Sex With a Pregnant Partner: Does It Feel Different for Men?

Pregnancy is often regarded as a challenging time for couples, characterized by changes in relationship dynamics and a decline in sexual activity.

And though sex is safe for most women during healthy pregnancies, that doesn’t necessarily mean couples have an unchanged sex life. Many have difficulty maintaining a healthy sex life due to several factors, like hormonal changes, emotional changes, fear of hurting the unborn child, and more. To address one common question, we asked a few dads: Does sex feel different when pregnant for a man? 

And if it felt different, was it better? Worse? Were their pregnant partners more horny while pregnant, or did they have zero interest in sex?

Keep reading to find out how sex may change during pregnancy based on responses from dads who’ve been there. Also, learn how you can maintain a healthy sex life during and after the transition to parenthood.

From one trimester to the next, a pregnant woman undergoes many physical and emotional changes that may influence how she (and her partner) have sex.

One 2023 study that surveyed more than 100 women in Spain breaks down the changes as follows:

• First trimester. In the first trimester, hormonal changes can cause a state of emotional instability. Many women may also find it difficult to maintain their sex drive during this phase of pregnancy due to morning sickness, fatigue, and other discomforts. For others, the opposite may occur. Regardless, orgasm frequency and intensity seem to remain unchanged in this trimester.

• Second trimester. During the second trimester, many women report that their sexual desire increases as their physical discomfort from the first trimester decreases or disappears. At this point, many couples have also adapted to the changes pregnancy can bring.

• Third trimester. In the third trimester, many women experience a decrease or absence of sexual desire, and the frequency of sexual intercourse may decline. Often, these changes occur out of fear of triggering labor or harming the unborn child. Orgasm frequency and intensity also seem to decrease, although the need for cuddling, massage, and other forms of physical affection may increase.

In speaking with a number of dads about how sex with their pregnant partner changed in the days leading up to their child’s due date, we noticed some common themes. While physiologically, the actual penetrative component of sex shouldn’t feel different with a pregnant partner, there are common differences to note—largely in the emotional and logistical camps.

Many men reported being afraid to have penetrative sex with a pregnant partner out of fear of hurting the baby. Some had trouble navigating the physical challenges of pregnancy, and others were confronted with the emotional changes in their pregnant partner. 

Here are some of those common concerns, along with the facts about their validity.

You May Be Scared to Hurt the Fetus

“Our sex life during pregnancy was basically non-existent, but that was especially the case in the last trimester. It was me who didn’t want to have sex—my wife was all for it. I had it in my mind that I could somehow hurt the baby.” —Omar, 28

“I became increasingly anxious, thinking I might hurt mom or the baby. I know it is not the case, but anxiety was real.” —Tim, 41

The Facts: During pregnancy, the fetus is protected by the amniotic sac and the strong muscles of the uterus.

Most women can safely have pregnancy sex unless they have a health issue like amniotic fluid leakage or placenta praevia, a condition when the placenta partially or wholly covers the cervix. Having penetrative sex with this condition can lead to vaginal bleeding and other complications.

If you’re worried about having sex for this reason, it’s best to reach out to a healthcare provider or discuss pregnancy sex at your partner’s next prenatal visit.

You’ll Have to Adapt to Her Physical and Emotional Changes

“[Sex during pregnancy"] was less frequent, and understandingly so. Partner insecurities, sex not being the priority, and being tired were all factors.” —Brandon, 42

“During pregnancy, things shifted depending on how my partner felt. Sometimes, they were into it, sometimes not so much, thanks to nausea, fatigue, or just feeling uncomfortable. Getting creative with positions as the belly grows was also different.” —Daniel, 38

The Facts: Though sexual activity is common in pregnancy, studies show that the frequency may decrease as the baby gets closer to its due date. Decreased sexual activity can be related to nausea, discomfort, fear of miscarriage, lack of interest, physical awkwardness, fear of infection, or fatigue.

A pregnant woman’s libido and sexual satisfaction may also be negatively impacted by her self-perception of decreased attractiveness. Typically, as pregnancy progresses, there is an increase in painful intercourse.

Being Pregnant May Make You Both Horny

“Mutual desire increased. In many ways, she felt sexier.” —Matt, 41

“Once we found out [my wife] was pregnant, we actually started having more sex. I do not know if it was a result of watching her body change, the pheromones, or just the idea of finally getting to be a daddy, but both of our libidos skyrocketed right up until the baby was delivered… in our living room.” —Matthew, 35

The Facts: Research published in Midwifery and Sexuality concludes that a woman’s sex drive may increase in the first two trimesters of pregnancy due to a few specific physiological changes. For instance, in the first trimester of pregnancy, the absence of a woman’s period can positively impact her sexual health. However, nausea, fatigue, and other discomforts can occasionally have a negative impact.

