This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment. Learn more about our editorial standards here.
Dr. Martin Miner is the founder and former co-director of the Men’s Health Center at the Miriam Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island. He served as Chief of Family and Community Medicine for the Miriam Hospital, a teaching hospital of the Warren Alpert Medical School, from 2008 to 2018. The Men’s Health Center, under his leadership, was the first such center to open in the US. He is a clinical professor of family medicine and urology at the Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University in Providence and has been charged with the development of a multidisciplinary Men’s Health Center within the Lifespan/Brown University system since 2008.
Dr. Miner presently holds memberships in the American Academy of Family Physicians, the Rhode Island and Massachusetts Academy of Family Physicians, and the American Urological Association, and he is a fellow of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America. He is the former president of the American Society for Men’s Health and the current historian. He is the vice president of the Androgen Society, developed for the education of providers on the truths of testosterone therapy. Dr. Miner has served on the AUA Guideline Committees for erectile dysfunction, Peyronie’s disease, testosterone deficiency, and early screening for prostate cancer. He has served on the testosterone committees of the International Consultation on Sexual Medicine. He has presented both at the NIH and the White House on men’s health initiatives and has authored over 150 peer-reviewed publications and spoken nationally and internationally in multiple venues. He has co-chaired the Princeton III and is a steering committee member and one of the lead authors of Princeton IV, constructing guidelines for the evaluation of erectile dysfunction, the use of PDE5 inhibitors, and cardiac health and prevention.
Dr. Miner was chosen as the Brown Teacher of the Year in 2003 and 2007 and was recognized by the Massachusetts Medical Society’s Award as achieving the most significant contribution to Men’s Health: 2012.
Publications
Nehra, A., Jackson, G., Miner, M., Billups, K. L., Burnett, A. L., Buvat, J., Carson, C. C., Cunningham, G. R., Ganz, P., Goldstein, I., Guay, A. T., Hackett, G., Kloner, R. A., Kostis, J., Montorsi, P., Ramsey, M., Rosen, R., Sadovsky, R., Seftel, A. D., Shabsigh, R., … Wu, F. C. (2012). The Princeton III Consensus recommendations for the management of erectile dysfunction and cardiovascular disease. Mayo Clinic proceedings, 87(8), 766–778. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3498391/
Miner, M. M., Heidelbaugh, J., Paulos, M., Seftel, A. D., Jameson, J., & Kaplan, S. A. (2018). The Intersection of Medicine and Urology: An Emerging Paradigm of Sexual Function, Cardiometabolic Risk, Bone Health, and Men's Health Centers. The Medical clinics of North America, 102(2), 399–415. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0025712517301888?via%3Dihub
Miner, M., Morgentaler, A., Khera, M., & Traish, A. M. (2018). The state of testosterone therapy since the FDA's 2015 labelling changes: Indications and cardiovascular risk. Clinical endocrinology, 89(1), 3–10. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cen.13589
Miner, M., Rosenberg, M. T., & Barkin, J. (2014). Erectile dysfunction in primary care: a focus on cardiometabolic risk evaluation and stratification for future cardiovascular events. The Canadian journal of urology, 21 Suppl 2, 25–38. https://www.canjurol.com/abstract.php?ArticleID=&version=1.0&PMID=24978630
Erectile dysfunction is a condition in which you have trouble getting or keeping an erection firm enough for satisfying sex. Erectile dysfunction affects as many as 30 million men in the United States.
Premature ejaculation (PE) is a sexual dysfunction characterized by a short ejaculatory latency, a perceived lack of control about the timing of ejaculation, and distress and interpersonal difficulty related to ejaculating too quickly.
Low testosterone or testosterone deficiency, also known as hypogonadism, is a condition in which patients develop symptoms such as low sex drive, erectile dysfunction (ED), and fatigue because the body doesn’t produce enough testosterone.
Though many men don’t like to talk about it, ejaculation problems are very common. Some of the most common issues include premature, delayed, or retrograde ejaculation.
When you think of male sexual dysfunction, concerns like erectile dysfunction (ED) or premature ejaculation (PE) probably come to mind first. But there’s another sex-related issue that’s more common in men than you might expect: difficulty orgasming.
"I want to get and stay hard."
Sound like you? Start your free assessment to find treatment options that fit into your sex life.
Things are heating up in the bedroom, but despite wanting to have sex, you get a soft penis while getting intimate. What gives?
If this has happened to you, you probably know it can seriously impact your self-esteem.
People sometimes refer to a flaccid penis during sex with not-so-friendly terms like “limp dick,” “flaccid dick,” or “soft dick.” But the scientifically correct word is erectile dysfunction (ED). This type of male sexual dysfunction affects an estimated 30 million men in the U.S.
Soft erections can happen to anyone for various reasons, including psychological and physical causes. Thankfully, treatment options are available.
Like many men, you might be asking yourself, Why do I get soft during sex? We’ll answer this question, go over possible reasons for losing an erection, and offer solutions for sudden ED.
Losing an erection during sex or not being able to get it up at all can make intimacy challenging — to state the obvious.
