Many of us are familiar with foot fetishes, one of the most common fetishes out there. But have you heard about brontophilia (a fetish for thunderstorms) or coulrophilia (a fetish for clowns)?
Many of us are familiar with foot fetishes, one of the most common fetishes out there. But have you heard about brontophilia (a fetish for thunderstorms) or coulrophilia (a fetish for clowns)?
A fetish is a sexual interest in a specific object, body part, or behavior that’s typically considered nonsexual. The word comes from the Portuguese feitiço, which means "charm" or "spell.”
For many people with sex fetishes (fetishists), having one is a healthy part of their sexuality. For others, a fetish can be distressing or isolating.
In this guide, we’ll discuss why people have fetishes, share some fetish examples, and list steps you can take to safely and enjoyably incorporate fetishes into your sex life.
Sexual fetishes and kinks are often thought of as interchangeable, and both typically fall outside what is considered mainstream sexual practices.
The key difference between the two is that a fetish is considered a sexual need, while a kink is a sexual preference. In other words, someone with a fetish needs a particular object, body part, or behavior in order to achieve sexual arousal or gratification, while someone with a kink may enjoy many different types of sexual play.
Some examples of kinks include role play, sensation play, and BDSM (an umbrella term for sexual activities that involve physical restraint, control, and/or pain). These kinks can become fetishes if a person requires them in order to become sexually aroused or fully satisfied.
The exact cause of a fetish is not entirely understood, but several theories exist, including:
Parental relationships. A 2014 study on adults with an adult baby/diaper fetish revealed that their fetish was linked to their early maternal and paternal relationships. Male respondents who had a negative relationship with their father, for instance, were more likely to have sex with a “daddy” figure and play with baby toys during their experiences. Those with a more positive relationship with their father were less likely to find adult men sexually stimulating and more likely to find adult women and diapers sexually stimulating.
Conditioning. Another theory is that people can be conditioned to have a fetish, much like Pavlov’s dog. This theory proposes that sex fetishes develop when a nonsexual stimulus is paired with sexual thoughts and behavior. For example, one study found that when men were exposed to sexually explicit photos and a pair of women’s boots, they were eventually able to get erections when they saw the boots without the photos.
Trauma. Some research proposes that experiencing abuse or neglect as a child can lead to low self-esteem, poor social skills, and a lack of effective coping methods. These factors may then increase the odds that someone will seek sexual gratification through non-traditional routes, which may result in a fetish.
Personality. There’s also the possibility that sexual preferences are diverse because people are diverse. A strained relationship with dad, a sexual encounter involving boots, or early childhood trauma are not requirements for fetishism. You may simply like what you like.
It’s impossible to share every single fetish here, but if you’re still struggling to figure out what they are and what they look like, here are a few fetish examples:
Aquaphilia is a fetish for water, which may include having sex in wet places like the shower or a swimming pool.
Somebody with a body modification fetish may get sexually aroused by the sight or sensation of tattoos or piercings.
This form of BDSM involves restraint, which can look like tying up your partner with rope, being handcuffed to the bed frame, or muzzling your partner.
You’ve probably heard of a medieval chastity belt, or an item of clothing meant to prevent sexual intercourse or masturbation. People with chastity fetishes may get turned on by blocked genitals, which may include chastity belts or cock cages.
Diaper fetishes are typically part of age play, where one partner is the “mommy” or “daddy” and the other partner is the baby. Someone with this fetish may get sexual pleasure from wearing or using a diaper (or having their partner do so).
Someone with an exhibitionism fetish will find sexual pleasure in being watched while having sex or while naked. This can be practiced safely and ethically at sex parties where participants are consenting.
A foot fetish is probably the most well-known fetish out there. It involves sexual attraction to feet, toes, and/or shoes.
A person with hirsutophilia finds body hair sexually arousing.
Kaptoptronophilia is a sexual fetish for mirrors. This may include masturbating or having sex in front of a mirror.
A lactation fetish means you are turned on by breastfeeding, whether by watching someone lactate, having sex with someone who is lactating, and/or sucking on a lactating breast.
Macrophilia is a fetish for giant people or giant objects. You may also fantasize about being overpowered by these giants or even crushed.
Turned on by smelling, licking, or tickling armpits? You may have maschalagnia, or an armpit fetish, which can lead to armpit intercourse.
Odaxelagnia is a fetish for biting or being bitten and may be included in BDSM play.
This one is just what it sounds like—a fetish for pregnant people. There’s also a breeding fetish, when someone is aroused by the act of impregnation, which may involve animal role play.
