How to Please a Woman: A Guide to Shared Pleasure

Wondering how to please a woman sexually? You’ve come to the right place.

Most guys aren’t thinking as hard as they could be about their partner’s pleasure, which is unfortunate because a little more awareness could lead to a lot more orgasms. 

If you’re hoping to deepen intimacy and satisfaction — and keep the experience exciting — there are a few key things to know.

Read on to learn about how men and women experience pleasure differently, as well as tips on how to please a woman and increase her pleasure — maybe even alongside your own.

Female Pleasure vs. Male Pleasure

If you’re under the misguided impression that what feels good for you feels good for her, let’s pause for a moment and rethink that assumption. Sexual pleasure is a complex and subjective experience, and it can differ greatly between individuals, regardless of their gender.

Consider the outcomes — a 2016 study of more than 50,000 adults found that while 95 percent of men reported having an orgasm during their last sexual encounter, only 65 percent of women did.

Women can experience multiple orgasms in succession, while men — who are unable to do so — experience something called a refractory period. During this time, they’re unable to perform sexually for minutes or hours after their most recent orgasm.

In other words, sexual pleasure is basically a different language for women, thanks to differences in physiology and psychological factors.

Before getting into how to please a woman, let’s look at these differences in more detail.

Physiology

We’re going to skip the birds and bees lecture here. Instead, let’s get to the good stuff: the clitoris.

When pleasuring a woman, please don’t overlook this highly sensitive erogenous zone. It contains thousands of nerve endings and — fun fact — is the only organ in the human body that exists solely for sexual pleasure.

Whereas your penis is stimulated when it goes inside an orifice, the clitoris doesn’t do penetration. So, unless it’s given some personal attention, it doesn’t get much stimulation.

And it needs stimulation. Studies have shown that in-out motions are simply not as satisfying for women as they are for men. While guys might be getting all the stimulation they need from penetration alone, women can often make penetration more pleasurable with additional movements or alterations.

More than half of the women surveyed found that rocking, angling, shallowing (shallow penetration), and pairing (adding stimulation with a hand or toy) increased their pleasure measurably.

The vagina, meanwhile, can become engorged with blood during sexual arousal. However, research suggests most women don’t experience orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone and require direct clitoral stimulation to climax.

Of course, this ignores the very real G-spot. But rather than give you a bunch of G-spot sex tips, we’ll remind you that your partner will have specific preferences, and the simplest way to know how to please her in a way that feels best for her is to ask.

A 2017 study found that there’s no single strategy in terms of what all women like. Women 18 to 94 reported “diverse” preferences for genital stimulation, including the amount of pressure, the location of the touching, and the shape and pattern of the strokes.

Psychology

While men, as a group, tend to be more aroused by visual stimulation and comfortable exploring different partners, studies have shown that an emotional connection really matters to a lot of women when it comes to having great sex.

Generally speaking, research shows that every woman is different in her ability to orgasm, her sexual desire levels, and how important an orgasm is to her overall satisfaction with her sex life. In other words, every woman wants something unique.

The one common thread is that orgasm frequency and intensity increased based on the depth of connection the women had with their partners.

How to Please a Woman: 9 Techniques

Pleasure for women is about communication, comfort, consent, excitement, and the right kind(s) of stimulation. If you’re not sure exactly how to provide her with these things, the easiest thing to do is ask.

Knowing what (and how and when) to ask is a little more complicated, so we’ve assembled some guidelines for getting the conversation right. 

Here are a few techniques for how to please your partner:

• Engage in foreplay

• Experiment with different positions

• Pay attention to the clitoris

• Practice mindfulness

• Use lubrication

• Practice Kegel exercises

• Explore fantasies

• Communicate

• Seek professional help

Engage in Foreplay

If you’re aroused, foreplay can often help your partner get on the same level. Quick foreplay tips: try kissing, sensual and erotic massage, or even sexting to help your partner’s arousal reach the same levels as yours while building anticipation and desire.

And if you’re a guy who struggles to last longer in bed, running out the clock while running your fingers, lips, or a sex toy over her whole body, or engaging in some oral sex are the ultimate hacks for an orgasm assist during foreplay.

Experiment With Different Positions

Pleasure and arousal go hand in hand, and one of the things that can diminish arousal over time is letting things go stale. Look, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, but to keep a relationship happy, you have to try new things sometimes. 

