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7 Tips to Help your Partner Last Longer in Bed

Katelyn Hagerty

Reviewed by Katelyn Hagerty, FNP

Written by Geoffrey Whittaker

Published 06/29/2023

Some women wish their men would last longer, and some wish they’d hurry up and finish.

But how long does the average male last for? It really depends. Some research claims that the average guy lasts somewhere in the ballpark of five to seven minutes. But a number of studies have shown that the range is far greater and that any two men might have significantly different stamina.

This is before we consider factors like experience, excitement and what’s going on in his head while he’s inside you.

Here’s the real talk, though: Not every guy who’s finishing fast is experiencing premature ejaculation, and not every guy experiencing PE is leaving his partner unsatisfied.

This is a very individual issue — between the two of you. PE can actually only be diagnosed if one or both partners are experiencing “distress.” So if his 90 seconds of sex doesn’t bother you because it comes after 90 minutes of oral, you can return to your regularly scheduled programming.

But even if you’re experiencing distress together, premature ejaculation isn’t a “one cause, one solution” kind of problem. With this in mind, we compiled several tips to help guide you to longer lovemaking sessions.

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How Long Does the Average Man Last in Bed For?

Some women wish their men would last longer, and some wish they’d hurry up and finish.

But how long does the average male last for? It really depends. Some research claims that the average guy lasts somewhere in the ballpark of five to seven minutes. But a number of studies have shown that the range is far greater and that any two men might have significantly different stamina.

This is before we consider factors like experience, excitement and what’s going on in his head while he’s inside you.

Here’s the real talk, though: Not every guy who’s finishing fast is experiencing premature ejaculation, and not every guy experiencing PE is leaving his partner unsatisfied.

This is a very individual issue — between the two of you. PE can actually only be diagnosed if one or both partners are experiencing “distress.” So if his 90 seconds of sex doesn’t bother you because it comes after 90 minutes of oral, you can return to your regularly scheduled programming.

But even if you’re experiencing distress together, premature ejaculation isn’t a “one cause, one solution” kind of problem. With this in mind, we compiled several tips to help guide you to longer lovemaking sessions.

7 Tips to Help a Man Last Longer in Bed

Sexual health is about performance in your sex sessions, but it’s also about the holistic health of his mind and body. As such, the below list of ways to help him last longer touches on the mental elements of men’s health, as well as issues that might affect his anatomical functions, like blood flow and other urology-related problems.

Your job isn’t to play urologist, though. It’s simply to connect and communicate with him while offering help where you can. Here’s what you can do.

Take It Slow

You may be used to telling your partner to slow down for your sake, but having him take his time may have benefits beyond what you gain from foreplay.

Having your man keep his foot on the brake can not only prolong each sexual encounter but also cancel out the instinctive part of his brain that wants to finish ASAP. This is sometimes known as the point of no return.

Prolonging the build-up might include edging or other practices. Experiment to find what helps you both get better joy out of sex.

Use a Condom or Numbing Agent

Premature ejaculation sufferers need the opposite of sex toys — they need un-fun things to bring into the bedroom. For many guys, the best tool for lasting longer is a desensitizing agent.

Some men get what they need in that department just by wearing a condom, but others might need something more serious to reduce the intensity of their sexual pleasure. Lidocaine, benzocaine and other chemical agents can also be applied to the penis to decrease sensitivity and delay orgasm.

Switch Positions

In addition to one-sided oral sex, positions like doggy-style and missionary are a great sexual experience for men. But for women? Not so much.

Switching sex positions can further even out the time-to-orgasm between you and your partner. He may not last much longer in cowgirl, but you’ll be better able to use a vibrator to stimulate your clitoris. 

After all, research shows that only about 6 percent of women come from penetrative sex alone. Why not increase your odds?

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Teach Him Kegels

There’s a ton of anecdotal evidence suggesting that Kegels can help men with PE. You might know these as pelvic floor exercises and may not already do them yourself to improve your pelvic floor.

