From friends with benefits and booty calls to one-night stands and beyond, there are many ways to engage in casual sex, which refers to consensual sexual activity that occurs outside of an ongoing committed relationship, according to the Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science.
From friends with benefits and booty calls to one-night stands and beyond, there are many ways to engage in casual sex, which refers to consensual sexual activity that occurs outside of an ongoing committed relationship, according to the Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science.
According to that definition of casual sex, people who engage in it typically do not expect a future romantic relationship to result from the sexual activities. Rather, the engagement is meant to be short-term and can include a variety of intimate behaviors such as kissing, petting, oral sex, or penetrative intercourse.
If you’re interested in having sex but not in a relationship, keep reading to explore tips, strategies, risks, and more.
Engaging in casual sex means having loosely defined, commitment-free sexual relations, sometimes also referred to as “no strings attached” encounters And while the nature of hookup culture is often associated with college students and young adults, data shows it’s actually much further reaching and more prevalent.
According to a 2022 Pew Research Center survey of more than 6,000 American adults, quite a few people across all ages reported that they use dating sites and apps like Tinder, OkCupid, and Match as a means to have casual sex: Almost one in four said they are on apps to look for casual sex. Among those over age 50, 22 percent reported they use dating apps for casual sex.
Casual hookups come in a variety of flavors.
They include:
One-night stands: One-night stands refer to single sexual encounters that occur only once, with no expectation of a future hookup or relationship of any sort.
Friends with benefits (FWB): “Friends with benefits” describes a relationship dynamic in which established platonic friends decide to become physically intimate and have sexual relations.
Booty call: A booty call is an invitation for casual sex, typically between people who already know each other. Unlike one-night stands, which are usually a one-time event, a booty call can happen multiple times or regularly. Booty calls are also different from friends-with-benefits relationships. While a FWB situation may involve an emotional connection based on a preexisting friendship, a booty call is purely sexual, without any form of attachment.
Sex with an ex: Casual sex with an ex allows the people involved to receive sexual pleasure from someone they’re already familiar with. Neither partner needs to start from scratch in finding out how to pleasure the other because they’ve been there, done that.
Swinging: Swinging is a form of non-monogamy in which people in committed or open relationships have casual sex with others who are in similar relationship structures or are single.
Some people are better at separating romantic feelings from sexual desires, so general statements about the benefits of casual sex are hard to make. While not universally true, some research has found that people who are more inclined to casual sex have better self-esteem, life satisfaction and less anxiety.
However, data supports that women tend to report more regret, loneliness, and rejection compared to men following a hookup. Those feelings are often a result of fears regarding negative perception from others.
With that in mind, casual sex can be healthy, satisfying, and life-boosting in the following scenarios (all of which include safe-sex practices like consent and protection):
You just got out of a long-term relationship and want to maintain your sex life without committing to someone new
You’re interested in refining your sexual skills with new partners
You want to explore new sex acts or kinks
You’re sexually frustrated or lonely
You’re looking to decompress and relieve stress
Sure, there’s the possibility that you may walk away from a casual sex experience feeling regretful or worried. However, one 2016 study found that men tend to regret missed sexual opportunities more than women do, while women tend to regret having casual sex more than men do.
There are other potential risks involved with having casual sex, though. It’s possible to contract an STIs or have an unplanned pregnancy as a result of casual sex, which is why it’s always crucial to practice safe sex.
Another drawback is that one person may develop feelings and want a more serious relationship, while the other prefers to keep things casual. This mismatch in desires can lead to frustration and disappointment, as one person may feel emotionally invested while the other remains detached.
Yes, casual sex can lead to a serious relationship. After all, it’s not uncommon to develop feelings for someone you’ve been intimate with.
However, hoping casual sex will lead to a relationship after you’ve already agreed to keep things light can lead to disappointment. Establishing boundaries early on and regularly communicating is important to ensure you’re both on the same page and that nobody gets hurt.
If you’d like to pursue casual relationships and you don’t know where to start, head to the apps. Whether you’re using Tinder, Grindr, Feeld, Bumble, or any other platform, you can find people looking for casual sex partners. The easiest way to identify them is to state your intentions clearly in your profile so that when a person swipes right, they know what they’re getting.
A sex club, aka swingers club or lifestyle club, is a venue where attendees engage in public sex or watch others engage in sex. They often require memberships or entrance fees. Sex clubs are a great way to find casual sex or get off on the voyeuristic aspect of watching others have sex in a safe and secure environment regulated by staffed security guards.
To avoid potential confusion and hurt feelings, being clear from the outset about what you do and don’t want when pursuing a casual relationship is essential. Leading someone on and manipulating them to have sex when you know they want something more can be damaging and is, well, just uncool.
