No matter how skilled you are in the bedroom, if you want to learn how to have better sex, there’s always room for improvement.
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(unless otherwise noted).
No matter how skilled you are in the bedroom, if you want to learn how to have better sex, there’s always room for improvement. After all, even the most decorated athletes keep practicing long after they’ve won championships.
Whether you’re dating someone with a high libido or you’re just trying to improve your sexual stamina, our strategies for cultivating and maintaining a healthy sex life stand to help you turn good sex into great sex. And your own sexual satisfaction, along with that of your partner’s, stands to pay off.
Before learning the specific tips for how to have a better sex life, ask yourself this question: Why, specifically, are you here?
You may view your sex life as “good” or “bad.” You or your partner might already be sexually satisfied, or you might both be aware of sexual problems keeping you from deeply connecting.
Know this: Sexual satisfaction and communication are intrinsically linked, and when communication breaks down, it can become an underlying cause of intimacy problems.
Once you and your partner work together to identify what you both want out of your physically intimate relationship, it will become easier to pinpoint what you need to do to start having the sex of your dreams.
The first tip is simple, easy, and direct: Learn.
Learning is fun, especially when the curriculum hinges on having a good sex life. But seriously — though you might think you remember everything from your high school sex education class, there’s always more to learn.
Education can help broach subjects that you may find difficult to talk about. You can share articles, passages, and materials without having to, you know…say it out loud.
It’s also a great way to explore solutions to problems like painful sex, find words to describe your particular sexual desires, and, ultimately, become a more intelligent sexual partner.
If you need a refresh on some of the basics, check out this guide to the clitoris, explore the world of sexual kinks, learn some new foreplay techniques, and get some fresh ideas on what to say during sex.
Now that we’ve covered the mind, let’s talk about muscles.
We work out to build muscle and stamina. Strong pelvic floor muscles can help you last longer. Exercises like edging and Kegels can improve your sexual fitness and stamina, specifically. In fact, studies have supported that performing targeted exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor can help improve symptoms of premature ejaculation (PE), a sexual dysfunction in which you orgasm faster than you would like.
Your pelvic muscles are also responsible for urinary health, so it’s important to work them out regularly.
Here’s how to do it:
Empty your bladder.
Squeeze and hold your pelvic floor muscles (the ones you use to stop a flow of urine mid-stream) for five seconds.
Release and rest for five seconds, and then repeat.
Repeat that flow 10 to 20 times, three to four times daily.
We’re all for checking off every position in the Kama Sutra. But let’s make one thing clear: Trying new sex positions doesn’t mean being an acrobat.
Finding ways to deepen your pleasure (and that of your partner’s) may require balance and flexibility. However, plenty of positions for oral sex and penetrative sex can stimulate erogenous zones — like the G-spot, clitoris, and prostate — without you having to make the Olympic qualifiers.
Who doesn’t love toys? Whether you’re into kinks or not, sex toys (like this penis vibrator) are pretty mainstream these days, and they can help you maximize your sexual pleasure in novel ways. Some sex toys may even help with ED.
Here are some sex toys to add to your repertoire:
Standing O penis rings to help you stay hard longer
Thrill Ride prostate massager for prostate play
Classic bullet vibrator for his and hers pleasure
Lubricants can make sex more pleasurable (and less painful), particularly for people who struggle to produce natural lubrication. This includes women going through menopause, who experience a drop in estrogen, which can contribute to vaginal dryness.
Using lube can also help couples of different sizes with anal sex.
So make sure to keep some on hand, on your nightstand, and on everything else. We recommend using a premium water-based lube that’s safe for sensitive skin.
Recording your sexual fantasies on paper to share with your partner is a great way to foster clear sexual communication and boost intimacy.
Taking time to prepare and jot down your fantasies before chatting about them can also help you broach the subject, especially if you’re uncertain about how your partner may react. The same goes for sharing a favorite movie scene, fetish, or activity as a visual explainer. It may arouse your partner or shock them, but that’s where our next tip comes in.
There’s a lot of taboo, shame, and self-consciousness wrapped up in sexual fantasies. Whether you’re more into kink or cuddles (or have a cuddle kink), everyone has a different set of turn-on criteria — and your partner may not share yours.
When you talk about these things with them, remember to make the conversation a safe environment for sharing. Don’t judge — and if they judge, don’t get defensive. This is new territory, so take it slow.