Understanding the root cause (or causes) of going soft during sex is the first step to working toward a solution and fixing your sex life.
Here are five of the biggest reasons for a soft erection:
Performance anxiety
Too much to drink
Medication
Medical conditions
Recent ejaculation
Keep scrolling for more details about each possible explanation for a soft penis.
1. You Have Performance Anxiety
Think about the last time you prepared for an important presentation. You probably repeated the script in your head multiple times, imagining how it would go.
While a few butterflies can improve your focus, overthinking can do the complete opposite. The same can happen with sex.
So, if you’re wondering why you’re going soft after sex, it sex-related anxiety.
might be
Do you often feel self-conscious or worry about what your partner’s thinking to the point that it interferes with your ability to get or maintain an erection? It could mean you have sexual performance anxiety.
Nervousness before sex is normal, but being so overcome with fear and anxiety that it prevents you from getting pleasure or maintaining an erection isn’t. It’s a form of psychological ED.
There’s a real link between mental and sexual health. In fact, sexual performance anxiety affects an estimated nine to 25 percent of men, with a high prevalence of ED in those with anxiety disorders.
Performance anxiety arises as part of the body’s autonomic nervous system (“fight-or-flight”) response. So anxious thoughts about not performing in the bedroom could result in an unconscious physiological reaction that restricts small blood vessels in the penis, making it go limp.
When left untreated, sexual performance anxiety can lead to problems beyond a limp penis, like a total avoidance of sex, depression, and loss of libido.
2. You’ve Had Too Much to Drink
Alcohol has a reputation for lowering inhibitions and making people feel more sexually confident. However, some side effects of alcohol aren’t so pleasurable.
For one, drinking in excess can muddy the waters of consent. And it can mess with your ability to perform in the bedroom by leading to temporary alcohol-induced erectile dysfunction.
This happens for a few reasons:
Alcohol affects the central nervous system. By binding to receptors in your brain, alcohol initially boosts the neurotransmitter dopamine, also known as the “feel-good hormone.” But it also slows everything down, which makes it difficult to stay hard.
Alcohol can increase the need to use the bathroom. Alcohol acts as a diuretic. Frequent bathroom visits have a dehydrating effect that reduces total blood volume, a key factor in getting (and keeping) erections.
Alcohol-related dehydration can affect blood flow to the penis. When dehydrated, the body releases a hormone called angiotensin. It narrows blood vessels and raises blood pressure, restricting blood flow to penile tissues.
The bottom line is that drinking in moderation probably won’t affect erectile function. But in excess, alcohol and sex don’t really mix.
3. You’re on Medication
Many drugs act on the nervous and cardiovascular systems to treat various health conditions. Unfortunately, their involvement in these pathways could lead to ED as a sexual side effect. Some medications can also lower libido (sex drive).
Antidepressants. Lots of folks have success with antidepressants for mental health conditions. However, some can result in antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction, with symptoms like reduced sex drive, delayed ejaculation, and ED.
Recreational drugs. Substances like nicotine, marijuana, meth, heroin, and cocaine can restrict blood vessels, raise blood pressure, limit blood flow to the penis, and reduce libido.
Blood pressure medications. Healthy erections require adequate blood flow to the penis, which is limited when you have high blood pressure (hypertension). Some antihypertensives can promote ED by lowering the amount of blood available to the penis.
Chemotherapy drugs. Chemo drugs target cancer cells in the body, but some can block testosterone, increasing the risk of ED.
Antihistamines and decongestants. Antihistamines like Benadryl® (diphenhydramine) and pseudofed help alleviate allergic reactions by reducing the chemical histamine. Since histamine also helps relax smooth muscles to increase blood flow to the penis, drugs that counteract its effect can worsen ED.
Don’t let the potential risk of ED with certain medications prevent you from using something prescribed for you. Ultimately, you should also take prescription medication as directed by your healthcare provider.
That said, if you experience erectile dysfunction or other sexual side effects from a medication you need, tell your healthcare provider. They can help identify the cause and may be able to make a medication adjustment or suggest an alternative.
4. You Have a Medical Condition Causing ED
Going soft during sex can be frustrating. However, since ED is often a blood flow issue, it could point to something more serious going on with your health.
ED might be a sign of an underlying medical condition like:
It’s also possible for previous surgeries or internal injuries to impact erectile function. For instance, surgery or radiation for bladder or prostate cancer may create problems.
Additionally, injury to your pelvis, bladder, penis, prostate, or spinal cord could interfere with your ability to stay hard or cause hard flaccid syndrome.
Hard flaccid syndrome is a form of chronic pelvic pain resulting from having a constantly semi-rigid penis. If you’ve Googled “cumming while soft” after ejaculating with a semi-rigid penis, you may also feel pain if you have this condition.
Many other potential causes of ED aren’t mentioned here. Rather than try and self-diagnose, it’s best to start with a basic check-up with a urology specialist or another healthcare professional if you’re noticing an ongoing erectile issue.