Kegel exercises are similar for men, and if done correctly, might increase his stamina — at least according to some research. If nothing else, it’s a nice way to work out together.

Talk to Him

Any number of sexologists or sex experts might tell you the same thing: Communication matters in intimacy as it does in any other area of a relationship. And if your guy is feeling self-conscious about his stamina, starting the conversation might lead to solutions.

Truth be told, your partner could be embarrassed about not being able to give you longer sex. He may be experiencing performance anxiety or feel ashamed or nervous to share. 

Giving him an opportunity to talk about it might help the two of you devise a strategy to make him last longer — or simply to help you both get what you want.

Treat Premature Ejaculation

If you’re trying to help your man control ejaculation during sex or increase sexual stamina, you might want to focus entirely on treatments for premature ejaculation.

Nothing currently stops PE with 100 percent reliability. But there are premature ejaculation pills and other premature ejaculation treatments to try, including:

  • Benzocaine wipes 

  • Numbing creams and sprays 

  • The squeeze technique and stop-start technique

  • Antidepressants like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)

Each of these can offer a potentially simple solution while he works on other long-term stamina strategies.

Medication might look like SSRIs, many of which are known for their side effect of making orgasm more difficult. According to tech bros, that’s how you turn a bug into a feature!

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How Guys Can Last Longer in Bed

The big picture of your sex life is hard to see from the ground. And we’re definitely of the mindset that communication can give both you and your partner a better perspective. 

Since we know that conversation can be hard to start and hard to guide, here are some takeaways to share and discuss when you’re working on this issue together:

  • Premature ejaculation isn’t an easily solved problem. But teamwork can help facilitate communication, make sure everyone’s needs are met and road-test solutions in a judgment-free environment.

  • Many guys struggle to face these problems, so offering support and love can help them open up and feel comfortable discussing the issue. They may respond by being more willing to seek medical advice and sex therapy, more open to treatment options and more game for sexual activity.

  • Men dealing with PE might benefit from a range of toys, techniques, exercises and even medications, but everyone is different. For some men, therapy might also offer benefits.

  • If he’s struggling to keep it up or get hard in the first place, his problem isn’t PE — it’s another type of sexual dysfunction ED. Luckily, that’s a much easier problem to solve, with a number of FDA-approved erectile dysfunction treatments already on the market, like Viagra. One that might help him feel less self-conscious is our chewable ED meds hard mints. To learn more about erectile dysfunction, check out our blog.

Wanting to spend more time with your partner is normal, and wanting more of that time to be sexy time is reasonable. You both deserve it, so get started with solutions together today.

7 Sources

  1. Mohee, A., & Eardley, I. (2011). Medical therapy for premature ejaculation. Therapeutic advances in urology, 3(5), 211–222. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3199591/.
  2. Sussex Publishers. (n.d.-b). Premature ejaculation: Learn control. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-matters/201705/premature-ejaculation-learn-control.
  3. Crowdis M, Leslie SW, Nazir S. Premature Ejaculation. [Updated 2023 Feb 7]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2023 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546701/.
  4. hollowc2. (2023a, January 24). Help for women who can’t orgasm. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/theres-help-for-women-who-cant-achieve-orgasm/.
  5. Pastore, A. L., Palleschi, G., Fuschi, A., Maggioni, C., Rago, R., Zucchi, A., Costantini, E., & Carbone, A. (2014). Pelvic floor muscle rehabilitation for patients with lifelong premature ejaculation: a novel therapeutic approach. Therapeutic advances in urology, 6(3), 83–88. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4003840/.
  6. InformedHealth.org [Internet]. Cologne, Germany: Institute for Quality and Efficiency in Health Care (IQWiG); 2006-. Premature ejaculation: Overview. 2019 Sep 12. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK547548/.
  7. Kontula O, Miettinen A. Determinants of female sexual orgasms. Socioaffect Neurosci Psychol. (2016). Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087699/
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