Is Loss of Erection During the Excitement Phase a Sign of Cheating?

If you’re here because your partner is having difficulty getting or maintaining his erection, let’s get one thing straight. There’s no definitive proof that a loss of erection during the excitement phase of sex is a sign of cheating.

Losing one’s erection can be distressing, but it’s a common experience that can happen for many reasons: stress, depression, alcohol use, cardiovascular issues, hormonal imbalances — to name just a few.

While it’s true that a man’s guilt over cheating could affect his sexual function, that’s not always (or even almost always) the case.

Keep reading to learn more about what causes erectile dysfunction (ED), whether there’s any research on ED and affairs, and what you should do if your partner is having difficulty with his erections.

The excitement phase is the first stage of the sexual response cycle, as outlined by Masters and Johnson in 1966. It’s the phase when your heart starts beating faster, your breathing quickens, your muscles tense, and blood flow to the genitals increases. Or at least, that’s the way it’s supposed to work.

If everything works as it should, this blood flow to the genitals should cause the penis to harden, prepping the body for sexual intercourse. The next three stages — plateau, orgasm, and resolution — complete the cycle, but the catalyst is the excitement phase.

What if everything doesn’t work as it should? Does a loss of erectile function mean your partner’s not excited about you because he’s been unfaithful? The short answer is no, it doesn’t mean that. We’ll get into the long answer below.

A loss of erection isn’t necessarily a sign of cheating. That said, cheating may contribute to psychological factors like stress and anxiety, which can cause psychogenic ED, low sex drive, and other sexual health issues.

Guilt, Stress, and ED

Studies show that infidelity can lead to emotional dysregulation (not managing feelings well) in both the cheater and the betrayed partner. This can trigger insecurity, shame, and guilt.

According to a 2022 review, difficulties in emotional regulation can lead to sexual issues like erectile dysfunction and decreased sexual arousal.

Guilt-Related Lifestyle Changes and ED

Guilt and stress over cheating can also prompt unhealthy behaviors that can contribute to ED.

In one 2022 case study, a cheating, guilt-ridden 55-year-old married man with ED told his doctor that since the start of his affair, he’d been sleeping less and drinking more. Alcohol and lack of sleep are two known risk factors for ED.

Loss of Emotional Intimacy and ED

Another reason an unfaithful partner may have difficulty getting an erection is the loss of emotional connection with his partner, which may have been brewing long before the transgression occurred.

Research suggests relationship issues can cause ED just as ED can cause relationship issues, especially in young men.

Performance Anxiety and ED

Another scenario where ED could coincide with cheating is if the man already has a history of sexual dysfunction.

According to one study at the University of Guelph, cheating may be a way for people with sexual performance anxiety to overcome arousal issues or impress someone outside of their primary relationship since the new partner wouldn’t be aware of any prior sexual health issues.

In this case, cheating offers an opportunity to satisfy a new sexual partner after experiencing so much failure.

Again, while it’s possible for ED to be a sign of cheating, it shouldn’t be your first guess unless there are other signs.

While a man can develop ED over the guilt and shame he feels after cheating, there are other potential links between erectile dysfunction and affairs to consider.

Can a Man Get ED If He Was Cheated On?

If a man’s partner cheats on him, low self-esteem or resentment over the affair can lead to increased stress and raise the risk of erection issues, especially if the affair is sexual.

Men actually report higher levels of stress related to the sexual infidelity of their partner (when their partner sleeps with someone else), whereas women tend to react more negatively to emotional infidelity than men (sometimes called an emotional affair).

Fear Over Being Cheated On

Some men with ED may also worry their erection issues will cause their partner to cheat. The stress over that fear can make their sex life worse, creating a vicious circle between stress and ED.

In fact, some studies show that in men with ED, the fear over their partner cheating was linked to sexual coercion tactics with their partner to lower “sperm competition risk.”

A loss of erection during the excitement phase of sex could be a sign of cheating. But if there are no other signs of cheating, coming to this conclusion would be a leap.

Let’s review some of the proven causes of erectile dysfunction below.

Physical Causes of ED

Did you know ED is among the first signs of cardiovascular disease? It’s just one of the many health concerns linked to sexual dysfunction.

