Dating in Your 30s

Written byErica Garza
Published 01/26/2025

They say 30 is the new 20, but there’s more to the story when it comes to dating.

Overview

Dating in Your 30s

They say 30 is the new 20, but there’s more to the story when it comes to dating.

In your 20s, you may have been more willing to look past red flags, thinking you had all the time in the world to find “the one.” But dating in your 30s can feel more urgent. You might be less interested in casual encounters and more interested in making deep connections. Don’t be surprised if you suddenly find it more important than ever to find someone whose lifestyle, values, and future plans are compatible with yours.

If you’re navigating the dating scene in your 30s, this guide will provide tips and strategies, including being open to a wider age range, being more intentional, and deciding how you feel about kids.

How Common Is Dating in Your 30s?

According to a 2019 Pew Research Center analysis, around 38 percent of adults between the ages of 25 and 54 were neither married nor living with a partner—a sharp increase from 29 percent in 1990. According to the analysis, the entirety of that increase is because of the rise in the number of people who were never married, as opposed to those who were newly single after a divorce.

Men are also more likely than women to be single, which was not the case 30 years ago.

The Basics

Dating in Your 30s as a Man

By the time you’re in your 30s, chances are you’re more established in your career than you were a decade ago.

While perceptions of traditional gender roles have shifted significantly over the century, the expectation of men to play the role of “provider” persists in modern dating.

Going back to the Pew Research Center analysis mentioned above, 71 percent of adults (both men and women) felt that an ability to financially support a family was an essential quality in a potential male partner or spouse.

But whether or not you consider yourself financially stable, there are some undeniable benefits to dating in your 30s—from self-awareness to increased confidence. Keep reading to learn more about them.

The Benefits of Dating in Your 30s

There are plenty of benefits to dating in your 30s. Here are just a few of the highlights:

  • Confidence. In a poll of 7,000 men and women published in Harvard Business Review, researchers discovered that most men had a continual rise in self-confidence until their early 40s. In your 30s, your confidence levels are likely higher than ever before.

  • Self-awareness. Research shows that adolescence continues until your mid-20s. You’re still trying to figure out who you are and what you want from life. By 30, you may have more clarity and self-awareness, making it easier to figure out what you want in a partner.

  • Higher income. In your 20s, you’re just starting out in your career, a fact your income likely reflects. By your 30s, you have more experience, a wider skill set, and a higher level of disposable income.

  • More self-control. In your 30s, you have the benefit of experience—including sexual experience. You’ve probably had some practice with sex, which has helped you develop into a better lover than you were as a less-experienced 20-something. If you dealt with issues like premature ejaculation, which is most commonly reported between the ages of 18 and 30 (and again between ages 45 to 65), you may have learned skills to have more ejaculatory control during sex.

ED Treatment

Read up before getting down

Things to Consider

Things to Consider About Dating in Your 30s

There are many advantages to dating in your 30s, but this decade also brings big changes.

Here are some things to consider as you get out there:

  • Your dating priorities may change

  • You have less free time

  • You need to decide how you feel about kids

Your Dating Priorities May Change

Many guys in their 30s are looking for stability, emotional maturity, and shared life goals, which might include settling down, starting a family, or focusing on career.

You May Have Less Free Time

Life gets busy as you get older and your responsibilities increase. You may run into scheduling conflicts with your potential partners, requiring you to be more flexible with your time and more protective of it. This is where being more selective helps. Time is precious, and you don’t want to waste it going out with people with whom you’re fundamentally incompatible.

How Do You Feel About Kids?

There’s a common misconception that men can have kids as late as they want—didn’t Mick Jagger have a kid in his 70s?—but that’s not true for all men. Studies show men’s fertility starts to decline around age 40, coinciding with a drop in testosterone. (As societal messaging never fails to remind us, fertility declines even earlier in women.)

So, don't be alarmed if you’re suddenly thinking about having kids. You don’t have to decide now, but asking yourself these questions is a good idea. And if you’re heterosexual and dating women around your own age, chances are they’re considering how they feel about kids, too.

It’s also possible that you have kids already, or that some of your dates will, adding more complexity—both logistical and emotional—to your dating experiences.

Steps to Take

Dating Over 30: Steps to Take

There’s no one roadmap to dating in your 30s, but there are some steps you can take to make the ride more enjoyable.

We recommend:

  • Dating intentionally

  • Knowing your red flags

  • Using more than one dating app

  • Being open to a wider age range

  • Letting go of perfection

Date Intentionally

Dating in your 30s is often a more intentional and focused experience than dating in your 20s, as both men and women tend to better understand what they want in a partner and a relationship.

Here are some tips for dating more intentionally:

  • Be clear about what you want in a significant other

  • Trust your instincts

  • Be patient about finding the right match

  • Respect others’ boundaries and be clear about your own

Know Your Red Flags

Time is not running out. You can and should be as choosy as you need to be when you hit 30.

Red flags are specific to each person and may include things you never considered as a young man. As you reach your 30s, you’ll realize you have less tolerance for certain things. Maybe that’s:

  • Someone who doesn’t take their health seriously

  • Somebody who’s still hung up on their ex

  • Someone who doesn’t have a good handle on their finances

Use More Than One Dating App

There are dating apps out to fit any type of dating experience. Plan hookups on Tinder or Feeld, or seek out a serious relationship on eHarmony or Match. Of course, any app can lead to any type of relationship—but some are more geared toward the long-term than others.

Online dating is a great way to meet people because it’s convenient and saves time (you can swipe anywhere). You can also list detailed preferences on your dating profile to help narrow your search.

