Can You Still Have Sex With Herpes? Here’s How I Do It

When Courtney Brame was 24, he was diagnosed with herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2), the leading cause of genital herpes. At the time, he didn’t know anyone else with herpes. He felt alone, even though herpes is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections (STIs). According to a fact sheet from the World Health Organization, HSV-2 affects an estimated 520 million people aged 15 to 49 worldwide.

Disclosing his diagnosis to potential sexual partners was initially incredibly uncomfortable for Courtney. He often self-sabotaged himself in potential sex and dating encounters before someone else had a chance to reject him.

Now, more than 10 years later, he’s not only found his own sense of confidence, but he also wants to help others who have HSV-2 find theirs. Courtney runs the nonprofit Something Positive for Positive People (SPFPP), which offers supportive resources for people with herpes who are navigating the virus’s stigma. He’s open about his diagnosis on social media, hosts a podcast, and provides stigma-free training on herpes for healthcare professionals

Here, Courtney shares details about getting his genital herpes diagnosis and, more specifically, how having HSV-2 has affected his sex life and relationships.

On the morning Courtney was diagnosed with HSV-2, he’d woken up with flu-like symptoms, including body aches, chills, and a fever. After stumbling to the bathroom to pee, he touched his genital area and found a nickel-sized cluster of visible sores that felt like the head of a cauliflower. Panicked, he yelled some expletives, prompting his grandmother, a nurse, to rush over and check on him. Minutes later, he was on his way to urgent care for medical advice.

The healthcare provider at urgent care gave Courtney a visual diagnosis of HSV-2. He received a prescription for the antiviral medication Valtrex^® (valacyclovir in generic form) and a pamphlet and then was sent on his way. (Other suppressive therapies for herpes infections include acyclovir and famciclovir.) He was also prescribed medication for gonorrhea and chlamydia, just in case he was exposed to those bacteria as well. 

He went on to take his medication at a frequency of twice a day, six hours apart, and herpes symptoms were completely gone after three days. (Note: Doctors typically prescribe doses to be taken 12 hours apart. Be sure to create a personalized medical regimen with your healthcare provider.)

When he came home from urgent care, Courtney had to make a few uncomfortable phone calls. He called his most recent partners to share his HSV-2 diagnosis and to ask if they had any symptoms.

Fortunately, they said no, which made Courtney feel relieved. He didn’t want to be known as “the guy who is giving people herpes.”

After all, to his knowledge, none of his friends had HSV-2. “I didn’t immediately feel like I could tell anyone,” says Courtney. When he finally did tell loved ones, he was met with a variety of responses, most of which were—to his surprise—positive and supportive. In fact, Courtney says most seemed to feel badly that he didn’t feel comfortable confiding in them right away.

Coutney’s first time disclosing his diagnosis to potential sexual partners happened on a Tinder chat after a match shared her asthma diagnosis with him and how it impacted her life. “Since we were talking about health conditions, I decided to share mine—and that was the last I heard from her,” he says. “Having to tell someone I have herpes was super uncomfortable in the beginning, because I didn’t really know when to tell them or how to tell them. It felt like all the power was in their hands. They got to decide how to move forward, if at all.”

But, over time, Courtney realized that telling someone he has HSV-2 should be a conversation, not a confession. “I began to get much more engaging reactions from partners. It wasn’t just limited to either ghosting or gratitude,” he says. “People had questions about condom use, antivirals, and—believe it or not—the more I started to tell people about it, the more people I learned had it themselves.”

Sometimes, the other person would share their status with him first. When that happened, he’d just talk to them as if he were someone who didn’t have herpes, allowing them to fully share their story. Then, he’d share his diagnosis, too.

Yes, you can still have sex with herpes, but your sex life may change.

For Courtney, self-sabotage was one of his worst habits.

“My sex life and dating changed because I often rejected myself before I’d let anyone else do it,” Courtney says. “‘That girl wouldn’t date me because I have herpes’ was a common story I told myself.” He adds this type of self-sabotage would ruin potential relationships before they started. But, in the beginning, it felt much easier to avoid hard conversations that might’ve ended in rejection. 

