How to Be a Sexually Confident Man

What Is Sexual Confidence?

Sexual confidence is the confidence you carry into sexual situations. It’s the ability to feel comfortable with yourself, your body, and the type of sexual experiences you enjoy.

Poor self-esteem can impact your relationships, and even your ability to have satisfying sex.

If you want to learn how to be a sexually confident man, you may have to address medical problems or mental health issues dragging your confidence down. Or, you may just need to shift the way you see yourself.

Below, we’ll share simple steps you can take to shed insecurities and take charge in the bedroom. Many of these steps, from addressing body image issues to prioritizing self-care, can help build confidence in the bedroom for men and women.

What Sexual Confidence Looks Like in Men and Women

So, what does sexual confidence look like in real life? A sexually confident person doesn’t just feel good about themselves. They’re also able to identify their sexual desires and discuss them with their partner.

Let’s break down what sexual confidence entails in more detail:

• Understanding your sexual desires. A huge part of sexual confidence is understanding what you enjoy sexually, from your sexual orientation to the type of sex you find most pleasurable.

• Being able to communicate your desires to your partner. Sexual confidence includes being able to express your sexual needs to your partner, and listening to their needs and preferences.

• Not feeling guilty or anxious about sex. Another aspect of sexual self-confidence is simply enjoying yourself. Sex is healthy and natural, and there’s no reason to feel anxious or guilty about sexual intimacy.

• Being able to set and enforce sexual boundaries. Finally, sexual confidence involves understanding your limits when it comes to sex, and respecting your partner’s boundaries.

What Causes a Lack of Confidence in the Bedroom?

A variety of factors can impact your sexual confidence. If you’re male, you may have low sexual confidence due to body issues that make you self-conscious. Sexual dysfunctions like premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction (ED) can also impact how confident you feel in intimate situations.

Other physical factors that may play a role in male sexual confidence issues include:

• Height

• Weight

• Penis size

• Physical disability

• Medical conditions

Mental health issues like anxiety, depression, or fear of rejection can impact your sexual confidence, too. And so can feelings of sexual shame.

Many of the factors that affect sexual confidence in men also have a negative impact on sexual confidence in women. These include:

• Not feeling attractive enough for your partner

• Feeling like you have different sexual needs (e.g., a low sex drive)

• Feeling anxious or guilty about sex

If you think you’re not going to make your partner happy, you’re in the wrong headspace for a satisfying and enjoyable sexual encounter.

Contrary to what self-help books and YouTube videos might tell you, there’s no surefire way to become more sexually self-confident overnight.

Instead, becoming more sexually confident is a gradual process that involves many small, meaningful steps. These may include:

• Improving your body image

• Beefing up your communication skills

• Learning to accept your sexual desires and preferences

The good news is that by taking small steps, you can improve your sexual confidence over time and grow into the person you want to be.

1. Address Your Body Image Issues, Whether Big or Small

Your body image can have a huge impact on both your sexual self-confidence and your general confidence as a person.

A healthy body image means feeling comfortable and satisfied with how your body looks. It doesn’t mean being obsessed with perfection — it’s about accepting who you are physically and feeling comfortable in your own skin.

A variety of factors can have a negative impact on your body image, including experiencing bullying or comparing yourself to images that give you unrealistic expectations about your appearance.

Whether you have a lingering concern related to body dysmorphia, concerns about penis size, or sexual performance anxiety, it always helps to get your body image concerns under control.

For some men, losing weight may produce improvements in sexual function. Read more about the link between weight and erectile dysfunction.

2. Treat Sexual Performance Issues Like ED or PE

Sexual performance issues are more common than you think. When they affect your ability to have great sex, these issues can have a major impact on your sexual confidence and self-esteem.

According to the National Institutes of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Disease, erectile dysfunction affects 30 percent of adult men in the U.S.

Premature ejaculation is also common, with an estimated prevalence of 30 to 75 percent.

If you have a sexual health issue, treating it can improve your sexual confidence and make you feel more comfortable with your partner.

Erectile dysfunction treatments include:

• Sildenafil (the active ingredient in Viagra®)

• Tadalafil (Cialis®)

• Chewable ED meds

Our Clockstopper Climax Delay Wipes and prescription medication can help with premature ejaculation.

Combined with a healthy lifestyle, these products can improve your ability to get and maintain an erection, contributing to greater confidence in the bedroom.

