Like a killer opening act, foreplay is a tantalizing way to build anticipation before the main event. It’s often what turns good sex into great sex and creates intimacy between sexual partners.
Like a killer opening act, foreplay is a tantalizing way to build anticipation before the main event. It’s often what turns good sex into great sex and creates intimacy between sexual partners.
So basically, if you’ve been pressing fast-forward on foreplay, you’ve likely been missing out. Slowing down to savor the building of anticipation can lead to heightened sexual pleasure. And that can be true whether you’re in bed with a long-time partner or a brand-new hookup.
In this guide, we’ll share top gay foreplay ideas, tips to spice things up in the bedroom, and how to stay safe while doing it.
Foreplay describes any sexual activity that occurs before intercourse. It’s a valuable part of sexual relationships for folks of all orientations and identities, including gay people. Foreplay practices can span a wide range of techniques, from massage and oral sex to sexting and beyond.
A main purpose of foreplay is to build sexual excitement and anticipation, priming your brain and body for the intercourse that’s next up on the menu. It can also support bonding and intimacy. “Many associate intimacy with penetrative sex, but the true essence of intimacy lies in the closeness and trust between people,” says Felix Gussone, MD. “Foreplay can definitely create that closeness.”
Foreplay also isn’t limited to the immediate moments leading up to sex. You can engage in foreplay well before you get undressed or intend to get down to business. This unwieldy timeline can make it challenging to specifically define foreplay. For example, giving your guy a handjob just before sex is foreplay. But so is making out at the bar well before you hop into the Uber and head home. If the handjob, kiss, or grope helps set the stage for mindblowing sex later—even if later is much later—then you can still call it foreplay. It’s an expansive concept, and there’s no way to do it wrong, so long as you’re being safe and have consent.
Foreplay offers a ton of benefits that make it a crucial addition to your sex life.
The benefits of foreplay include:
Increased arousal. Foreplay allows you to warm up for sexual intercourse, which can increase arousal. If you struggle with erectile dysfunction (ED) or sexual performance anxiety, foreplay is a good way to ensure you have ample time to ease into arousal as blood flows to the genitals. This may even lead to longer-lasting sex.
More powerful orgasms. Another benefit of foreplay is that it can increase the buildup of sexual tension and anticipation. This can lead to more powerful orgasms later. In one small 2014 study, 38 men and 28 women were tasked to masturbate in order to reach orgasm in a laboratory. Researchers found that, as expected, sexual arousal increased significantly during masturbation as measured by genital temperature. Those who experienced a more significant buildup had more pleasurable orgasms.
Less stress and anxiety. Foreplay often involves affectionate touch like kissing, cuddling, massage, and more. Research has concluded that affectionate touch is associated with increased levels of oxytocin (commonly known as the “love hormone”) and lowered stress and anxiety.
More emotional intimacy. Since touch during foreplay is connected to heightened oxytocin levels, this can also impact your emotional connection to your partner. Research finds that oxytocin connects to bonding-related behavior, trust, and empathy.
Foreplay can mean different things to different people. Whether you’re into BDSM or you like cuddling before sex, there’s a chance your idea of good foreplay may differ from the guy you’re hooking up with. They might even prefer non-physical foreplay, which is okay, too.
Since there’s so much variability in the foreplay landscape, it’s crucial to talk about your desires and boundaries beforehand. Communicating about foreplay allows you to get on the same page, understand your partner’s turn-ons, and share your own.
Want some foreplay ideas? Here are a few of our favorites.
Spanking is one of the most well-known kinks out there and a fun way to dip your toes into some BDSM play. Studies have found that consensual, sexualized pain can stimulate the release of endorphins, which are “feel-good” hormones that act on opioid receptors in the brain. They are known to reduce pain, induce a feeling of well-being, and even promote interpersonal bonding.
If you’ve never engaged in spanking before, be sure to get consent before you give it a whirl. With any form of BDSM play, it’s essential to establish boundaries and have safe words you or your partner can use to stop the experience at any time.
Whether you choose to whisper in his ear or paint the scene in a sexy text, dirty talk can be a hot and endlessly creative way to build anticipation. Tell him everything you want to do to him or instruct him on what he could do to you.
Dirty talk isn’t just a way to get him going—it’s also a productive way to share your turn-ons and establish consent.
