From long-distance sex toys to sexting and sending romantic love letters, there are many creative ways to maintain sexual intimacy when you and your partner are miles apart.
From long-distance sex toys to sexting and sending romantic love letters, there are many creative ways to maintain sexual intimacy when you and your partner are miles apart.
In this guide, you’ll learn about a number of those sexy strategies for long-distance couples, including:
Long-distance sex toys and wearables
Sexting
Phone sex
Intimate FaceTime and video chats
Old-fashioned love letters
We’ll also discuss ways to stay emotionally connected with your partner and why maintaining intimacy is important — regardless of where you are geographically located.
Does distance make the heart grow fonder or more frustrated, sexually speaking?
A lack of physical intimacy is one of the most obvious and difficult challenges of a long-distance relationship. But every relationship has its own unique challenges. In fact, some research shows few differences between long-distance couples and geographically close couples.
All to say, long-distance relationships can and do work—and prioritizing non-physical connection and regular communication is key to helping to ensure that’s the case. One 2006 study found that one-third of long-distance couples break up within three months of reuniting due to loss of autonomy, problems with time management, and increased conflict. The researchers also pointed out that long-distance couples tend to idealize each other while apart, and such feelings may dissipate (and disappoint) upon reunion. Individuals who broke up after reuniting were more likely to report that they noticed negative characteristics in their partners they hadn’t seen before meeting back up.
However, these findings shouldn’t stop you from working toward a shared future with a long-distance partner. Instead, they should underscore the importance of getting to know your person while apart through intentional, regular, and open communication.
Both physical and emotional intimacy are vital to any romantic relationship. While cohabiting couples can nurture shared intimacy through physical affection and daily experiences, long-distance couples may need to get a little more creative.
According to a small 2015 study of 19 long-distance couples, one type of intimacy that can sustain the relationship dynamic is “imagined" intimacy. The authors state that couples who are apart can use their imagination to maintain intimacy when physical affection and shared daily experiences are impossible. For instance, regularly checking in to ask about your partner’s day can help you fill in the blanks of their daily life. Exchanging photos and video calls can help you better visualize what it would be like to be together, in the same place, which can then paint a picture of how a shared future might look.
Keep reading to learn creative tips for maintaining intimacy with your long-distance partner, thanks to the help of technology and a little imagination.
There are a variety of long-distance toys for couples that are Bluetooth- and Wi-Fi-enabled, allowing one partner to control the toy (and, by proxy, the other partner’s orgasms) from a distance, either through an app or a remote control.
Here’s a rundown of the best types of long-distance sex toys:
Remote control vibrators. From wand massagers to clitoral vibrators and beyond, there are many app-controlled vibrators on the market that cater to both local and long-distance play. These vibrators can be paired with a smartphone, enabling a physically far-away partner to control vibration settings and intensity levels in real-time, adding surprise and a sense of closeness even when far apart. You can also opt for a remote sex toy, like the discreet OMG Ring Penis Vibrator or Thrill Ride Prostate Massager for hands-free fun. Though these toys need to be in close range to their remote control to work, they can still be enjoyed during steamy video chats or phone sex.
Couples' vibrators with dual stimulation. Some remote sex toys also feature two-way functionality, meaning both partners can feel sensations simultaneously. This creates an interactive and immersive experience that may help you feel more closely connected.
Panty vibrator. A panty vibrator is a wearable vibrator placed inside the underwear to stimulate the clitoris. Most remote-controlled panty vibrators have a magnetic attachment to keep them in place. They are controlled by an app from anywhere.
Interactive male masturbators and cock rings. Male masturbators, or strokers, are worn on the penis and have vibration modes that simulate the experience of being stroked by your partner. Some can even be connected to interactive porn for more immersive solo play. Some male masturbators can also be connected to app-controlled rabbit vibrators for dual penile and clitoral stimulation. Cock rings help you have longer-lasting, harder erections by trapping blood in the shaft of your penis. App-controlled cock rings allow your partner to control the ring during play.
Insertable vibrating dildos and butt plugs. Egg vibrators, G-spot vibrators, dildos, and butt plugs are insertable vibrators that enable the sensation of being penetrated by your partner. Opt for one made of silicone if you want something soft and easy to clean. Don’t forget the lube when using an insertable sex toy.
If you’re a sexting beginner, don’t be intimidated by the idea of sending a flirty (or dirty) message to your partner. Research has found that sexting may increase sexual satisfaction in long-term relationships and strengthen the romance factor in long-distance relationships.
