Solo sex, or self-sex, refers to the act of stimulating yourself to achieve sexual pleasure. It’s a healthy and fulfilling way to explore your body and connect with your sensual self.
Solo sex, or self-sex, refers to the act of stimulating yourself to achieve sexual pleasure. It’s a healthy and fulfilling way to explore your body and connect with your sensual self.
Unlike partnered sex, which includes another person (or more than one person!), solo sex is a solitary endeavor that allows you to experience pleasure on your own terms.
Just like partnered sex, solo sex can be much more expansive than simply stimulating the genitals. While people often think of solo sex as masturbation exclusively, it can include any activity that connects you to your romantic, sensual, erotic, or sexual self.
Keep reading to learn how to have sex with yourself in our ultimate guide to solo sex.
Solo sex is common among people of a wide range of ages. According to one U.S. survey, which analyzed the sex habits of subjects aged 14-94, respondents of all ages masturbated. Between roughly 30 and 70 percent of men in each age group reported masturbation during the past month, and the majority of men in all age groups reported masturbation during the past year.
In one study, the main motivation for both men and women to masturbate was straightforward—it provided pleasure. Additionally, men reported solo sex for these reasons: has the following health benefits:
Stress relief
Feeling “horny”
Not getting enough sex
Wanting to relax
While rubbing your genitals until you come is one way to explore solo sex, it’s not the only way. We’ll share some tips and strategies below on how to have sex by yourself, but here are some examples of what solo sex might look like:
Rubbing/stroking your genitals
Anal play
Using a sex toy
Exploring visual or auditory erotica
Fantasizing
Whether you prefer a quickie or a slower, more mindful masturbation session, there’s no wrong way to enjoy solo sex as long as it feels good for you. Don’t be afraid to experiment—you might be pleasantly surprised by what you discover about yourself.
The benefits of solo sex go beyond pleasure—they can also include improved sleep, stress reduction, mood elevation, and even short-term pain relief.
For some people, solo sex can release sexual tension and help them explore their sexuality, fostering a deeper understanding of their desires and preferences. Some studies have also shown that it can boost self-esteem and body positivity.
Furthermore, it can support men dealing with premature ejaculation and anorgasmia to some control over ejaculation. Masturbating before sex is a strategy men with premature ejaculation can consider in addition to or instead of medication or other products. The practice reduces penile sensitivity, which can help you last longer in bed.
Some evidence suggests self-pleasure that leads to ejaculation may even support prostate health. Though more research is needed to fully understand the connection, one 2016 study found that men who ejaculated 21 times or more a month were less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer later in life.
Even more, sex — whether solo or partnered — may be linked to better brain health. In a 2017 study of 73 older adults, those who engaged in more frequent sexual activity had better cognitive function than those who did not have an active sex life. The researchers speculated that regular sexual activity may benefit cognitive function, but more research is needed to determine why exactly and if its effects go beyond social and physical factors.
Did you grow up thinking solo sexual stimulation would lead to hairy palms or blindness? You’re not alone.
Though research has repeatedly shown that masturbation is healthy and common, there remains a stigma attached to the practice. Let’s set the record straight about some of these myths:
Masturbation will not cause vision problems.
Masturbation will not shrink, or increase your penis size
Masturbation will not lead to hair loss
You will not grow hair on your palms (or elsewhere) if you masturbate.
As long as you’re not too rough, it’s rare to injure yourself masturbating (though you should read up on death grip syndrome to be sure).
Solo sex doesn’t cause infertility, and you won’t run out of semen
You won’t get acne from masturbating.
Masturbation does not cause ED.
Women masturbate, too.
You should know that even though solo sex is good for you, it’s okay if you’re not interested. For example, some people don’t masturbate or engage in sexual fantasy.
The point is no two people are the same, which is why we encourage you to think about solo sex beyond the stimulation of nerve endings in your genitals.
Keep reading to find out why solo sex is considered the safest sex, whether it can ever become problematic, and what people mean by “solosexual.”
As long as you’re not using an unclean sex toy that belongs to somebody else, there’s virtually no chance you’ll get a sexually transmitted infection (STI) from solo sex. There’s also no risk of pregnancy, so you can indulge in your sexual desires with fewer worries on your mind.
