6 Tips for Dating a Woman with High Libido

We often hear less about it, but high libido in women can happen just like it does in men. Matching libidos in a couple are about as rare as simultaneous orgasms — wonderful when they align but pretty uncommon. 

The longer you’re with your partner, the more likely it is that you’ll encounter times where your sexual desire doesn’t sync up. In some relationships, it’s the woman who experiences a higher sex drive.  And it’s perfectly normal.

If you’re worried about your own libido, remember that communication is key. 

Below, we cover the signs of high sex drive in females and how to handle a partner with a strong sexual appetite.

When libidos don’t line up, it can be frustrating. But despite myths and stereotypes about men and women’s sex drives, there’s really no one-size-fits-all. 

Everyone’s libido or sex drive goes through ebbs and flows. Your desire for sex can fluctuate due to:

• Hormonal changes

• Sexual arousal

• Stress

• Relationship issues. 

Just like your preferences in the bedroom, your sex drive is also highly personal.

It’s also important to remember that a high libido in women is completely normal. There's a whole lot of chemistry involved with making our bodies tick, and sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone, which can have a strong impact on sex drive, are present in all people to varying levels.

There’s a strong connection between testosterone levels and men’s libidos, with lower testosterone resulting in a lower libido. But what about libido in women?

A 2016 report suggests that estrogen therapy for menopause may trigger higher sex drive in women.

Researchers of a small older study found a potential connection between testosterone and higher solitary desire (AKA solo sex) in women.  

Ultimately, though, research into women’s pleasure and desire is still in its early days. 

So, is there a way to know if your partner’s sex drive is high? What are the signs a woman has a high libido?

Let’s start with a basic question: what is the meaning of high libido in females?

Libido reflects the constant fluctuations in a person’s sexual arousal, desire, reward, and inhibition. In other words, libido is a person’s sex drive or desire for sexual activity. 

What does high sex drive mean? Here’s the tricky part: there’s no such thing as a normal sex drive. A healthy sex drive means that you have a desire to engage in sexual behavior that feels satisfying and fulfilling for you.

It’s difficult to define exactly what a higher libido involves — it’s different for everybody. A high libido is an increase in desire for sex, while a low libido means the opposite.

According to a 2009 study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, signs of high libido in women might include:

• Engaging in more sexual communication

• Having more sexual thoughts and fantasies

• Being more sexually adventurous

• Having higher levels of sexual self-esteem

• Having better body image

This study also noted that women with high libidos tend to have more positive attitudes about casual sex, watching porn, and masturbation.

There’s also proof that being sedentary or overweight can lead to sexual dysfunction (like erectile dysfunction in men), while regular physical activity not only improves sexual function but can also boost a woman’s libido.

And while another 2011 study of over 280 college-aged men and women found that men thought about sex more often — the median was 19 times a day, compared to 10 daily thoughts in women — they also thought about food and sleep more often than women.

Of course, because “normal” is an elastic term and there’s no baseline for a typical libido in females, this is all subjective. And people’s definition of sex varies, too.  

The tips below may help if you’re dating a woman with a high libido.

What do you do when you’re dating someone with a high libido?

Sometimes, looking at the factors that affect libido in men and women can help you and your partner get on the same page sexually. Other times, you may just need to improve certain skills, like communication with your partner, or make specific lifestyle changes.

Whether you’re married, in a long-term relationship, or just casually dating, these tips will benefit both you and your partner.

1. Give Yourself Time

To get in the mood, that is. Before you turn down sex, ask yourself this: can you get to a point where you’d want to have sex? 

Maybe all you need is a little time or a little help (many of us have been there). Maybe you need to disconnect from work stress or digest more after a meal. Or maybe just a little more foreplay could help get you going.

And even if you think you know everything, this guide on how to get turned on is full of helpful tips that may surprise you.

Of course, if you’re really not in the mood, you don’t have to go through the motions or do something you don’t want to.

2. Find Other Ways to Be Sexually Intimate

Sex can mean something different for everyone. So why not reframe what you consider sex?

If you aren’t up for the aerobic workout of penetrative sex, how about trying non-penetrative sex, like lying on your sides and 69-ing?

Or if you don’t feel like being touched, how about kissing her while she touches herself? That way, she still gets the orgasm and connection to you she seeks without you doing anything you don’t want.