Enhancing your sex life with new and different sexual positions may be a little awkward at first. Still, trying something new together can do more than put you two in a sex-positive team mindset.

A new position might stimulate different parts of her body and ultimately lead to the best sex she’s ever had. Different positions can also help men who struggle with erectile dysfunction (ED) or may be self-conscious about their size.

Pay Attention to the Clitoris

So you’ve found the clitoris. Congratulations to you and your healthy sex life!

Here’s the thing: the clitoris is a highly sensitive part of a woman’s body that can be stimulated to produce intense pleasure, but don’t assume more intensity equals more pleasure. Gentle, intentional touch goes a long way — but everyone’s preferences are different.

Direct stimulation may be exactly what some women want, but touching, rubbing, or using a vibrator on the clitoris during foreplay or intercourse can be highly pleasurable for women, even if it’s not done at full intensity. Check in with your partner about what feels good, and go from there.

Practice Mindfulness

We’re not trying to get all spiritual while you’re trying to get busy, but mindfulness does have a place in the bedroom. Focusing on the sensations and experiences of the present moment and maybe investing in some eye contact can connect you more deeply with your partner and help both of you enjoy sex more fully. 

It’s also a good idea to check in on your partner if they seem checked out, anxious, distracted, or uncomfortable — more on communication in a moment.

Use Lubrication

It’s particularly helpful for women who experience vaginal dryness or discomfort due to hormonal changes (see: menopause) or medications. We have more tips for great senior sex that you should check out if you want to know more.

Practice Kegel Exercises

Hitting the gym helps you feel more confident about your body during sex — but practicing Kegel exercises is functional strength training that can help you last longer.

Kegels strengthen the pelvic floor muscles of both men and women, which improves sexual function and pleasure for you and your partner. These exercises can also be particularly helpful for men struggling with premature ejaculation (PE) by giving them greater control over their orgasms.

Explore Fantasies

Opening up to your partner about your threesome fantasy may or may not lead to the best weekend of your life. But generally speaking, fantasies are something you should share with your partner.

Many women have sexual fantasies they may feel embarrassed about or ashamed to share with their partners — something you can maybe understand yourself. Encouraging a woman to share her fantasies with you can help increase your shared intimacy.

It can also lead to some cool experiences and growth in your relationship. 

Communicate

You’ve heard it before, but open, honest communication really is essential — not just for improving pleasure, but for building trust and emotional connection. And we’re not just talking about sharing fantasies or successfully executing foreplay here. 

Talking openly and honestly about likes, dislikes, and boundaries with your partner can create a safe, comfortable space for both people to enjoy themselves, reduce performance anxiety, and help everyone achieve orgasm.

Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, things just aren’t working. Maybe you’re losing your erection during sex or finishing too fast. Maybe you have low self-esteem about your body, or you’re having difficulty connecting to a partner who’s checked out. 

In any case, seeking professional guidance from a sex therapist or doctor can be very helpful for problems that can’t be solved by foreplay. Experts can provide support, advice, and treatment options, including therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes.

Addressing premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction might make all the difference in your sex life — and your partner’s, for that matter.

The Bottom Line: How to Pleasure a Woman

Wanna know the secret to pleasing a woman? It’s putting the work in.

Society paints sex as all pleasure all the time, but a great partner knows that give and take is about more than who’s currently receiving.

The “work” you put in doesn’t have to be hard, though. It’s just the bare minimum of being a good partner and taking care of yourself.

Here’s a recap of what we’ve talked about in five convenient takeaways:

• Be adventurous. If you’re excited to try something new or explore an unprobed area of your sex life, there’s a good chance your partner will be, too — especially if you communicate openly.

• Communicate. Tell them what turns you on, and share fantasies you’re interested in exploring — but make sure to invite them to do the same. After all, a big part of pleasing a woman is to simply listen.

• Listen. Make sure you understand what they are and aren’t comfortable with. Listening also extends to yourself, your own body.

• Take care of your health. No matter how “in the mood” you and your partner are, if you’re struggling alone with ED or PE, you’re not going to be present, focused, or vulnerable. Of course, finding the right treatment can take time, which is why you and your partner both need to be patient.

• Be patient. Whether it’s helping her catch up with your enthusiasm with proper foreplay or her waiting for you to be ready for the next round, patience is more than a necessary evil between orgasms. In fact, the space between orgasms is where all the magic happens.

Need more help? Not sure how to handle lingering problems like PE, ED, or performance anxiety? We can assist.

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