Like sex or porn addictions, masturbation addiction is not a diagnosable condition. However, there are instances when solo sex can become problematic—like if you engage in the practice compulsively and neglect other parts of your life to do so.
Some signs that you may have a problematic relationship with masturbation include:
Your work life or relationships are suffering due to your masturbation habits.
You’d rather masturbate than have sex with your partner (and it’s causing problems).
You can only get an erection when masturbating, not during partnered sex (known as situational erectile dysfunction).
You masturbate even when you don’t want to because it feels outside of your control.
You masturbate in public places where you risk getting caught.
You masturbate to escape uncomfortable emotions.
You often feel guilty or ashamed after masturbating.
Keep in mind that masturbation is still highly stigmatized in some environments. People who grew up with a strict cultural or religious background may jump to the conclusion that they have a masturbation or sex addiction simply because they have a desire to explore their own bodies. If you are worried that you might have a problem with masturbation, it’s worth talking to a sex therapist to explore your feelings.
You’ve heard of heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, and maybe even pansexual, but have you heard of solosexual?
Solosexuals prefer masturbation to partnered sex. As one researcher put it, some solosexuals may get their need for emotional intimacy through relationships with friends and family members, and their need for sexual pleasure met through masturbation. And they’re perfectly okay with that.
Some solosexuals claim to achieve “transcendence through masturbation” through long sessions that are “integral” to their mental health. Some even masturbate online together in solosexual communities.
Whether you identify as solosexual or not, you shouldn’t let others pathologize the sexual activities that make you feel good — as long as things are consensual, you should feel free to keep exploring.
A solo sex session is a great opportunity to experiment with everything from pressure to tempo to different fantasies. This is your chance to get creative.
You can learn how to stimulate sex in new ways by setting the mood, exploring your whole body, mixing up positions, and trying different devices.
Who said mindblowing sexual experiences had to involve other people?
Solo sex is the ultimate form of self-love and self-care, so why not treat it that way? If you’re rolling your eyes because you don’t consider romancing yourself a masculine practice, you’re not alone. Studies show men are less likely to engage in healthy practices (including self-care) than women. They’re also less likely to seek help for mental health issues or confide in friends and partners about their stressors due to outdated gender conceptions of gender roles.
It’s time to shed these limited ideas about masculinity and give self-seduction a try.
Here are some ideas to set the mood and intensify your solo sex session:
Create a relaxing atmosphere with dim lights, candles, and maybe even your favorite playlist.
Put your phone on silent mode to avoid interruptions.
Make sure you have easy access to toys, props, lube, porn, or whatever else you think you might want mid-sesh.
Try reading or listening to an erotic story or ASMR podcast first to turn yourself on.
If your partner is out of town and you want to involve them, consider sexting or trading photos.
Don’t shy away from trying different strokes or exploring your erogenous zones like the male G-spot (aka P-spot) or anus for heightened pleasure.
Here are some areas you won’t want to ignore:
The male G-spot. Also known as the P-spot, the male G-spot refers to a sensitive area near the prostate that can be accessed anally. Like the clitoris, the P-spot has sensitive nerve endings that can help you have a more intense orgasm. During solo sex, you can stimulate the P-spot with a prostate massager. Just be sure to use lube to make things more slippery.
Nipples. Nipple play isn’t just for women. Stimulating your nipples can deliver pleasurable sensations you may not have experienced before. In one study that included 148 men, more than half of the men reported nipple play enhanced their sexual arousal.
The testicles. Your penis probably gets the most attention during masturbation, but don’t neglect your balls. Try cupping your testicles or gently massaging them with one hand when you’re stroking with the other, or wear a hands-free vibrating cock ring.
Along with exploring your whole body, try mixing up speeds and tempos to experience different types of stimulation. If you usually masturbate with your right hand, try switching hands or using both hands at once.
You may try new sex positions with your partner, but your solo sexual life can also benefit.
Some positions you can try alone:
Lie back. Chances are you’re familiar with this one—but instead of just stroking with one hand and swiping through porn with the other, try using one to stimulate your perineum, anus, or P-spot.
Sit up. Sit upright to penetrate a butt plug or dildo and experiment with different depths.