Whether you’re petting, having oral sex, or engaging in penetrative sex, it’s essential to get clear and enthusiastic consent from your partner throughout the entire encounter. And this goes for every time you have sex, not just the first time. Also, remember that consent can be withdrawn at any time, even if you’ve already started having sex.
Purely sexual relationships shouldn’t be devoid of respect and decency. Take time to find out what your partner wants out of the sexual encounter so both of you can benefit from the experience. Don’t just kick them to the curb once you’ve climaxed or skip aftercare gestures.
Some people who have casual sex avoid engaging in emotionally intimate activities they might reserve for relationships. For instance, they might avoid cuddling after sex or sleepovers. If this is you, you might prefer to hook up at their place instead of your own so you can leave when you want. This doesn’t give you carte balance to be rude, though. There’s no harm in hanging out for a bit in post-coital bliss, even if you don’t plan on cuddling.
And, again, ensuring that both parties share their expectations and boundaries before engaging in any relations is the safest way to ensure everyone feels safe, respected, and fulfilled.
Casual sex should be just that—casual. The point is to have fun, find pleasure, and explore new sides of your sexuality if you want. If something feels off and you end up leaving a sexual experience feeling worse than before, you may want to reach out to a mental health professional to figure out what’s going on.
When looking for a casual hookup, you want to feel like your best self. If any underlying insecurities are holding you back, now’s the time to tackle them.
Here are some actionable tips to improve your self-confidence:
Work out regularly and eat a nutrient-rich diet
Cut back on drinking and stop smoking
Consider hair loss medications if you’re balding
Upgrade your wardrobe
Keep your home clean
Use products to help you last longer in bed if you’re afraid of climaxing quickly
Get help for issues like erectile dysfunction
Find local sex-positive communities
Get comfortable talking about sex
Learn not to take rejection personally
As previously mentioned, some people may avoid activities like cuddling or sleepovers in casual relationships, while others may not mind them. It’s essential for you and your partner to each communicate your boundaries openly before engaging in casual sex.
Some boundaries you might consider include:
Types of physical contact you’re comfortable with
Frequency of encounters
Agreement to disclose if either party develops feelings
No expectation of exclusivity
No public outings or dates
Consistent condom use and regular STI testing
No sleepovers
Minimal texting
Limiting the sharing of personal information
The ability to end the situation at any time
If you start developing emotional feelings for a casual hookup, it’s important to disclose that. But, being so transparent and vulnerable can be easier said than done. Here are some signs to look for that might mean you or your partner is interested in something more than casual sex:
Wanting to spend more time together outside of the bedroom
Feeling jealous about other potential partners
Excessive calling or texting
Feeling upset when they’re not available
Having more intimate conversations
Wanting to introduce each other to friends or family
Whether or not casual sex is healthy depends on the individuals involved and the context. Casual sex can be an empowering experience for everyone if these conditions are true:
Neither of you felt pressured into the experience
You’ve taken precautions to stay safe
You both walk away feeling satisfied
A 2020 systematic review of 71 articles, published in The Journal of Sex Research, concluded that most people rate their casual sexual relationships and experiences positively overall. However, some of these experiences are associated with short-term declines in emotional health.
Some reasons why people may experience these declines include alcohol use, not knowing their sexual partner well, and not using condoms (particularly for men who have sex with men). In contrast, having permissive sexual attitudes and being sexually satisfied during the sexual experience are associated with better emotional outcomes.
Casual sex is linked to a higher risk of contracting STIs. To protect your sexual health, always do the following:
Consistently use condoms and other barriers like dental dams
Test regularly for STIs
Use backup birth control methods, like oral contraceptives
Practice good hygiene
Wash sex toys after every use
If you have an STI, be open about your status
Random sex can be empowering as long as both feel good about the experience. Remember:
Casual sex comes in various forms. From one-night stands to swinging and beyond, casual sex can take many shapes, each with its own dynamics.
Prioritize your physical and mental health. While casual sex can boost self-esteem and enhance sexual pleasure, it carries risks like STIs, unintended pregnancies, and emotional complications. Take steps to practice safe sex, and recognize the signs of developing emotional attachment in order to maintain a positive experience.
Communicate and set clear boundaries to ensure both partners have aligned expectations. To have a healthy casual sex experience, it's crucial to openly discuss boundaries, consent, and desires with your partner. Respect each other’s needs and be clear about your intentions to help avoid misunderstandings.
Want more tips on how to have better sex? Find out what women want men to stop doing during sex, how to tactfully ask for a blowjob, and whether or not open relationships work.
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