Or you can use this as a time to try new things. The point is the possibilities are endless. If you’re looking for some inspiration, check out these tips on how to please a woman or ways to spice up your sex life.

3. Reassure Her When You Turn Down Sex

Sometimes, you just won’t feel sexual at all, which is okay. You shouldn’t push through just to please a partner. But how you respond affects how she will interpret the situation (and, in turn, how she feels about it).

First, reassure her about what’s really at play. Make sure she knows it’s nothing to do with her or your relationship — and if it is, that’s a different conversation you should have ASAP.

You don’t need to give a reason beyond “I’m not feeling it,” but elaborating can help squash her fears. Whatever the reason  — too stressed, tired, etc. — let her know.

Then, figure out what her motivation for sex is. Sometimes, it’s about more than sex. If she’s seeking stress relief, watch a comedy show while you massage her shoulders. If she wants an orgasm, encourage her to play with herself while you do something else. If she wants affection, cuddling could do the trick. 

The most beautiful thing about intimate sex with someone you care about is that it fills a lot of different roles in our lives. With a bit of intentionality, you’ll be able to find a way to meet her desires while also respecting your temporary lack of desire.

4. Figure Out the Cause of Your Low Libido 

There are two important things to remember here: how you’re feeling about sex is okay, and your sex drive can go through ups and downs.

However, if your low sex drive is constant, it may be worth seeing a doctor to rule out a medical condition. Low libido and reduced sex drive can be signs of some potential health issues, including (most commonly) low testosterone in men.

Hormone levels aren’t the only health conditions that can affect sex drive. Sexual health issues like premature ejaculation (PE), for example, may make you feel embarrassed about your performance in the bedroom and have less desire for sex.

And just like working out can boost female libido, your physical fitness can also play a role in the bedroom — there’s a potential connection between working out and sex drive for men as well.

While we can’t control time passing, it’s inevitable for many men to notice a connection between age and sex drive, with your libido dropping as the years climb higher.

Other low sex drive causes? High stress levels and mental health issues and some medications. A common symptom of depression, for example, is a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities, including sex.

What’s worse is that some of the antidepressants used to treat depression, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), are on the list of medications that might lower your libido as a side effect. Other medications known to do this include beta-blockers for blood pressure and the hair loss treatment finasteride.

5. Explore Ways to Increase Your Sex Drive

If low sex drive is something you’ve had trouble with for some time, it may be worth seeking out professional help. There's nothing wrong with how you're feeling, but talking with a sex therapist might help work out some underlying issues.

Or if you’re concerned that health issues may be the cause of low libido, seek medical advice from your healthcare provider. They may recommend several changing medications, improving your diet, or testosterone therapy to improve erectile dysfunction and libido.

And while the research on these products is a bit murky, it may be worth checking out pills that claim to increase libido.

6. Address Relationship Problems

If you and your partner sleep on opposite sides of the bed more often than not, you may need to take a step back and examine the relationship.

Poor communication, anger, hurt feelings, infidelity, and even boredom in long-term relationships can all lower your sex drive.

Or if you feel like your partner is pressuring you to have sex or even crossing boundaries and disregarding your feelings, taking a step back from the relationship or leaving it entirely may be the healthiest thing to do.

In a perfect world, you and your partner would have perfectly matching libidos (and have simultaneous orgasms every single time you had sex). 

However, we very much live in a world where sex drives don’t always align. 

Remember:

• Your libido, or sex drive, can fluctuate due to several circumstances. This includes hormones, stress, lifestyle habits, and more. Despite stereotypes, high libido in women can and does commonly exist. 

• There are a few signs of high sex drive in females. She may communicate more about her sexual desires, have more sexual fantasies, be more sexually adventurous, and have better self-esteem.

• If you’re dating a woman with high libido and are struggling to keep up, you can try new things. Reframe what sex is, be patient with getting turned on, reassure her why you’re not interested in sex or reexamine the relationship.

• Mismatched libidos in partners can create significant stress in a relationship. If you’re concerned you have a low libido, it can be helpful to figure out the root cause and find ways to increase your sex drive.

If you think the cause of your low libido may be sexual dysfunction, consider talking to a healthcare provider about erectile dysfunction treatments or premature ejaculation treatments.

Not wanting to have sex when your partner does isn’t the end of the world. But know that the right person for you will try to understand and, at the very least, be respectful of your feelings, wants, and needs.