The erogenous zones are hotspots throughout the body that produce pleasure when touched. They include some of the usual suspects, like the penis, scrotum, and perineum. But there are other zones you may be neglecting.
They include:
Nipples
Inner thigh
Earlobes
Armpits
Lower stomach
Sacrum
Entertain these areas any way that you please. You can kiss these spots, massage them, or apply different types of stimulation (hot, cold, vibration, a feather, etc.). If the massage eventually leads to a handjob, even better, but try to hold off on touching his most sensitive spots until you can’t take the wait any longer.
Oral sex—including blow jobs, rimming, and more—is probably among the most obvious foreplay ideas. But you may want to mix things up with new oral sex positions and techniques.
It may be tempting to finish him off while you’re down there but don’t give in just yet. Keep building anticipation by trying the following oral sex foreplay ideas:
Encourage him to masturbate and then attempt to re-create his stroke style with your mouth
Pay extra attention to the frenulum, the small fold of skin on the underside of the penis head
Experiment with different pressures and speeds
While you’re servicing his penis, use a vibrator to stimulate his perineum and scrotum
Perform oral sex in unusual places, like the kitchen, shower, or somebody’s car
Sex toys add a bit of variety to the experience and can further prep your body for penetration.
For instance, using small dildos, butt plugs, and prostate massagers can help you ease into anal sex, if that’s your end goal. Just be sure to use lube for easy insertion. Rushing too quickly into anal sex before you’re prepped, relaxed, or lubed up can lead to discomfort, pain, tearing, and a higher risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Turn your partner on by taking everything off… slowly.
You don’t have to be a pro dancer to master the art of the striptease. Just pick an outfit that makes you confident, put on a sexy playlist, and remove each item of clothing piece by piece while looking him straight in the eye. He may be eager to help you get your clothes off faster but remember you’re in control. The longer you hold off, the more sexual tension will build.
No, you don’t need acting lessons to engage in some roleplaying. Use your imagination to concoct various scenarios that turn you on, and lose yourself in character.
Need ideas to get started? Try one of the following:
Boss and employee
Plumber and client
Strangers
Frat brothers
Coach and player
Teacher and student
Firefighter and rescue victim
We could go on and on, but that should be enough to get your creative juices pumping.
Foreplay doesn’t have to be confined to the bedroom. Starting in a public place can be even hotter because you’ll have to wait until you’re alone to act on your desires.
Sexting, roleplay, dirty talk, and even shopping for sex toys together are all ways to start building anticipation.
It’s tempting to jump straight into sex once you’re both throbbing, but try to restrain yourselves. Prolonging anticipation has a mighty payoff.
As previously noted, it’s a great strategy to start foreplay before you get to the bedroom—maybe even early in the day—so you both have something to look forward to. Once you’re finally getting physical and inching toward intercourse, let the anticipation build more and then slow things down or stop altogether. Maybe even make him beg for it.
All forms of sex carry risks, but unprotected anal sex is the riskiest because it can cause tearing in the rectal walls, which raises the chances of transmitting STIs.
To lower your risk of contracting or transmitting STIs, always practice safe sex. Insist on wearing condoms, regularly test for STIs, and ask your partner about their testing history.
If you plan on having penetrative sex, you should also consider taking preventative medications like PrEP, which is a prescription medication taken daily to reduce the risk of HIV. There’s also an injectible version of PrEP available, which is given every two months. Like the pill, it prevents HIV from entering and multiplying within cells.
Foreplay isn’t just a fun way to warm up for sex and build anticipation. It’s also an excellent way for you and your partner to connect and communicate your desires. The next time you’re hooking up, think about how you can go slower and savor each other more. Remember:
Foreplay can enhance pleasure and intimacy. Engaging in foreplay can boost arousal, lead to more powerful orgasms, and support deeper intimacy between partners.
There are many gay foreplay techniques. From dirty talk and roleplay to striptease and beyond, there are many ways to spice things up. Take the time to experiment with new methods to keep things exciting.
Practicing safe sex is essential to preserve health and well-being. Safe sex is sexy. Use protection, discuss STI testing with partners, and consider preventative measures like taking PrEP to help reduce risks.
Interested in more ways to elevate your sex life? Check out our sexual health products that range from sex toys and lube to ED medication and more.
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