Quirophilia is a fetish for hands, fingers, or nails.
Turned on by C-3PO or Ex Machina? People with a robot fetish are sometimes called robosexuals or technosexuals.
A spectrophilia fetish is finding sexual pleasure in ghosts or images in mirrors.
Bras, panties, men’s briefs, boxers—if these objects turn you on, you may have an underwear fetish. You may enjoy the objects themselves or like to watch someone wear or remove them.
Voyeurism is a fetish for watching others undress or have sex or listening to sexual acts. Like exhibitionism, voyeurism can be practiced safely and ethically with a consenting partner or partners.
Although they’re considered outside the mainstream, fetishes are actually pretty common.
A 2017 survey of more than 1,000 men and women found that almost half of the participants had atypical sexual interests or engaged in atypical sexual activities, including fetishism.
However, some fetishistic sexual behaviors are more common than others. A study of over 5,000 people with fetishes found that the most common ones were related to body parts or objects associated with body parts, followed by sexual preferences for other people's behavior. The least common fetishes were for objects unrelated to the body.
Having an uncommon fetish doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you unless your fetish causes distress. We’ll get back to this later.
Many people with fetishes find their sex lives rich and fulfilling, and research has uncovered possible benefits of fetishes.
Linked to positive mental health attributes: One 2013 study found that people who practiced BDSM were less neurotic, more conscientious, less sensitive to rejection, and had higher subjective overall well-being.
Associated with greater intimacy with partners. Studies show that talking about sex and sharing your desires can increase intimacy and satisfaction in your relationship. It can also enhance your communication.
Sexual fetishes are often stigmatized and pathologized, but having a fetish doesn’t make you weird, and it’s not something you have to fix or cure unless it’s causing problems in your life. In fact, feeling ashamed about your fetish may be worse than the fetish itself.
Research links sexual shame to self-hostility, sexual dysfunction, body shaming, aggression, and sex addiction.
You should always get explicit and enthusiastic consent from a partner(s) before every sexual experience. When you’re engaging in the type of play that involves BDSM, it’s just as important to get consent before and during the experience, checking in regularly to ensure you’re both comfortable. Consent should never be forced or implied.
Along with getting consent before sex, you may want to choose safe words that you and your partner can use if the experience becomes too intense and you want to stop.
Many fetishes and kinks involve sex toys and gear. Do your research to find out what products can enhance your experience and stock up on equipment such as:
Restraints like handcuffs, ropes, muzzles, or collars for BDSM play
Lingerie and erotic wear for dress-up (like high heels for foot fetishes or stockings for underwear fetish)
Vibrators, cock rings, dildos, sex wands, or other sex toys
Paddles, whips, canes, or clamps for impact play
Anal beads, strap-ons, butt plugs, or prostate toys for anal play
Lube to keep play slippery and comfortable
Condoms to keep play safe
New to fetish play? Take your time. Do your research, establish your safe words, and communicate thoroughly with your partner(s) before diving in.
There are numerous fetish-focused dating apps where you can meet like-minded people, such as FetLife, Feeld, and Fantasy Match.
If you live in a community where it may feel unsafe to let your fetish flag fly, reach out to online communities or even browse Reddit threads to find your sex-positive people.
There are an estimated minimum of 547 different fetishes. Try to approach other people’s fetishes with openness, without “kink-shaming” anyone. This is especially true if you’ve asked your partner about their fantasies and they've divulged something surprising or unusual.
Don’t get so caught up in the intensity of an experience that you forget to play safely. Remember to:
Practice safe sex
Always get consent
Establish safe words
Get tested for STIs regularly
Communicate openly
A fetish becomes a concern when it causes distress or impairment or involves non-consenting parties. When a fetish becomes problematic, it may be diagnosed as a fetishistic disorder. Treatment for fetishistic disorder may involve psychotherapy and, in some cases, prescription medication like antidepressants.
Overall, fetishes can either enhance or challenge your sexual relationships. Communicate openly about your sexual desires, boundaries, and consent to incorporate a fetish into your sex life in a healthy, fulfilling way.
If you need more support, consider reaching out to a sex therapist.
Exploring sex fetishes is just one adventure. But there’s so much more. Here are some other ways to enhance your sex life:
Experiment with different foreplay techniques
Add aphrodisiacs to your diet
Explore edging
Address sexual issues like erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation
Check out our sexual health products for even more ways to have more satisfying sex.
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