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Reviewed by Kristin Hall, FNP
Written by Our Editorial Team
Wondering how to please a woman sexually? You’ve come to the right place.
So you’ve got a woman in bed who actually enjoys your company, and you want to make sure she’s getting three-star Michelin class-service during every sexual experience. Congrats, you’re every woman’s dream.
Most guys aren’t thinking as hard as they could be about their partner’s pleasure — which is unfortunate because a little more awareness could lead to a lot more orgasms.
If you’re looking to beat the average on sexcapades per week and make sure your partner is leaving good reviews after every encounter, there are a few things you need to know.
Read on to learn about how men and women experience pleasure differently, as well as tips on how to please a woman and increase her pleasure — maybe even alongside your own.
If you’re under the misguided impression that what feels good for you feels good for her, throttle back a bit, bro. Sexual pleasure is a complex and subjective experience, and it can differ greatly between individuals, regardless of their gender.
Consider the outcomes — a 2016 study of more than 50,000 adults found that while 95 percent of men reported having an orgasm during their last sexual encounter, only 65 percent of women did.
Women can experience multiple orgasms, while men — who are unable to do so — experience something called a refractory period. During this time, they’re unable to perform sexually for minutes or hours after their most recent orgasm.
In other words, sexual pleasure is basically a different language for women, thanks to differences in physiology and psychological factors.
Before getting into how to please a woman, let’s look at these differences in more detail.
We’re going to skip the birds and bees lecture here. Instead, let’s get to the interesting stuff and look at the clitoris.
The clitoris is a highly sensitive organ responsible for much of women’s sexual pleasure. It contains thousands of nerve endings and — fun fact — is the only organ in the human body that exists solely for sexual pleasure.
Whereas your penis goes somewhere to receive stimulation, the clitoris doesn’t do penetration. So unless it’s given some attention, it doesn’t get much stimulation.
And it needs stimulation. Studies have shown that in-out motions are, well…a little basic. While guys might be getting all the stimulation they need from penetration alone, women can often make penetration more pleasurable with additional movements or alterations.
More than half of the women surveyed found that rocking, angling, shallowing (shallow penetration) and pairing (adding stimulation with a hand or toy) increased their pleasure measurably.
The vagina, meanwhile, can become engorged with blood during sexual arousal. However, research suggests most women don’t experience orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone and require direct clitoral stimulation to climax.
Of course, this precludes the very-real G-spot from entering the conversation. But rather than give you a bunch of G-spot sex tips, we’ll remind you that your partner will have specific preferences, and you can really just ask them what gets them off.
A 2017 study found that there’s no single strategy in terms of what all women like. Women 18 to 94 reported “diverse” preferences for genital stimulation, including the amount of pressure, the location of the touching and the shape and pattern of the strokes.
Men are from one planet, and women are from another — but what the hell does this outdated way of explaining gender differences actually mean? In a word: priorities.
While men are fairly similar in their visual stimulation and comfort in exploring different partners, studies have shown that intimacy really does make for better sex for women.
Generally speaking, research shows that every woman is different in her ability to orgasm, her sexual desire levels and how important an orgasm is to her overall satisfaction with her sex life. In other words, every woman wants something unique.
The one common thread is that orgasm frequency and intensity increased based on the depth of connection the women had with their partners.
Pleasure for women is about communication, comfort, consent, excitement and the right kind(s) of stimulation. If you’re not sure exactly how to provide her with these things, the easiest thing to do is ask.
Knowing what to ask (and how and when) is a little more complicated, so we’ve assembled some guidelines for getting the conversation right.
Here are a few techniques for how to pleasure a woman:
Engage in foreplay
Experiment with different positions
Focus on the clitoris
Practice kegel exercises
Seek professional help
“Foreplay” is one of the greatest songs from the legendary band Boston — but the art of foreplay is an equally legendary missed opportunity for the average guy.
The difference between where you are and where your partner is when things start getting hot and heavy is reduced to zero by good foreplay. This can include just about any physical or psychological activity that turns your partner on.
Quick foreplay tips: try kissing, sensual and erotic massage, sexting or even dry humping to help your partner’s arousal reach the same levels as yours while building anticipation and desire.
And if you’re a guy who struggles to last longer in bed, running out the clock while running your fingers, lips or a toy over her body is basically the ultimate hack for an orgasm assist during foreplay.
