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How to Have Better Sex: 11 Tips

Kelly Brown MD, MBA

Reviewed by Kelly Brown, MD

Written by Geoffrey C. Whittaker

Published 06/03/2021

Updated 04/14/2024

Better sex: every man’s white whale. It’s true that even the best lovers among us always have room for improvement — that’s why all your favorite athletes practice, you know.

While flipping through sexologist TikTok or reading Medium blogs published by a sex educator may yield some valuable info, there are only so many ways to reword the same basic ideas.

Maybe you’re dating a woman with high libido and trying to keep up with her healthy sex life expectations. Or perhaps you’re just trying to improve your sexual stamina so your partner doesn’t see commercial breaks as a quickie window.

In any case, you don’t need a secret list of sex positions guarded by monks to have the best sex. You don’t need all-American power in the form of a high-wattage sex machine, either. All you need is an open mind — and some time.

Below, we’ll go over 11 of our favorite sex tips anyone can employ to make good sex better and improve overall enjoyment for you and your partner.

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Here’s a question a sex therapist might ask — and one we’re going to ask you before we dive into these tips: Why are you here?

Your sex life may be good or bad. You or your partner might be happy or admit there are sexual problems keeping you from really connecting.

Satisfaction and communication are deeply linked in the bedroom, and when communication breaks down, it can become an underlying cause of intimacy problems.

Once you identify the areas needing improvement, it’s time to put yourself to work.

Here’s how to do it.

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Go Back to Sex School

Our first tip is a simple, easy, jargon-free one: Learn.

Learning is fun, especially when the curriculum is about improving your sex life. But seriously — though you might think you remember everything from your high school sex-ed class, there’s always more to learn.

Education can help broach subjects that are difficult to talk about. You can share articles, passages and materials without having to, you know…say it out loud.

It’s also a great way to explore solutions to problems like painful sex, find words to describe your particular sexual desires and, ultimately, become a more intelligent sexual partner.

Do Kegel Exercises

Now that we’ve covered the mind, let’s talk about muscles.

Exercise is how we build muscle and stamina. Exercises like edging and Kegels can improve your sexual fitness and stamina, specifically.

Strong pelvic floor muscles can help you last longer. They’re also responsible for urinary health, so work them out regularly.

Try Different Positions

We’re all for checking off every position from the latest Cosmopolitan guide. But let’s make one thing clear: Trying new sex positions doesn’t mean being an acrobat.

Finding ways to deepen your pleasure (and your partner’s) may require balance and flexibility. However, plenty of positions for oral sex and penetrative sex can stimulate erogenous zones — like the G-spot, clitoris and prostate — without you having to make the Olympic qualifiers.

Incorporate Toys

Who doesn’t love toys? Whether you’re into kink or not, sex toys (like this penis vibrator) are pretty mainstream these days. They might scare some men on the way to the bedroom, but for guys with male or female partners, sex toys can be more than a little fun.

If vibrators can help your partner climax, and you can hold the vibrator, then congrats — you’re making your partner orgasm. Research has suggested that some sex toys may even help with ED.

Use Lube

Lubricants can make sex less painful for people who struggle to produce natural lubrication. Using lube can also help couples who are mismatched in size, as well as for that alternative entry point you keep asking about.

So make sure to keep some on hand, in your nightstand and on everything else.

Write Down Your Fantasies

Sex advice blogs aren’t always reliable sources of guidance, but we have to hand this one to all of them: writing down your fantasies to share with your partner is a great way to communicate and boost intimacy.

It can also help you broach the subject if you’re uncertain about your partner’s reaction. The same goes for sharing a favorite movie scene, fetish or activity as a visual explainer. It may arouse your partner or shock them, but that’s where our next tip comes in.

Choose your chew

Be Neither Defensive nor Judgmental

There’s a lot of taboo, shame and self-consciousness wrapped up in sexual fantasies. Whether you’re more into kink or cuddles (or have a cuddle kink), everyone has a different set of turn-on criteria — and your partner may not share the same ones as you.

When you talk about these things with them, remember to make the conversation a safe environment for sharing. Don’t judge — and if they judge, don’t get defensive. This is new territory, so take it slow.

Be Patient and Realistic About Your Potential

While we’re advising you to take it slow, you should probably follow the same advice with the physical side of intimacy.

We’re not just talking about length and girth here, fellas. Although we’d all like to imagine we can handle that hours-long tantric experience, it’s not always possible (or safe) if you’re older, overweight or not in great health.

Don’t go straining yourself, pushing your limits, risking injury or taking any medications not prescribed to you to “get the blood flow going.”

Take Care Of Your Mental Health

Therapy may not feel intimately connected to intimacy. But believe it or not, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues can hinder sexual function, sex drive and libido.

In the same vein, addressing things like low self-esteem, intimacy fears and performance anxiety is essential for everyone to have a good time.

Look Out For and Treat Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the recurring inability to achieve or maintain an erection. Millions of men suffer from it, and treating it requires professional assistance.

ED can be a result of physiological factors. Poor diet, drug use, excess body weight, high blood pressure, heart disease and heavy alcohol intake can all cause it.

Lifestyle changes may help. Beyond that, PDE5-inhibitor medications like Viagra® (and generic sildenafil), Stendra® (avanafil) and Cialis® (tadalafil) have decades of research proving their effectiveness.

Address Premature Ejaculation

Another thing that can cause issues is premature ejaculation (PE). This is when you ejaculate before orgasm or penetration.

A healthcare professional may recommend any number of treatments, including SSRIs like sertraline or paroxetine and numbing agents like our Clockstopper benzocaine wipes and Delay Spray.

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As we hope we’ve hammered home here, everything really comes back to communication. It’s not just the dirty talk — it’s also the honesty, vulnerability and openness of saying what isn’t working.

