How to Introduce Sex Toys Into the Bedroom

Vibrators, cock rings, and other adult toys can be a fun addition to solo sex sessions. But knowing how to introduce sex toys into the bedroom for partnered play can be daunting the first time. Maybe you’re worried that your partner will be offended, perceiving the additional presence of the toy as a sign of personal inadequacy—that they alone are not enough for you. Or maybe you worry they just won’t be into using sex toys during sex for whatever reason. Well, we’re here to set the record straight.

Research shows that a lot of people are already using sex toys during sex. So why not join the fun? According to one 2022 survey, around 46 percent of men in the U.S. said that they owned at least one anal toy, while 41 percent said that they owned at least one vibrator. And these are just the men who disclosed having these toys. With a strong possibility of underreporting, those figures may well be much higher.

Another study, using research from 2020, found that 46 percent of men and 55.4 percent of women reported ever having used a sex toy during partnered sex. This included toys that stimulate the penis and testicles. 

Here, find out why so many people are using sex toys during partnered sex, learn about the reported health benefits of using sex toys, and get tips for how to introduce the pleasure tools into the fun.

Sex toys can certainly help with spicing up your sex life, but they also have the power to do much more. Some research suggests that people who use sex toys see them as having positive effects on their sexual and mental health. Here are a few things you should know:

• Men who use sex toys are more likely to prioritize their sexual health. A study on male vibrator use concluded that men who use sex toys are more likely to participate in behaviors that promote sexual health, like genital self-exams. Men in this demographic also report better erections, orgasms, and sexual satisfaction.

• Sex toys may improve your relationship. Some research in men and women connects sex toy use to increased sexual experimentation and improved connection to one’s partner. Using sex toys has also been associated with relieving stress, along with improving sexual performance and treatment for sexual dysfunctions.

• Sex toys may help erectile function. Other research shows certain vibrator-like devices worn around the penis may improve psychological ED by increasing blood flow and relaxing erectile tissues. Learn more about what causes erectile dysfunction and current ED treatments.

• Sex toys can help you last longer. A penis ring, or cock ring, can help you maintain an erection longer by constricting blood flow out of the penis. This may be useful if you struggle with ED .

Sex toys can also be helpful for improving accessibility to pleasure for people of any gender who experience certain sexual dysfunctions, chronic illnesses, or disabilities, says Suzannah Weiss, an American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT)-certified sex educator and author of Subjectified: Becoming a Sexual Subject.

“If you feel embarrassed or nervous about using a sex toy, I’d recommend thinking about why you are choosing to use it,” she says. This can help you choose the right sex toy for your needs and also guide you in how to approach a conversation about it with your partner. “For instance, maybe you want to see if your body can experience something new, or you simply want a more efficient way to get aroused or orgasm,” she adds. “If it’s the latter, I’d clarify that any dissatisfaction you experience in this regard is not because of your partner.”

There’s no universal best sex toy. What’s best for you is what feels the most pleasurable.

For male toys, you may want to consider vibrators, cock rings, butt plugs, and prostate simulators.

For female toys, vibrators reign supreme for clitoral stimulation, but you may also want to consider wands and dildos.

You can use all of these sex toys together during partnered sex if you and your partner are open to trying. There are toys that you can share with your partner (more on these later).

Male Sex Toys for Better Sex and Masturbation

If you are new to sex toys, Weiss suggests starting off by considering what you want to get out of the experience. “If you are looking to use a sex toy with your partner, talk about what exactly it is you’d like to do together,” she says. “For instance, for those interested in anal play, you might try a butt plug or prostate stimulator, which you can wear during a blowjob or handjob to enhance the experience.”

She says that while some couples are also interested in exploring pegging, where one partner wears a strap-on and penetrates the other anally, she wouldn’t recommend trying this if you are new to anal play. “I’d start with a butt plug or prostate stimulator and work your way up to this.”

And though you may think of vibrators as a female sex toy, Weiss says that some people enjoy the sensation of a vibrator on the penis, especially the sensitive underside, known as the frenulum. For a high-tech experience, you may also want to look into a remote-controlled sex toy that your partner can operate.

There are also cock rings, which are worn at the base of the penis to help you maintain harder and longer-lasting erections. You may also consider using a vibrating cock ring, which can pleasure both partners at the same time. 

Learn more about the best male toys for the bedroom.