Be Open to a Wider Age Range

In Western societies, men are more likely to prefer younger women (by three years on average), and women are more likely to prefer older men. As men age, their tendency to prefer a younger partner increases, leading to some sizeable age gaps. The age gap is even bigger for same-sex couples.

If you have fixed ideas about the ideal age range of your partner, see if you can be more pliable. Being open to a broader age range expands the dating pool and gives you a better chance to meet someone with the same interests.

Let Go of Perfection

We said to be choosy, but don’t become too obsessed with ticking all your boxes. When you let go of perfection, you may start to see that quirks and flaws can make someone even attractive. And when you’re easier on others, you’re more likely to be easier on yourself.

ED Treatment

Your best sex ever

Tips and Strategies

Work Through Your Issues

By your 30s, you may have baggage from past relationships, making you more cautious or cynical. Don’t let failed relationships make you cynical about new ones. If you feel old patterns sneaking up on you, commit to working through your issues in therapy before embarking on a new relationship.

Make Changes That Build Your Confidence

Maybe your metabolism has slowed a bit. Maybe your hairline is starting to recede. If you have insecurities, address them to feel like the best version of yourself.

Here are some ways you can help build your confidence:

  • Hit the gym or pursue a new sport

  • Clean up your diet, and consider cutting back on drinking

  • Prioritize your sleep

  • If you’re insecure about thinning hair, try hair loss medications

  • Take therapy seriously

  • Spend more time outdoors

  • Invest in meaningful friendships

Address Sex Issues

Remember when we said testosterone starts to drop in your 30s? Well, for some men, low testosterone and other health issues may contribute to sexual dysfunctions like erectile dysfunction (ED) or low sex drive.

If you’re experiencing sexual dysfunction, there are solutions that can help.

ED treatments include:

Schedule an online consultation to learn more about treating ED and determine if you qualify for prescription medication.

Be Vulnerable

Many men are conditioned to be reticent about showing their emotions, but being vulnerable builds intimacy and connection in relationships, which may align more with your new dating priorities. You have a better chance of finding a compatible partner if you take the time to understand the full spectrum of your emotions.

Health and Safety

Take Safe Sex Seriously

Always use condoms with new partners, no matter what age you are. Studies show that young adults aged mid-20s to mid-30s are an often‐overlooked risk group for STIs.

In addition to using condoms and other forms of protection, you should get tested for STIs regularly and ask your partners about their own testing habits.

Always Get Clear Consent

Consent is an ongoing process. In addition to getting clear and enthusiastic consent before having sex, you should be attuned to your partner’s verbal and nonverbal cues throughout your sexual encounter to make sure you both feel comfortable.

The one-stop sex shop

What to Do Next

Dating After 30: Next Steps

Dating after 30 doesn’t have to be an uphill battle. If you are having difficulty connecting with others or struggling with self-esteem issues, consider seeing a relationship expert or mental health professional to get the support you need. If you’re experiencing a sexual dysfunction like ED, schedule a consultation with a healthcare provider to find out the root cause.

You have a lot to offer potential partners as a 30-year-old man. Just remember:

  • Being single in your 30s is more common than ever. People are delaying marriage and settling down later in life. You will find that the dating pool is teeming with men and women of all ages.

  • There are many benefits to dating at 30. You are probably more confident, self-aware, and financially stable than you were in your 20s. If you dealt with premature ejaculation issues in your 20s, you may have learned how to have more ejaculatory control.

  • There are probably some shifts in priorities you should acknowledge. You're not alone if you find yourself grappling with thoughts about building a family or securing a long-term relationship. You don’t have to make big decisions now, but it’s a good idea to start thinking about what you want in the long run.

  • Now is the time to build your confidence. Find a therapist you trust, address sexual dysfunction issues, and start taking care of your health and mental well-being if you don’t already.

If you want more support on dating successfully in your 30s, check out these nine techniques on how to please a woman, explore five benefits of sex for men, and learn 11 ways to start having better sex.

Looking for more ways to improve your sex life? Explore our sexual health products.

8 Sources

  1. Crowdis MA, et al. (2023). Premature Ejaculation. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK546701
  2. Fry RI, et al. (2021). Rising Share of U.S. Adults Are Living Without a Spouse or Partner. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/
  3. Harris IS, et al. (2011). Fertility and the Aging Male. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3253726/
  4. Lehmiller JO, et al. (2011). May-December Paradoxes: An Exploration of AgeGap Relationships in Western Society. https://docs.lib.purdue.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1024&context=psychpubs
  5. Lindley LI, et al. (2013). Invisible and at Risk: STDs Among Young Adult Sexual Minority Women in the United States. https://www.guttmacher.org/journals/psrh/2013/05/invisible-and-risk-stds-among-young-adult-sexual-minority-women-united-states
  6. National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. (2019). The Promise of Adolescence: Realizing Opportunity for All Youth. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK545476
  7. Payne KR, et al. (2021). Recent (2019) Marriages to Same-Sex and Different-Sex Couples: Marital History and Age at Marriage. https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/payne-manning-marriages-same-sex-different-sex-marital-history.html
  8. Zenger JA, et al. (2016). How Age and Gender Affect Self-Improvement. https://hbr.org/2016/01/how-age-and-gender-affect-self-improvement
Editorial Standards

Hims & Hers has strict sourcing guidelines to ensure our content is accurate and current. We rely on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. We strive to use primary sources and refrain from using tertiary references. See a mistake? Let us know at [email protected]!