Common medical conditions or lifestyle choices that may contribute to ED include:

• Atherosclerosis (buildup of plaque in your blood vessels)

• Heart disease

• Hypertension (high blood pressure)

• Kidney disease

• Diabetes

• Nervous system disorders like multiple sclerosis

• Hormonal imbalances (like low testosterone levels)

• Penile injuries or penile curvature like Peyronie’s disease

• Smoking

• Excessive alcohol use

• Obesity

• Steroid use

• Medication side effects (like some antidepressants)

• Recreational drug use

So if your partner is dealing with any of these issues, it could be a possible explanation for ED.

Psychological Causes of ED

You already know stress and anxiety can make a man lose his erection during sex. But stress isn’t always linked to infidelity.

Other psychological factors that contribute to ED include:

• Mental health issues like anxiety or depression

• Work stress

• Excessive masturbation to pornography (which might create unrealistic ideas about sex)

• Sexual shame

• Body image issues

• Performance anxiety

Performance anxiety in the bedroom can also lead to premature ejaculation and low libido (reduced sex drive).

If you’re worried your partner’s ED is a sign of cheating, it may be time to get some outside support.

Psychotherapy, specifically sex therapy, is one option. If you’re having difficulty talking candidly about your sexual and emotional needs at home, working with a healthcare professional can provide guidance on how to have these tough conversations with care and empathy.

Therapy can also help you get to the root of why you suspect your partner’s cheating or offer support if infidelity is the cause of ED.

If your partner is dealing with psychogenic ED, it can also be useful for him to talk to a therapist alone to support his mental health and well-being. Studies show cognitive behavioral sex therapy is an effective treatment for men with psychogenic ED.

A therapist may suggest he see a urologist or another men’s health provider who can provide medical advice on what to do about ED if it’s become a consistent problem.

A medical provider specializing in men’s health or sexual health may prescribe ED medications like:

• Cialis® (tadalafil)

• Viagra® (sildenafil)

• Stendra® (avanafil)

• Chewable ED medication

Men can also improve their ED by making simple lifestyle changes like following a nutritious diet, losing weight, getting more sleep, exercising regularly, and lowering stress.

Other potential treatments for ED include vacuum erection devices (penis pumps), penile implants, and testosterone replacement therapy, depending on the cause of the ED.

Other Ways to Support Your Partner

If you suspect your partner’s erectile difficulties are the result of a stagnant sex life or dry spell, but you’re not ready or open to seeing a mental health professional, there are other ways to offer support.

Here are some ways you can start spicing up your sex life:

• Open communication

• Extending foreplay

• Mutual masturbation

• Exploring new sex positions

• Talking about your sexual fantasies

• Trying out a sex toy (especially ones that support better erections like penis rings or male vibrators)

• Considering non-penetrative sex ideas

When in doubt, the best thing is to have a talk about what might be going on — just try not to be accusatory when broaching the subject.

Loss of erection during the excitement phase can be caused by a number of factors — and cheating is only a potential one. Here’s what we know:

• Erectile dysfunction can be a sign of cheating, but not always. There’s no definitive proof that ED is directly linked to cheating. However, guilt and stress related to infidelity can contribute to ED.

• Erectile dysfunction and affairs are also linked in other ways. Men whose partners cheat may experience ED due to stress and lowered self-esteem. Guys with ED may also fear their partners will cheat on them for failing to perform. This can perpetuate the cycle.

• ED has other proven causes. ED can stem from physical issues like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, or hormonal imbalances, as well as psychological factors like anxiety, depression, and general life stress.

• Treatment is available. Addressing ED may require a combination of approaches, including psychotherapy (like sex therapy) and prescription medication. Seeing a healthcare provider or therapist can help address the underlying causes of ED and provide tailored treatment. Seeing a therapist together can also help you figure out why infidelity was suspected in the first place.

• You can support your partner. If ED is linked to a lack of emotional intimacy or sexual boredom, partners can explore ways to enhance their sex life, like trying new foreplay ideas, exploring new positions, or discussing fantasies to improve intimacy and trust.

Yes, ED can be a sign of cheating, but it can also be a sign of other health conditions or psychological issues that should be addressed.

Find out what else you can do to support a partner with erectile dysfunction and how to cope if your partner is avoiding sex due to ED.

This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment. Learn more about our editorial standards here.