You should also adopt the “take it slow” advice regarding the physical side of intimacy and your expectations of what makes sense for your specific sex life.
Although we’d all like to imagine we can handle that hours-long tantric experience, that may not be possible (or safe) if you’re older, overweight, or not in great health.
Don’t strain yourself, push your limits, risk injury, or take any medications not prescribed to you.
Therapy may not feel directly connected to intimacy. But believe it or not, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues can hinder sexual function, sex drive, and libido.
In the same vein, addressing issues like low self-esteem, intimacy fears, and performance anxiety is essential for everyone involved to have a good time.
Whether you choose the route of individual therapy, couples therapy, sex therapy, or something else, talking to a mental health professional can be a crucial step to having better sex.
Masturbation is an important tool to help you learn what you enjoy sexually so you can better communicate your desires to your partner.
Other health benefits of masturbation include reduced stress, pain relief, better sleep, and improved ejaculatory control.
Don’t know where to start? Check out this guide to mindful masturbation to take your self-pleasure game to the next level.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the recurring inability to achieve or maintain an erection. Millions of men live with ED, and treating it may require professional assistance.
ED can manifest as a result of physiological factors. Poor diet, drug use, excess body weight, high blood pressure, heart disease, and heavy alcohol intake can all contribute. ED can also be related to psychological issues like anxiety, depression, and chronic stress.
Fortunately, a variety of ED treatments are available, including PDE5-inhibitor medications. These widen the blood vessels to encourage better blood flow to the penis. Common PDE5-1 inhibitors include Viagra® (sildenafil) and Cialis® (tadalafil), which are research-backed to be effective for many people. You can also try an option that comes in a discreet format, like chewable Hard Mints, which contain sildenafil and tadalafil in personalized dosages.
Another potential obstacle in the way of your ideal sex life may be premature ejaculation. If you are having difficulty controlling your ejaculation, and your sex sessions don’t last as long as you and your partner want, reach out for help. A healthcare professional may recommend any number of PE treatments, including SSRIs, like sertraline or paroxetine, or numbing agents, like our Clockstopper benzocaine wipes.
Sexual health relies on whole-body health. Making the following lifestyle tweaks can help you achieve a better sex life while lowering your risk of other health issues.
Cut back on alcohol. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), alcohol can contribute to ED in men.
Stop smoking. Smoking is associated with worse sexual health compared to non-smokers, but its negative effects on erectile function and libido may be reversed if you stop smoking.
Follow a nutritious diet. Obese and overweight men who lose weight by following a low-fat, low-calorie diet or the Mediterranean diet reportedly see improvements in their erectile function and testosterone levels. If you don’t have access to various foods to obtain essential vitamins and minerals, consider working to close that nutritional gap with supplements.
Exercise regularly. Studies support that regular physical activity, such as aerobic exercise, can enhance erectile function in men. Exercise may also promote heart health, lower the risk of chronic diseases, and improve mood.
Prioritize better sleep. Poor sleep has been linked to erectile dysfunction, lower urinary tract symptoms, and low testosterone. Aim to get seven to eight hours every night.
Practice mindfulness to lower stress. In addition to lowering stress, some research supports that mindfulness may protect against sexual insecurities and improve sexual satisfaction in men.
Check your testosterone levels. Low testosterone, which becomes increasingly common with age, is associated with reduced sex drive, ED, fatigue, low sperm count, and a host of other symptoms and conditions. Get your levels checked if you suspect your testosterone could use a boost.
Have regular medical checkups. Stay on top of your health to catch medical issues early and treat them before they become chronic problems.
Here’s what to keep in mind if you want to have a better sex life:
Your sexual health focuses on the physical, emotional, and mental well-being of you, your partner, and the intimacy you share. If something feels off, talk about it openly and without judgment. While intense orgasms are great, a satisfying sex life is about making your partner feel safe, aroused, and enthusiastic about your intimate time together.
A better sex life necessarily requires improving your mind, body, and emotional connection to get the best out of every sexual experience. This may require refreshing your sex education, ruling out health conditions that may be hindering intimacy, or talking to a trusted therapist.
Help is available. Healthcare professionals may prescribe medications, recommend lifestyle changes, or refer you to a therapist to treat sexual dysfunctions.
If you think you could use more support in the bedroom for sexual performance issues like ED or premature ejaculation, get advice from a healthcare professional today.
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