How to Help Men Last Longer: 9 Tips

Want your guy to last longer during sex? You’re not alone.

If you’re the partner of a man who’s finishing too early, you may be wondering if he’s struggling with premature ejaculation (PE), a sexual dysfunction that affects around 20 to 30 percent of sexually active men. You may also be wondering how to make sex last longer.

While there are some strategies you can employ as a partner to help prolong sexual intercourse, ultimately, addressing premature ejaculation and learning how to last longer as a guy is collaborative. Your partner must play a major role in his own improvement, whether that’s seeing a sex therapist or using prescription medication to delay ejaculation.

This article is for partners who are dissatisfied with the length of their sex sessions. Below, we’ll share tips on how to help men last longer, from switching sexual positions to over-the-counter numbing remedies.

Note for men who are finishing too early: Want to learn how to last longer, men? Check out this article on how to last longer in bed for men.

The average guy lasts around five to seven minutes in bed. But, all guys are different. And what might be normal for one couple may not work as well for another. While five to seven minutes is the average, it’s ultimately up to you and your partner to decide what length of time is sufficient to meet both of your needs.

Here’s the real talk, though: Not every guy who’s finishing fast is experiencing premature ejaculation, and not every guy experiencing PE is leaving his partner unsatisfied.

PE can actually only be diagnosed if one or both partners are experiencing “distress.” So if his average time to ejaculation is 90 seconds and it doesn’t bother you because it comes after 90 minutes of oral sex, you can return to your regularly scheduled programming.

However, if his 90 seconds of sex is bothering you, keep reading for some tips on what you can both do to prolong sexual performance.

Sexual health isn’t just about your genitals. Figuring out how to last longer during sex involves both physical and mental practices.

After all, your guy might be finishing too early due to psychological causes like performance anxiety. Or, he might be struggling with physical issues like high sensitivity in his penis or urology-related problems.

Your job isn’t to play urologist, though. It’s simply to connect and communicate with him while offering help where you can. Here are some ideas.

1. Take It Slow

You may be used to telling your partner to slow down for your sake, but having him take his time may have benefits beyond what you gain from foreplay.

Having your man keep his foot on the brake can not only prolong each sexual encounter but also cancel out the instinctive part of his brain that wants to finish ASAP. This is sometimes known as the point of no return.

Prolonging the build-up might include edging, deep breathing, or other practices, like the stop-start technique. This technique simply involves stopping during sex to prevent orgasm and ejaculation, and then starting up again after the urge goes away.

Experiment to find what helps you both get better joy out of sex.

2. Use a Condom or Numbing Agent

Those experiencing premature ejaculation may need the opposite of sex toys — they need ways to tone down stimulation, not amp it up. For many guys, the best tool for ejaculatory control is a desensitizing agent.

Some men get what they need in that department just by wearing a condom, but others might need something more potent to reduce the intensity of their sexual pleasure. Lidocaine, benzocaine, and other topical anesthetics can be applied directly to the penis to decrease sensitivity and delay orgasm. Another way to achieve desensitization during sexual experiences is to use a special condom lubricated with benzocaine (on the inside).

Check out Clockstopper Climax Delay Wipes and Climax Control Condoms to learn more.

3. Switch Positions

Switching sex positions can further delay time-to-orgasm for your partner.

For instance, the cowgirl position lets him relax and thrust less, which may reduce his sensitivity. Another bonus of this position and other angles that give you more access to your clitoris, is that you’ll have more opportunity to use a vibrator. 

After all, research shows that only about six percent of women come from penetrative sex alone. Why not increase your odds?

4. Teach Him Kegels

There’s some anecdotal evidence suggesting that Kegels can help men last longer in bed. You might know these as pelvic floor exercises and may already do them yourself to improve your pelvic floor and aid blood flow.

Kegel exercises are similar for men and, if done correctly, might increase his stamina — at least according to some research. If nothing else, it’s a nice way to work out together.

How men can perform Kegels:

• Squeeze and hold pelvic floor muscles (the same muscles that stop the flow of urine mid-stream) for around five seconds. 

• Relax muscles. 

• Repeat the process 10 to 20 times, three to four times a day. 

