, I’d appreciate the reciprocation. I’ve already put myself out there, so he should do the same.” —Emily*, 42

• “I hate dick pics, especially random ones. I don’t need them nor do I want them.” —Steph*, 37

• “It 100% depends on the guy and the situation. Sometimes I'll get the ick, and other times I’m into it. My suggestion would be to read the room. I like when it’s sent in as part of a natural progression in a gradual buildup rather than unsolicited. It’s not okay to jump right in and send without any consideration for where I am or what I’m doing. So context clues help. Also, I only like them with someone I’ve already been sexual with IRL.” —Leila*, 26

• “An unsolicited dick pic that comes out of the blue, especially with someone I haven't been intimate with in person, is a hard no. There are some situations where it may be welcome, like if someone I was dating was traveling. But still, I wouldn't want to receive one without some lead-up or context because it has the potential to be really awkward if you're in a public place, or just not in the headspace to see a dick. Generally, I think sexting [with written messages] is better.” —Chloe*, 36

To summarize, here’s the bottom line on dick pics:

• Don’t send unsolicited dick pics.

• Start with written flirting and gradually build up to exchanging pics.

• Make sure she’s in an appropriate physical location to receive a dick pic.

According to New York-based mental health counselor Samantha Krevalin, LMHC, sexting can have a negative impact on relationships if both partners are not on the same page.

“It can lead to arguments or tension regarding differences in boundaries. Sexting can also induce a sense of shame or self-doubt if a person does not receive the reaction they hoped for from their partner,” says Krevalin.

As far as risks, Krevalin says legal consequences and emotional exploitation are possibilities. “Some people have used sexting as a means of manipulating or blackmailing their partner,” she says. “When partners engage in sexting, they run the risk of the content being made public, either accidentally or intentionally.”

Sexting is especially risky among young people, making them vulnerable to cyberbullying, child pornography, revenge porn, and sextortion. Studies show that adolescents who sext or exchange explicit photos via cell phone or on social media apps had higher rates of suicidal thoughts than those who did not sext. This demographic also experienced higher rates of high-risk behaviors like drinking, taking drugs, and stealing. Minors who sext are also more likely to struggle with mental health factors like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Krevalin advises that before you engage in sexting, you and your partner should clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations, as well as establish consent.

“In order to avoid some of the potential risks, partners can protect their privacy by not showing their face or certain identifying characteristics,” she says. 

“Individuals can also use features that help ensure the content is not permanent, like disappearing messages. Both partners should discuss the risks and how they would deal with a potential leak.”

Here are some other tips for sexting safely and respectfully:

• Be mindful of your partner’s physical location before you sext them

• Only sext if you feel like it

• Exclusively sext with people you trust

• Back off if your partner doesn’t feel like sexting or exchanging sexual images

• Don’t share sexts with others

• Avoid sexting identifiable information

Sexting is one way you can safely spice up your sex life as long as it happens between two consenting adults. Here’s what you should know:

• Sexting can enhance intimacy. Sexting, when consensual, can support relationships by fostering open discussions about sex and helping you stay intimately connected when physically apart.

• Sexting carries a few risks. Sexting puts you at risk for emotional exploitation, public leaks, and cyber violence. Always discuss boundaries, consent, and expectations.

• Be safe and respectful when sexting. To engage in safe sexting behavior, avoid identifiable content and use disappearing messages. Never send unsolicited dick pics, and never pressure someone to sext if they don’t want to.

Want more ideas on how to upgrade your sex life? Learn some new non-penetrative sex ideas, try different sex positions, and check out our full range of sexual health products, including lube, condoms, and sex toys.

*Names have been changed.