Need some help to get started? Try the following:
Share a sexual fantasy.
Tell your partner what you plan on doing to them the next time you see them.
If you’re into dom/sub play or other kinks, give them some spicy instructions.
Reminisce about one of your sexiest shared experiences.
Ask them what they’re wearing.
Remind them what you find hot about them or what they’re good at doing, sexually.
If you’re into sharing nude photos, take your best shot.
Before you press send on a sext, just be sure to communicate first and get consent. Are they comfortable with the idea? When would be an appropriate time for sexting? Should you use a separate app to keep things extra secure?
Like sexting, phone sex requires you to get creative with your words, but it has the added thrill of whispers and moans.
Before starting a phone sex session, ensure both you and your partner have privacy. Then ease into the conversation to build anticipation, kind of like verbal foreplay.
A successful phone sex session is whatever you and your partner want it to be. For some ideas, you can share sexual fantasies, instruct them on how to use a sex toy, watch porn together while mutually masturbating, narrate to them how you’re touching yourself, and so much more.
Thanks to technology, you and your partner can enjoy sexual activities face-to-face, even if you’re located across the world from one another.
Like with phone sex, you’ll want to make sure that you’re each alone and comfortable to fully enjoy the experience. You may also want to do a test run first by yourself in order to see your most flattering angles that’ll boost your confidence once it’s showtime.
There are so many ways to enjoy virtual sex with your partner, but you can try the following if you need ideas:
Masturbate together while holding eye contact.
Send them a sex toy and then ask them to demonstrate using it.
Watch porn together.
Take a bath or shower together.
Play sex games.
Before you tune in, be sure you’ve both discussed your boundaries with video sex and take care to confirm you’re using a secure platform.
Even in our hyper-connected digital world, it can be challenging to stay connected when you’re miles away from your partner. A loss of Wi-Fi or a power outage could make you feel even more isolated in your relationship when you rely on tech to maintain intimacy.
That’s why you might consider writing a sexually explicit love letter and sending it via snail mail. Take your time to be as detailed as possible, and then let the anticipation build while you wait for them to receive it.
If you’re in a committed long-distance relationship, you’ll also want to ensure you’re emotionally connected. By communicating regularly and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you’re investing in a stronger future.
Phone calls and video chats don’t always have to be solely focused on sex. Make time for ordinary hangouts, like ordering takeout and having dinner together or watching a movie. If you’re in opposite time zones, it can also be fun to pair your morning coffee with their nightcap.
To maintain in-person affection and intimacy, try to plan meetups as often as possible. Doing so provides something to look forward to when loneliness starts to creep in. Sort out your schedules, make lists of things you want to do together, and start counting down the days.
Making time for that phone call or video chat can be difficult when you’re on opposite schedules, but it’s not impossible. Get to know your partner’s schedule and display it somewhere accessible. It can also be helpful to use a world clock widget or app to keep track of your time difference. Then, pick times that work for both of you, and set reminders so you don’t miss a date.
Trust and transparency are essential in every relationship, but not all relationships are alike. Setting some ground rules allows you to be on the same page in a way that works best for both of you. This can include:
How often do you talk/text?
What’s the maximum amount of time between visits?
How will you manage the costs of the visits?
How long will the relationship function long-distance?
Will you remain monogamous while apart?
Research has found that couples with similar relationship goals may be more satisfied and better at solving problems together.
In a long-distance relationship, your days may look wildly different from your partner’s because you’re not in the same place. Even so, it's important to have a shared vision for the future and goals that you can work toward as a couple.
Long-distance relationships can be challenging, and you may sometimes feel lonely and fed up with your situation. Be sure to practice self-care and use your time apart to focus on your interests, friends, and work. You may find yourself getting caught up thinking about the future, but don’t forget to make the most of right now.
Maintaining sexual and emotional intimacy is important in any relationship, including long-distance ones. If you need more support to help your relationship thrive, remember:
Maintaining intimacy in long-distance relationships requires creativity. Make the most of tech and tools—like sex toys, sexting, phone sex, and video chats—to stay connected.
Regular communication is key. Be emotionally vulnerable, and plan regular visits to maintain emotional and physical connection with your partner.
Take care of yourself. Long-distance relationships can be fulfilling and successful but also require work. Make sure to prioritize your own well-being within the framework of your long-distance relationship.
Want even more ideas on how to spice up your long-distance relationship? Get tips on how to be a sexually confident man; try your hand at mindful masturbation; and explore a range of sexual health products, from sex toys and condoms to medication for sexual dysfunction.
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