5. Suggest the Squeeze Technique

Remember we said to go slowly during sex? The squeeze technique is one he can use during a pause in sex. Here’s how to do it:

• Stop having sex just before climaxing.

• Gently squeeze the head of the penis with the index finger and thumb to decrease arousal.

• Wait until the urge to climax passes (around 30 seconds).

• Proceed with sex.

• Repeat as needed until you’re both satisfied.

6. Practice Open Communication

Any number of sexologists or sex experts will tell you the same thing: Communication matters in intimacy as it does in any other area of a relationship. And if your guy is feeling self-conscious about his lack of sexual stamina, starting the conversation might lead to more solutions and fewer relationship problems.

Truth be told, your partner could be embarrassed about not being able to give you longer sex. He may be experiencing performance anxiety or feel ashamed or nervous to share. 

Giving him an opportunity to talk about it might take some pressure off and help the two of you devise a strategy to make him last longer — or simply to help you both get what you want, which may involve non-penetrative sex ideas.

If you feel like you could both use the guidance of a healthcare professional, seek out a couples therapist, sexologist, or other mental health provider to see together.

7. Make Healthy Lifestyle Changes Together

Hitting the gym and eating healthy food may not seem like the sexiest solution to lasting longer in bed, but you’d be surprised.

Premature ejaculation may be the result of certain undiagnosed health conditions like an infection of the urethra or urinary tract, low levels of serotonin, high blood pressure, or hormonal imbalances.

Some healthy lifestyle choices you can make together to improve your sexual wellness include:

• Exercising together

• Eating nutritious foods

• Maintaining a healthy weight to avoid high cholesterol and obesity

• Prioritizing sleep

• Cutting back on alcohol

• Quitting smoking

8. Suggest Masturbation Before Sex

Masturbating before sex can be a great tool to help desensitize him before the main event. But we’re not talking about foreplay just before sex (which can sabotage your efforts due to the refractory period). Instead, suggest he masturbate a few hours before sex to release sexual tension and built-up sexual energy.

9. Treat Premature Ejaculation With Medication

If you’re trying to help your man control ejaculation, you might want to explore treatments for premature ejaculation together.

Nothing currently stops PE with 100 percent reliability. But there are premature ejaculation pills and other treatments to try. We already mentioned topical anesthetics, which come in the form of creams, sprays, and climax control condoms. You also learned about the stop-start and squeeze techniques. But did you know there are prescription medications that can help premature ejaculation?

These medications include:

• Antidepressants. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like paroxetine, sertraline, fluoxetine, and dapoxetine are sometimes prescribed off-label by healthcare providers to increase serotonin in the brain. One of their side effects is delayed ejaculation, which can be useful if you’re struggling with PE.

• ED medications. Though erectile dysfunction (ED) is a separate sexual dysfunction, sometimes ED medications are prescribed for premature ejaculation to help users maintain an erection longer or after the refractory period. These drugs may include tadalafil (Cialis®), sildenafil (Viagra®), avanafil (Stendra®), vardenafil (Levitra®), or chewable ED meds like Hims Hard Mints.

Each of these can offer a potentially simple solution while he works on other long-term stamina strategies.

Since we know that conversation can be hard to start and hard to guide, here are some takeaways to share and discuss when you’re working towards a better sex life together:

• Premature ejaculation isn’t an easily solved problem. However, teamwork can help facilitate communication, make sure everyone’s needs are met, and provide road-test solutions in a judgment-free environment.

• Many guys struggle to face these problems, so offering support and love can help them open up and feel comfortable discussing the issue. They may respond by being more willing to seek medical advice and sex therapy, more open to treatment options, and more game for sexual activity.

• Men dealing with PE might benefit from a range of tools and tactics. Toys, techniques, exercises, and even medications may help men last longer, but everyone is different.

• If he’s struggling to keep it up or get hard in the first place, his problem isn’t PE — it’s ED. Luckily, there are a number of FDA-approved erectile dysfunction treatments already on the market.

Making sex last longer can take some experimentation, but when you explore solutions together, anything is possible. For more tips and resources, check out this article on the mental side of premature ejaculation, find out how to deal with premature ejaculation in a relationship, and read about four premature ejaculation exercises.