3. Integrate Power Moves Into the Bedroom

While you can’t “fake it til’ you make it” when it comes to sexual confidence, there are a few moves you can try to feel more empowered:

• Practice positive self-talk. Pay yourself some compliments before having sex. Remind yourself of your skills, your past wins, and what you’re most proud of. Studies show self-talk can enhance self-confidence and reduce anxiety, making you feel like your best self.

• Maintain eye contact with your partner. The next time you’re initiating foreplay or having sex, try maintaining eye contact. Eye contact signals romantic attraction and can intensify sexual arousal for you and your partner.

• Try dirty talk. Dirty talk can be a hot addition to your sex life (and also a great way to get consent). If you’re new to dirty talk, take some time to figure out what you can say confidently. Check out this guide to what to say during sex and learn how to ask for a blowjob.

• Brush up on your skills. Think your sex game is too basic? There’s always time to learn new techniques. Check out this guide on how to please a woman, learn how to make a woman orgasm, and explore some new sex positions.

4. Get to Know Your Sexual Needs

When it comes to sex, no two people are the same. Your desires are likely different from those of others, and there’s no shame in embracing your unique needs.

This could mean experimenting with different methods of masturbation or types of sex. If you’re not yet in an exclusive relationship, it can also mean connecting with different sexual partners to work out what you enjoy the most.

Above all, it means being non-judgmental and accepting that you are, well, you, and that what you enjoy is what you enjoy.

Satisfying sex — and, by extension, sexual self-confidence — is all about self-discovery. As you learn more about what you enjoy and who you connect with, you’ll likely begin to feel a greater sense of confidence in yourself and comfort in your body.

5. Explore Your Interests With Your Partner

While we’re not fans of faking it in the bedroom, there are a few habits related to sexual health and confidence that you might be able to improve by “faking it” until it becomes natural to you.

Practicing these may eventually lead you to feel more comfortable in bed, and they may make it easier to enjoy fulfilling sex with your partner.

One way to do this is to act as if you feel sexually confident, even if you don’t feel that way quite yet. Put yourself in the shoes of someone you view as being comfortable in their own skin, then ask yourself how they’d feel in a situation that makes you feel nervous or worried.

Sometimes, the simple act of thinking of yourself as a self-confident person can help you to take action and become one, especially when it comes to sex life.

You may also consider being more direct with your partner about things you want to try together. Ask them about things that they enjoy, from exploring fetishes and kinks to simple technique requests.

This can make it easier to explore your interests with your partner and develop a stronger, more intimate sexual relationship. After all, there’s a link between sexual communication and improved sexual satisfaction.

6. Safe is Sexy

You should never feel embarrassed to insist on safe sex, whether that means wearing a condom, using a dental dam, or setting boundaries on how far you want to go. You should also regularly test for STIs and not be afraid to ask your partners about when they last tested.

If you’re sexually inexperienced, figuring out how to use condoms or what type to use can feel intimidating at first. Check out this condom size guide to figure out what different condom sizes mean and how to find your perfect fit.

7. Talk to a Therapist to Improve Your Mental Health

Your mental health can have a big impact on your sexual confidence. In fact, many conditions that can make you feel less confident in bed — including erectile dysfunction — can occur as a result of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and chronic stress.

One way to improve your mental health and potentially improve your level of confidence in bed is to talk to a therapist about how you’re feeling.

Talk therapy, or psychotherapy, offers numerous benefits. In therapy, you can learn how to identify thoughts and behaviors that affect your mental well-being and make changes to stop these harmful thought patterns and improve your quality of life.

Another way to improve your mental health is to practice self-care as part of your daily routine. This may include positive affirmation, daily exercise, or mindfulness.

Our guide to self-care for mental health shares actionable tips that you can use to improve your mental well-being and avoid sex-related mental health issues.

Developing greater sexual confidence can make it easier to connect with your partner and have better sex. It may also reduce your risk of dealing with common issues like sexual performance anxiety, ED, or premature ejaculation.

To increase your sexual confidence, try using the tips above to feel more comfortable in your own skin during sexual activity. And remember:

• Confidence isn’t something that develops overnight. It’s natural to deal with the occasional “off” days sexually. Take it slow and focus on gradual improvements, and as time passes, you’ll likely notice that sex feels less intimidating.

• Self-confidence takes self-acceptance. Accept your sexual desires and needs before expressing them to your partner. But also be ready to listen and accept their desires and needs in return.

• Treat issues holding you back. Need help overcoming a sexual performance issue? Get advice from a healthcare professional to see if you qualify for ED medication or PE treatment.

Think you can use some mental health support? Reach out to a healthcare provider to get started.