Pleasure and arousal go hand in hand, and one of the things that can diminish arousal over time is letting things go stale. Look, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, but to keep a relationship happy, you have to try new things sometimes.
Spicing up your sex life with new and different sexual positions may be a little awkward at first. Still, trying something new together can do more than put you two in a team mindset.
A new position might stimulate different parts of her body and ultimately increase pleasure. Different positions can also help men who struggle with erectile dysfunction (ED) or may be self-conscious about their size.
So you’ve found the clitoris. Congratulations to you and your healthy sex life!
Here’s the thing: the clitoris is a highly sensitive part of a woman’s body that can be stimulated to produce intense pleasure — but the female orgasm isn’t a video game, and eliciting one is not about button mashing.
Direct stimulation may be exactly what some women want, but touching, rubbing or using a vibrator on the clitoris during foreplay or intercourse can be highly pleasurable for women, even if it’s not done at full intensity. Check in with your partner about what feels good, and go from there.
We’re not trying to get all spiritual while you’re trying to get busy, but mindfulness does have a place in the bedroom. Focusing on the sensations and experiences of the present moment can connect you more deeply with your partner, and it can help both of you enjoy sex more fully.
It’s also a good idea to check in on your partner if they seem checked out, anxious, distracted or uncomfortable — more on communication in a moment.
We’re tossing this one onto the list as a freebie. As you probably know, lubrication can help reduce discomfort for both partners during intercourse.
It’s particularly helpful for women who experience vaginal dryness or discomfort due to hormonal changes (see: menopause) or medications. We have more tips for great senior sex you should check out if you want to know more.
Hitting the gym helps you look great during sex — but practicing kegel exercises is the functional strength training that can help you last longer.
Kegels strengthen the pelvic floor muscles of both men and women, which improves sexual function and pleasure for you and your partner. These exercises can also be particularly helpful for men struggling with premature ejaculation (PE) by giving them greater control over their orgasms.
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Opening up to your partner about your threesome fantasy may or may not lead to the best weekend of your life. But generally speaking, fantasies are something you should absolutely share with your partner.
Many women have sexual fantasies they may feel embarrassed about or ashamed to share with their partners — something you can maybe understand yourself. Encouraging a woman to share her fantasies with you can help increase your shared intimacy.
It can also lead to some cool experiences and growth in your relationship. Just don’t add names of mutual acquaintances when describing your fantasies — that’s not going to end well.
“Communication is key” is lazy advice, but it’s absolutely essential when it comes to good sex. And we’re not just talking about sharing fantasies or successfully executing foreplay here.
Talking openly and honestly about likes, dislikes and boundaries with your partner can create a safe, comfortable space for both people to enjoy themselves, reduce performance anxiety and help everyone achieve orgasm.
Sometimes, things just aren’t working. Maybe you’re losing your erection during sex or finishing too fast. Maybe you’re self-conscious about your body or trying to be supportive to a partner who’s checked out.
In any case, seeking professional guidance from a sex therapist or doctor can be very helpful for many problems that can’t be solved by foreplay. Experts can provide support, advice and treatment options, including therapy, medication and lifestyle changes.
Wanna know the secret to pleasing a woman? It’s putting the work in.
Society paints sex as all pleasure all the time, but a great partner knows that give and take is about more than who’s currently receiving.
The “work” you put in doesn’t have to be hard, though. It’s just the bare minimum of being a good partner and taking care of yourself.
Here’s a recap of what we’ve talked about in five convenient takeaways:
Be adventurous. If you’re excited to try something new or explore an unprobed area of your sex life, there’s a good chance your partner will be too — especially if you communicate.
Communicate. Tell them what turns you on, and share fantasies you’re interested in exploring — but make sure to do the same for them. After all, a big part of pleasing a woman is to simply listen.
Listen. Make sure you understand what they are and aren’t comfortable with. Listening also extends to yourself, your own body and a healthcare professional in the event you need to take care of your health.
Take care of your health. No matter how “in the mood” you and your partner are, if you’re struggling alone with ED or PE, you’re not going to be present, focused or vulnerable. Of course, finding the right treatment can take time, which is why you and your partner both need to be patient.
Be patient. Whether it’s helping her catch up with your enthusiasm with proper foreplay or her waiting for you to be ready for the next round, patience is more than a necessary evil between orgasms. In fact, the space between orgasms is where all the magic happens.
Need more help? Not sure how to handle lingering problems like PE, ED or performance anxiety? We can assist.
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