Female Sex Toys for Foreplay, Penetrative Sex, and More

There’s a wide orgasm gap between men and women. One recent study found that 82 percent of men reported having an orgasm during their most recent casual sex encounter compared with only 32 percent of women.

Focusing on the clitoris can be helpful for achieving the female orgasm. And while you can do this in certain sex positions and during oral sex, using a sex toy can be helpful for including clitoral stimulation with more ease and regularity.

Vibrators are some of the most  popular sex toys to use on a female partner, but there are many subtypes of this toy. Here’s how to tell them apart:

• Bullet vibrators. These small, phallic-shaped devices are great for beginners. They can be used for clitoral stimulation or inserted for G-spot, vaginal, and anal pleasure.

• Wand vibrators. These toys are larger and mightier. Some women may prefer them because they offer more broad stimulation to the clitoris and vulva.

• Rabbit vibrators. These aptly named rabbit-shaped sex toys are designed for simultaneous vaginal and clitoral stimulation.

• Clitoral suction vibrators. These toys are all about the clit. They use air-pressure technology to pleasure the clitoris by overstimulating it.

Beyond the world of vibrators, there are glass-, steel- and silicone-based dildos for pure vaginal or anal stimulation. Just be sure to use plenty of lube when playing with these toys to keep things slippery and satisfying.

Can My Partner and I Share Sex Toys?

Absolutely. According to Paul Aaron Travis, an AASECT-certified sex educator and founder of The School for Love, “Anal toys can be swapped and appreciated—especially when you can use remote controls to tease and surprise your partner by adjusting fast between slow patterns.” He also says that some dildos make good prostate stimulators.

Just be sure to wash any shared sex toy between uses. According to one 2017 survey of 1,000 adults, only 57 percent of men said they clean their sex toys after each use. And 36 percent said they had never cleaned their sex toys, increasing their risk of infection.

When introducing sex toys into your relationship for the first time, start with an open-ended conversation, says Weiss. “Ask them if they’ve ever been curious about bringing toys into the bedroom and, if so, what most appeals to them. Mention what you’d enjoy using and ask if that appeals to them.”

She says if you’re hoping to use the toy to facilitate arousal or orgasm, you may want to reassure your partner that you’re attracted to them and need help in these areas. If it’s true, share that this extends to when you’re alone or when you’ve been with other partners to avoid having them feel inadequate.

Travis, who has used sex toys with his female partners, suggests timing the conversation appropriately. “Make sure it's a mutually good time to discuss this topic. For example, you might say, 'Hey babe, I've been wanting to discuss something with you so that we can make our sex life even better—would this evening work for you?' Then surface whatever is driving the curiosity or desire.” 

He says you may want to come prepared with a particular sex toy in mind and ask for their support in using it. “Sex toys aren’t a crutch,” he says. “They're an amplifier of pleasure.”

Some other tips for introducing sex toys into the bedroom:

• Make a list. Draw up a yes/no/maybe list with your partner of sexual activities and toys you may want to try in the bedroom.

• Shop for the toy together. Travis says you can turn sex toy shopping into a fun night out. Doing so can also build anticipation as a form of foreplay.

• Share sexual fantasies. Ask your partner to share their sexual fantasies and then share your own, throwing sex toys into the mix.

• Make sexual communication a regular thing. Sexual communication has been linked to sexual satisfaction. Check in with your partner regularly to share your desires so you both feel comfortable growing sexually.

There’s no reason to feel uncomfortable or ashamed about wanting to bring sex toys into the bedroom. In fact, it’s something to celebrate. If you’re having trouble approaching the conversation and need more support, it may be worth talking to a therapist or other mental health professional to get actionable advice. Remember:

• Sex toys can enhance both solo and partnered sex. Using sex toys may increase sexual satisfaction, improve sexual dysfunctions, and even help you feel more connected to your partner.

• Introducing sex toys starts with healthy communication. It's important to have honest and open conversations with your partner about desires, boundaries, and what toys you might want to explore together.

• Choosing the right toy depends on your goals. Be sure to think about what you’re hoping to achieve with your sex toy. Do you want to improve arousal, last longer, or explore new sensations? Understanding these answers may guide you in selecting the right toy for your needs.

If you’re turning to sex toys to improve a sexual issue like erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, you may want to explore all treatment options available. Get advice from a healthcare professional today to get started.