Stand up. Stroke away while showering or leaning up against a wall or door in your room.
Kneel. On your hands and knees, penetrate a fleshlight, doll, or other device to enjoy some hands-free missionary-style sex on your own.
Sex toys are a great way to mix it up when it comes to solo sex. Here are some of the devices you may want to add to your collection.
Classic bullet vibrator. Vibrators aren’t just for women. You can run a vibrator along the shaft of your penis, stimulate your testicles, or insert it into the anus for new sensations.
Non-vibrating toys. Non-vibrating toys you can use for anal pleasure include glass or stainless steel wands, butt plugs, dildos, and even sex pillows.
Penis rings. Penis rings (vibrating and non-vibrating) are worn at the base of the penis and help keep blood in the penis for longer-lasting sex.
Fleshlight. This toy (which you penetrate) features a suction function to simulate oral, vaginal, or anal sex.
Whether you’re using a toy or your hand, be sure to use a lubricant to avoid friction burn on your penis and enhance pleasure. We recommend a water-based lube for a more natural feel and to avoid skin irritation.
If your schedule is clear, take your time during your next solo sex session. Remember, solo sex can be an act of self-care that can do wonders for your mental health. Giving yourself ample time also allows you to explore new positions, stroking styles, and toys, which can help you discover what you find pleasurable. In addition to making future solo sex more enjoyable, this can also help you articulate your likes and dislikes to your sexual partners.
Trying out different locations can add some excitement to the act. If you typically masturbate in the bedroom, you might try moving things to the kitchen or the shower. Some people may even find it thrilling to masturbate outdoors when there are no people around—but keep in mind that this can be risky. If someone sees you masturbating, you can face criminal charges. Always be aware of your surroundings if you choose to masturbate outside.
Edging is the act of masturbating until you almost reach orgasm, stopping before climax and then continuing to masturbate. You can do this several times to build anticipation, which can lead to a longer and more intense orgasm when you finally do allow release.
Note: Edging refers to delaying your ejaculation intentionally. This is not to be confused with delayed ejaculation, a sexual dysfunction in which it is difficult or impossible to reach ejaculation during sex, which can be distressing and require treatment.
We said it before, and we’ll say it again: solo sex is healthy and natural. It’s also the safest sex you can have, with minimal risk of STIs and no risk of pregnancy.
That said, there are some health and safety considerations you should know about. They include practicing good hygiene and being aware of your surroundings.
Washing your hands frequently doesn’t just protect you from respiratory pathogens. Clean hands can also protect your genitals from bacteria when masturbating. You should also clean up after you’ve done the deed.
If you’re using a sex toy you’ve used before or you’ve shared with a partner, make sure the toy is clean as well. Different types of toys may require different types of cleaning. Check out this guide on how to clean sex toys to learn more.
If you live with roommates, you may want to wait until they’re out before indulging in a long and leisurely solo sex session—particularly if you’re planning on getting extra creative, loud, or switching up locations. You may feel more relaxed having the place to yourself.
If outdoor masturbation is something you’re interested in, be extra cautious. Make sure there are no other people around—otherwise you could face legal consequences. If you feel the urge to expose yourself in public, seek support from a mental health professional immediately.
What happens next is up to you. If you’re ready to become your own lover, put some time on the calendar, maybe order a few sex toys, and get to work (or, more accurately, play).
Remember these takeaways:
Solo sex is healthy and normal. It also has health benefits like stress relief and can be helpful for some sexual dysfunctions.
Solo sex doesn’t just mean stroking your genitals until you come. Don’t be afraid to be imaginative when it comes to exploring pleasure.
Take some time to set the mood. Light some candles, put your phone on silent, and truly indulge in this act of self-care.
Mix things up by trying new tactics. New positions, new stroking techniques, new body parts, and new toys can intensify your experience.
Keep it safe and healthy. Practice good hygiene and be aware of your surroundings when engaging in solo sex.
If you’re here because you’re experiencing a sexual issue like erectile dysfunction (ED) or premature ejaculation (PE), find out if you qualify for treatment by scheduling an online consultation.
Want to continue your learning on how to take solo sex to the next level? Read up on male orgasms, find out if multiple orgasms in men are possible, and explore these five benefits of sex for men.
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