In the second trimester of pregnancy, the volume of the breasts increases, which may make some pregnant women feel more feminine. The increased blood flow to the genitals may also strengthen the sensitivity of the vulva and surrounding areas, which can intensify orgasms and increase sexual desire. Nausea also usually disappears during this time, and most women begin to enjoy the pregnancy, which can also impact their desire to have sex.

Every Pregnancy Is Different

For men with multiple children, the challenges of having sex during pregnancy may change from one pregnancy to the next.

That was the case for Luke, 40, whose children are now 5, 3, and 6 months old.

About his partner’s first pregnancy, Luke says, “We were both scared we’d do something to shake him up—as if he were in a washing machine—so we didn’t do anything.”

When his partner was pregnant with his second child, there was “less fear,” but other problems due to body changes, such as “way more back pain and more daylong nausea.”

Then came the third pregnancy, when his partner had “weeks of being tired and sore, then sporadic moments of being sexually insatiable.”

Once the kids were out in the world, there were other changes with which to reckon. Luke says, “After the arrival of every child, we probably didn’t have sex for at least four months while she was locked into breastfeeding mode.”

Unless your provider has advised you not to have sex during your partner’s pregnancy due to a health condition, there are plenty of things you can try to make sex during pregnancy the best that it can be.

Try the following:

• New sex positions. Most sex positions are safe during pregnancy if they’re comfortable. If a position bothers you or your partner, keep exploring. You may find that some sex positions, like the missionary position, become more challenging as the belly expands. However, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, spooning, doggy style, and many others can be more accommodating.

• Sex toys. Sex toys like vibrators and dildos can make sex more enjoyable for your pregnant partner and for you. These tools can solve for not being able to reach a mutually satisfying position or if your partner can’t or doesn’t want to have penetrative sex. Don’t be afraid to try a male sex toy during solo masturbation sessions either, like a vibrating cock ring or prostate massager. Ensure that the toys are thoroughly cleaned after each use to avoid any kind of infection. 

• Other types of sex. Try to be open to other sexual practices like anal sex or oral sex if P-in-V sex is off the table. You may also want to explore non-penetrative sex ideas and shift your focus to intimacy over intercourse in order to maintain your connection.

• Props. Besides toys, your partner may find sex more comfortable with pillows, cushions, and other props that support her changing body.

• Lube. Your partner’s cervix is tightly closed during pregnancy, which means lubrication is typically safe to use and can make sex more comfortable and friction-free.

• Communicate. If you’re worried about having sex or noticing changes in your sex drive, talk to your partner and/or a healthcare provider about what’s going on. The transition to parenthood is challenging, but with the right support, you’ll make it to parenthood in one piece.

And if you’re worried about what comes after, that’s perfectly normal, too. The estimated time that’s recommended to resume sex after childbirth varies between six and eight weeks postpartum. But some new moms (and new dads!) may need more time to adjust.

When you do start having sex again, you may notice some changes, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. As Matthew, 35, told us, “When you do start having sex again, understand it will be very emotional and will very well feel like the first time, both physically and mentally. Tears are likely as the wave of emotions that follow the orgasms don't know the difference between happy and sad.” He says this is a good opportunity to hold each other close and ride the wave together.

Learn more about what to expect when it comes to sex after kids.

Sex during pregnancy can feel like a roller coaster of physical and emotional changes. But there are many ways to make it an enjoyable ride. Here’s what we know:

• Sexual desire may change from trimester to trimester. In the first trimester, hormonal shifts may cause emotional instability and a drop in sex drive. The second trimester often brings an increase in libido as physical discomfort decreases. However, by the third trimester, many women experience a decrease in desire due to physical discomfort or fear of causing harm to the baby. Also, all pregnancies are different and affect carrying parents differently, so there is no one-size-fits-all experience for what to expect. Stay open-minded, patient, and prioritize communication

• Many men worry about engaging in sex with a pregnant partner. Many men are afraid to have sex out of fear of harming their unborn child. Emotional and physical changes in their partners also require men to adapt their approach to sex.

• Maintain intimacy through communication and creativity. To maintain a healthy sex life during pregnancy, talk openly with your partner, try different positions, use sex toys, and explore non-penetrative sex. Shift your focus from intercourse to intimacy to maintain your connection during the transition to parenthood.

Want more ideas on how to maintain sexual intimacy with your partner? Learn how to initiate sex, try a few new foreplay ideas, and find out what to do if your partner has no desire for sex.