How Important is Sex in a Relationship?

Sex doesn’t just feel good — it’s also a sign of a healthy relationship.

Couples who have regular sex report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and life satisfaction.

They may also be healthier, as sexual activity is associated with higher rates of happiness, less stress, and many other physical and psychological benefits we’ll share below.

It’s also possible to have a healthy relationship without having sex at all if you and your partner are getting your needs met in other ways.

Keep reading to learn how important sex really is for a relationship, the positive impact of sexual intimacy on your physical and mental health, and, lastly, if there’s a quota you should be meeting when it comes to sexual frequency.

Numerous studies show that sexual satisfaction is linked to relationship satisfaction, but there are conflicting ideas on which comes first. Does good sex lead to a good relationship, or vice versa?

In this four-year 2023 study of 2,104 heterosexual couples, researchers found that relationship quality is often determined by how well a person’s relationship needs are met. Since a satisfying sexual relationship can fulfill some of the most fundamental relationship needs, such as closeness and emotional intimacy, the findings suggest that sexual satisfaction contributes to a happier relationship over time.

But more sex doesn’t always mean more sexual satisfaction. The study also showed that changes in sexual satisfaction often predicted changes in sexual frequency. If a partner isn’t sexually satisfied, they won’t want to have as much sex. So the researchers suggest that couples focus on having more fulfilling sexual encounters if they want to have more sex.

How Sex Strengthens Intimate Relationships

How does sex contribute to this feeling of closeness and intimacy? It may have to do with the chemical oxytocin.

Also known as the “love hormone,” oxytocin is associated with positive feelings like empathy and trust. One of its major functions is to facilitate childbirth in women, but studies show it's also released during bonding activities like hugging and sex.

One 2021 review found that oxytocin is crucial for the neuroendocrine processes involved in “romantic love,” especially during its initial stages. It helps to strengthen the bond between partners and fosters positive emotions toward each other. Oxytocin also helps to lower stress and promote relaxation, which is good for your relationship and for your overall well-being.

How Important Is Sex to a Man in a Relationship?

There aren’t gender differences when it comes to the importance of sex in a relationship, but there may be a difference in what aspect of sex different genders consider most important.

Studies show that sexual satisfaction is linked to quality of life in both men and women, but men tend to value the intrapersonal aspects of sex — such as physical pleasure — more. Women, on the other hand, tend to focus more on the interpersonal aspects of sex, like emotional connection.

How Important Is Sex to a Woman in a Relationship?

Other studies confirm the importance of emotional connection for women, especially during later stages of the relationship.

In a 2023 study of 237 partnered young adults, women considered sexual satisfaction to be the most important predictor of relationship satisfaction in the early stages of a relationship. Later, when living with their partners, women considered closeness to be the most important predictor of relationship satisfaction — though sex was still important.

If you’re dating a woman with a particularly high sex drive, we’ve got tips that can benefit you and your partner.

You already know that sexual relationships can contribute to life satisfaction, but did you know that sex can also contribute to better physical and mental health?

Research suggests that sexual activity may facilitate lower blood pressure and heart rate while reducing stress. Meanwhile, lower sexual activity has been linked to increased mortality and poor health. Dive into the details below.

Physical Health Benefits

How important is sex in a relationship when it comes to your physical well-being?

The physical benefits of sex include:

• Better heart health. In a 2020 study of over 15,000 US adults, subjects who had sex more than 52 times a year (compared to 0–1 times per year) had a 21 percent lower risk of dying from heart disease. Similarly, this study of 495 heart attack patients found that having sex at least once a week was associated with a 10 percent drop in heart disease deaths and a significant 44 percent decline in non-heart disease mortality. If you or your partner have already experienced heart issues, our guide to sex after a heart attack can help you stay sexually active in a safe way.

• Enhanced cognitive health. In a study of over 6,000 U.S. adults, having more sex and  greater emotional closeness during sex led to better memory performance in subjects aged 50 and over.

• Strengthened immune function. Some research has shown a connection between sex and immunity. One study found that subjects who had sex more than three times a month were less susceptible to contracting COVID-19 from infected individuals because sex made them “more competent” to deal with pathogens.

• Pain relief. Sex and orgasm may help to relieve pain due to a release of endorphins, which are considered powerful analgesics. For men, simply being aroused may lessen pain.

Mental Health Benefits

In addition to more life satisfaction and greater connection to your partner, there are a number of other mental benefits to having sex, like:

• Lower levels of depression. A large study of over 2,500 older adults found that regular sex was associated with significantly lower rates of depression in both men and women, whether they were married or unmarried.

• Reduced stress. Thanks in part to that release of oxytocin we referenced above, research shows sex lowers stress to the same extent as physical exercise. It can also improve your stress response and even promote recovery from stress. These effects may be one reason why sex is considered good for your heart and overall health.

• Better sleep quality. A study that explored the effects of sex on sleep found that partnered sex that resulted in orgasm increased sleep quality in men and women. Masturbation with orgasm didn’t produce the same effects.

You don’t need to have sex every day to reap the benefits.

On average, most American couples have sex around once a week — but there’s no one-size-fits-all number when it comes to the ideal frequency of sex in a relationship. It’s up to you and your partner(s) to decide what amount of sex is right for you.

It’s also normal for sexual frequency to decline over time. Many studies show that couples tend to have less sex in long-term relationships, and that works for some people.

For instance, in this 2020 study, the longer a couple was together, the less they had sex, but men reported being more sexually satisfied. Remember, the quality of the sexual experiences you have is more significant than the frequency.

If your sex drive is low or you're having trouble getting your sexual needs met, our guides on how to initiate sex and how to revive a relationship sexually can help.

In the meantime, here are some other ideas for having better sex:

• Communicate your desires

• Try a sex toy

• See a sex therapist

• Don’t skip foreplay

• Use lube

• Role-play

• Ask about your partner’s fantasies

• Have sex somewhere new

• Have sex at a different time of the day

• Schedule sex

• Sext

• Explore all the different erogenous zones

• Get help for any sexual dysfunctions you or your partner may have

Sex isn’t the only valid form of intimacy either. If penetrative sex is not possible, it may be worth exploring other forms of physical affection to maintain a healthy sex life, whether that’s cuddling, oral sex, or something else entirely.

Are you having enough sex? That’s a question only you and your partner(s) can answer. But we can tell you that your sexual health is an important factor when it comes to your overall health and happiness. Keep in mind:

• Sexual frequency is linked to relationship satisfaction, but quality matters. More important than frequency is how satisfying your sexual encounters are.

• Sex strengthens intimate relationships. Sex releases the chemical oxytocin, which bonds partners to each other and increases positive feelings of empathy and trust.

• Men and women both value sex. However, men tend to value the internal aspects, such as physical pleasure, more. Women focus more on the interpersonal aspects, like emotional closeness.

• Sex has physical and mental health benefits. Physical benefits include better heart health, enhanced cognitive function, and pain relief. Mental benefits include lower levels of depression, less stress, and better sleep.

If you’re dealing with a sexual dysfunction like low libido (low sexual desire), erectile dysfunction (ED), or premature ejaculation (PE), there are treatments that can help. Contact a healthcare provider today to see if you qualify for ED medication or treatments for PE.