5. You Already Ejaculated
Wondering, Why do I go soft after one round? You might just need to give yourself time.
The refractory period is the time after you orgasm and ejaculate during sexual intercourse or masturbation when it’s difficult or even impossible to get another erection. It’s often considered the last part of the sexual response cycle (the resolution phase).
The refractory period is different for every guy. It can range from a few minutes to a few hours. Younger men tend to have shorter refractory periods than older guys, but again, no two guys are the same.
Your healthcare provider is the best resource for medical advice when figuring out which ED treatment option to choose.
Psychotherapy
There’s no shame in seeking in-person or online therapy. In fact, we can all benefit from some type of therapy. And in many cases, ED has an underlying psychological cause.
Sex therapy might be a good fit for tackling ED issues. A sex therapist can help you and your partner improve your sexual satisfaction and overall relationship.
ED Medications
If your provider determines medication is appropriate for your ED, they may prescribe one of these:
Cialis®, sometimes called “the weekend pill,” and generic tadalafil
Stendra® and generic avanafil
Vardenafil, generic for Levitra®
The drugs above are PDE5 (phosphodiesterase type 5) inhibitors, which work by inhibiting an enzyme called PDE5. This relaxes blood vessels and increases blood flow, helping you maintain an erect penis.
Alternatively, you can get chewable ED medication in the form of hard mints. They contain sildenafil and tadalafil and come in customized dosages.
Premature Ejaculation Treatments
Maybe you’re able to maintain an erection during sex but have an untimely finishing problem. In that case, premature ejaculation treatments might make sense.
As with ED, several factors may be involved. PE can be triggered by psychological issues like depression, performance anxiety, stress, or having a highly sensitive penis.
Common remedies and treatments for PE include antidepressants, topical anesthetics, masturbation, sex therapy, and PDE5 inhibitors — or a combination of approaches.
Lifestyle Tips for ED
For long-term success with ED management, you’ll want to acknowledge which aspects of your lifestyle influence erectile health.
Choose healthy foods. Nutrition is deeply involved in every aspect of our health, including sexual function. Try eating healthier and incorporating foods for ED into your diet, like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, seeds, legumes, and lean proteins. Limit ultra-processed foods and sugary beverages.
Prioritize your heart health. Men with heart disease (or risk factors for it) are much more likely to have ED. Know your heart disease markers, like cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood pressure. Consider this a reminder to schedule your annual wellness visit.
Get moving.Research shows aerobic exercises — like jogging, tennis, or biking — can help reduce ED. (Yeah, sex burns calories, but to reap its aerobic benefits, addressing ED comes first.) Aim for 20 to 60 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise at least four days a week.
Don’t smoke. Men who smoke regularly have a higher risk of ED compared to non-smokers. Smoking damages blood vessels and reduces blood flow to the penis. The nicotine in cigarettes can also reduce sexual arousal. Plus, smoking wreaks havoc on your health in all sorts of other ways. If you need help quitting, one resource is the Tobacco Quitline: 1-800-QUIT-NOW.
Maintain a healthy body weight. Research shows that sexual dysfunction, including ED, is more common among men with obesity than those who maintain a healthy weight.
Just as ED is a multifactorial condition, its treatment should be, too.
A combination of lifestyle changes, mental health support, and medication — and honest conversations with your partner — will be the most effective long-term solution.
Experiencing a limp penis during sex can feel humiliating — or at the very least discouraging — but know you’re not alone. Erectile dysfunction is actually pretty common.
If you’re one of the millions of men suffering from ED and trying to overcome a soft penis, follow these steps:
Acknowledge that something isn’t right. Men are often taught to conceal personal struggles, but emotional suppression has no place in the 21st century. You can’t get the help you need without accepting there’s a problem — and ED is a very common one. The more we talk about sensitive topics, the less stigmatized they’ll become.
Let it all hang out, medically speaking. ED and sexual activity can feel awkward to discuss with your healthcare provider, but keeping your privates too private can prevent effective treatment. Your provider can also help you navigate how to know if you have ED. Discuss your symptoms openly, disclose any prescription, over-the-counter, and recreational drugs you’re using, and share the mental health challenges you’re facing. These can all contribute to ED.
Talk to your person. Going soft during sex doesn’t just affect you. Talking about it with your partner(s) can help prevent surprises in the bedroom and reduce tension. Confiding in them can also encourage closeness and understanding. By sharing that ED is a factor in your sex life, you can prevent your partner from assuming they’re doing something wrong.
Adhere to your treatment plan. Erectile dysfunction treatments are only effective if you follow them. Multiple factors cause ED in many cases, so the best treatment will likely involve more than one solution — like a combination of mental health support, medication, and lifestyle changes. Fully commit to what’s prescribed to you, and communicate any concerns or questions to your provider.
Ready to take the next step in understanding and treating your ED? Start by taking a free erectile dysfunction assessment on our men’s health platform.
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Erectile Dysfunction
Premature Ejaculation
Low Testosterone
Retrograde Ejaculation
Pelvic Floor Dysfunction
Anorgasmia