Worry not — there’s a chance your partner has many of the same feelings and maybe some of the same desires.

Here’s what to keep in mind if you want to improve your sex life:

  • Sexual health is about the physical, emotional and mental well-being of you, your partner and the intimacy you share.

  • A better sex life necessarily requires improving your mind, body and emotional connection to really get the best out of every sexual experience.

  • Men with ED may lose interest in sexual activity, if only to avoid further embarrassment.

  • Deep breathing exercises and yoga may not be what you consider foreplay. But doing them before things kick off in the bedroom may help you maintain control over things like performance anxiety.

  • While intense orgasms are great, a satisfying sex life is about making your partner feel safe, aroused and enthusiastic about your intimate time together.

  • Healthcare professionals may prescribe medications, recommend lifestyle changes or refer you to a therapist for sexual dysfunction relating to mental health or relationship issues.

Having performance issues? We have lots of sex tips for men looking for premature ejaculation treatments and erectile dysfunction medications.

We’ve also rounded up ways to spice up your sex life and boost sexual performance, plus foreplay ideas to get started.

What’s more, we have ED meds in the form of chewable hard mints and a collection of sex toys (Standing O penis rings, the Thrill Ride prostate massager and the classic bullet vibrator, to name a few) to help you take things to the next level.

10 Sources

  1. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.-c). Symptoms & causes of erectile dysfunction - NIDDK. National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases. https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/urologic-diseases/erectile-dysfunction/symptoms-causes.
  2. Crowdis M, Leslie SW, Nazir S. Premature Ejaculation. [Updated 2023 May 30]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2023 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546701/.
  3. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.-d). Treatment for erectile dysfunction - NIDDK. National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases. https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/urologic-diseases/erectile-dysfunction/treatment.
  4. Araujo, A. B., Travison, T. G., Ganz, P., Chiu, G. R., Kupelian, V., Rosen, R. C., Hall, S. A., & McKinlay, J. B. (2009). Erectile dysfunction and mortality. The journal of sexual medicine, 6(9), 2445–2454. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3524836/.
  5. Ciaccio, V., & Di Giacomo, D. (2022). Psychological Factors Related to Impotence as a Sexual Dysfunction in Young Men: A Literature Scan for Noteworthy Research Frameworks. Clinics and practice, 12(4), 501–512. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9326597/.
  6. Rösing, D., Klebingat, K. J., Berberich, H. J., Bosinski, H. A., Loewit, K., & Beier, K. M. (2009). Male sexual dysfunction: diagnosis and treatment from a sexological and interdisciplinary perspective. Deutsches Arzteblatt international, 106(50), 821–828. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2801066/.
  7. Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Hensel, D., Sanders, S., Jozkowski, K., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2011). Association of Lubricant Use with Women’s Sexual Pleasure, Sexual Satisfaction, and Genital Symptoms: A Prospective Daily Diary Study. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 8(1), 202-212. https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article-abstract/8/1/202/6843860.
  8. Rosenbaum T. Y. (2007). Pelvic floor involvement in male and female sexual dysfunction and the role of pelvic floor rehabilitation in treatment: a literature review. The journal of sexual medicine, 4(1), 4–13. https://tallirosenbaum.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Pelvic-Floor-Involvement.pdf.
  9. Kontula, O., & Miettinen, A. (2016). Determinants of female sexual orgasms. Socioaffective neuroscience & psychology, 6, 31624. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087699/.
  10. Mallory AB, Stanton AM, Handy AB. (2019). Couples' Sexual Communication and Dimensions of Sexual Function: A Meta-Analysis. J Sex Res. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6699928/
Editorial Standards

Hims & Hers has strict sourcing guidelines to ensure our content is accurate and current. We rely on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. We strive to use primary sources and refrain from using tertiary references. See a mistake? Let us know at [email protected]!

This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment. Learn more about our editorial standards here.

Kelly Brown MD, MBA
Kelly Brown, MD

Dr. Kelly Brown is a board certified Urologist and fellowship trained in Andrology. She is an accomplished men’s health expert with a robust background in healthcare innovation, clinical medicine, and academic research. Dr. Brown is a founding member of Posterity Health where she is Medical Director and leads strategy and design of their Digital Health Platform, an innovative education and telehealth model for delivering expert male fertility care.

She completed her undergraduate studies at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (go Heels!) with a Bachelor of Science in Radiologic Science and a Minor in Chemistry. She took a position at University of California Los Angeles as a radiologic technologist in the department of Interventional Cardiology, further solidifying her passion for medicine. She also pursued the unique opportunity to lead departmental design and operational development at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, sparking her passion for the business of healthcare.

Dr. Brown then went on to obtain her doctorate in medicine from the prestigious Northwestern University - Feinberg School of Medicine and Masters in Business Administration from Northwestern University - Kellogg School of Management, with a concentration in Healthcare Management. During her surgical residency in Urology at University of California San Francisco, she utilized her research year to focus on innovations in telemedicine and then served as chief resident with significant contributions to clinical quality improvement. Dr. Brown then completed her Andrology Fellowship at Medical College of Wisconsin, furthering her expertise in male fertility, microsurgery, and sexual function.

Her dedication to caring for patients with compassion, understanding, as well as a unique ability to make guys instantly comfortable discussing anything from sex to sperm makes her a renowned clinician. In addition, her passion for innovation in healthcare combined with her business acumen makes her a formidable leader in the field of men’s health.

Dr. Brown is an avid adventurer; summiting Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania (twice!) and hiking the incredible Torres del Paine Trek in Patagonia, Chile. She deeply appreciates new challenges and diverse cultures on her travels. She lives in Denver with her husband, two children, and beloved Bernese Mountain Dog. You can find Dr. Brown on LinkedIn for more information.

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