Eventually, as he grew more comfortable with his status and learned more about the prevalence of HSV-2 in the dating pool, he grew more confident and comfortable.

As far as actually having sex goes, it’s certainly possible to have a healthy sex life with herpes, whether you have herpes, your partner does, or you both do. Here are some helpful safe-sex tips to keep in mind.

• Pause sexual activity during an outbreak

• Consider taking antiviral medication to manage outbreaks and reduce transmission

• Learn the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2

• Practice safe sex by using condoms or dental dams during oral sex

• Acknowledge that the risk of transmission is never zero percent, even with limited skin-to-skin contact and other protective measures in place

Courtney started his nonprofit, Something Positive for Positive People, after learning that many people with herpes are at a higher risk of suicidal ideation. “I would see people post about suicidal ideation in these secret chats, subreddits, and Facebook groups,” says Courtney. “The herpes community is, quite honestly, not served.”

He does acknowledge that there’s a growing number of social media influencers who are open about their status and use their platforms for education and empowerment. Despite this, Courtney says people need more access to medical resources that healthcare professionals aren’t providing.

“The emotional support for navigating stigma is huge,” explains Courtney. “It often requires more conversations and guidance on learning to talk about their herpes status and sexual health.” That’s why, along with his nonprofit, he started his podcast in 2017(also called Something Positive for Positive People). On the show, he interviews people living with herpes. The podcast evolved into one-on-one peer-support calls, and then running stigma-free training for health professionals to support patients navigating their diagnosis.

Courtney is also a yoga therapist in training and believes yoga therapy can help people with herpes better regulate their stress. “In yoga therapy, the idea is to identify and restore balance where there is imbalance,” he says. “People with herpes may over-identify with the stigma, and yoga has a range of philosophies and practices to help us see ourselves beyond the limitations of this diagnosis.”

If you’re newly diagnosed with HSV-2, Courtney says it’s important to reach out to your support network. “Talk to your friends about what you’re experiencing,” he says. “Only loved ones, family, and friends can remind us of who we were before herpes locked us into a different false identity of stigma.”

If you’re dating someone with herpes, Courtney says to reflect on whether or not you like that person more than you don’t want herpes before moving forward. Because while you can absolutely have sex with someone with herpes, there’s no guarantee that you won’t contract the virus, regardless of how careful you are. 

But, he also wants people to know that while there’s always a risk of getting herpes, there's also the possibility of never getting it. Courtney says you might never experience herpes symptoms or contract virus from your HSV+ partner. In fact, though the most common symptoms of genital herpes are blisters and open sores, many HSV infections are asymptomatic. “It's just a tricky virus that you may or may not get, whether you have sex once or a hundred times with a person who has it.” 

Remember, if you’ve been recently diagnosed with herpes or you suspect you’ve been exposed to herpes, you’re not alone. It’s normal to feel stressed or overwhelmed if it’s your first outbreak, but remember that having HSV-2 doesn’t mean you have to be celibate. 

It might take some time to feel comfortable talking about your diagnosis. But ultimately, having openness can lead to greater understanding, connection, and even empowerment.

About Courtney Brame

Courtney Brame is the founder of Something Positive for Positive People (SPFPP), a nonprofit offering emotional wellness support for people navigating herpes stigma. He was diagnosed with HSV-2 in 2013, and decided to start SPFPP as a podcast aimed to share other people’s stories of living with herpes. The podcast evolved into a broader initiative providing peer support, stigma-free training for healthcare professionals, and yoga therapy for emotional wellness.

Through SPFPP, Courtney offers one-on-one peer support calls and yoga therapy sessions in order to help people process their diagnosis, build confidence in dating and disclosure, and manage stress—a common outbreak trigger. His work also equips healthcare professionals with tools to deliver an HSV diagnosis with compassion and practical support.

If you're newly diagnosed, struggling with stigma, or a professional looking to improve patient care, visit spfpp.org to schedule a support call, explore yoga therapy, or access free resources. You can also listen to the SPFPP podcast to hear firsthand stories of resilience, healing, and community.