Does an Erection Mean Attraction? An Expert Separates Fact From Fiction

I used to think I had erections figured out. Back in college, if I was making out with a guy and I felt him getting hard through his jeans, it was a clear sign he was into me. If he wasn’t getting hard, he wasn’t.

But things aren’t so black and white.

As a more experienced adult, I now know that erections sometimes fail to happen for many reasons that don’t always have to do with attraction — stress, fatigue, performance anxiety, alcohol, and more.

Plus, erections can also show up when a guy isn’t even thinking about sex. From morning wood to blood disorders, erections occur for several non-sexual reasons, too.

I wanted to find out if people understand the link between erections and attraction. So, I asked a few men and women, “Does an erection mean attraction?” Their answers were surprising and insightful.

Keep reading to find out what they said and how it stacks up against scientific research.

First, let’s get one thing straight. Attraction comes in many forms, not just sexual. There are different ways to break down the different types of attraction, but here’s one way to think about it.

They include:

• Physical attraction. You’re attracted to someone’s appearance but don’t necessarily want to pursue them sexually. You may still crave physical closeness and touch, though.

• Emotional attraction. You’re attracted to someone’s personality or characteristics, not necessarily their appearance.

• Romantic attraction. You want to have a romantic or intimate relationship with someone, which may or may not include sex. For instance, asexual people may desire a romantic partnership even if they don’t have sexual interest.

• Sexual attraction. You want to pursue sexual activities with people you’re sexually attracted to. It can trigger the physiological changes that accompany sexual arousal.

• Aesthetic attraction. You find something or someone visually appealing, but it’s not connected to sexual or romantic attraction.

Understanding the different types of attraction is important because not all result in erections. You can feel romantic or emotional attraction with or without getting hard. And guess what? The lack of an erection doesn’t make your feelings any less real.

Ever felt that magnetic pull toward someone? What’s really going on in your body and brain when that happens?

Let’s break down the factors that play a role in sexual attraction:

• The brain. When you’re attracted to someone, different areas of the brain, like the thalamus, hypothalamus, and amygdala, process erotic stimuli, and play a role in mate choice.

• Neurotransmitters. Sexual attraction can trigger the release of brain chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. These chemicals and others play a role in arousal.

• Hormones. Circulating gonadal hormones like testosterone and estrogen also play a role in regulating sexual motivation and behavior in men and women.

• Pheromones. Humans and animals secrete these chemicals to communicate with each other. Some studies show that pheromones may increase feelings of attraction and sexual desire—although more research is needed to understand the role of pheromones in humans.

• Familiarity. Some controversial research shows that we may be more sexually attracted to people who look like us or our family members.

An erection happens when your penis hardens from increased blood flow.

Your nervous system sends messages to your penis via your nerves, causing your muscles to relax, your blood vessels to widen, and the spongy tissues of your penis to become engorged with blood, making it easier to have sex.

Though erections often occur due to psychological stimulation, erections can also happen due to physical stimulation. Nocturnal erections (AKA morning wood) are another example of a type of erection that doesn’t necessarily have to do with psychological stimulation.

Not always.

“Erections are a mechanical process that occurs when blood flows into the penis faster than it leaves, causing pressure to build up. Sexual attraction and arousal, which occur in the brain, trigger this process by sending signals to the penis that increase penile blood flow–but other processes can affect the balance of blood inflow and outflow that have nothing to do with sexual attraction,” says Dr. Peter J. Stahl, MD, SVP of Men’s Sexual Health & Urology at Hims & Hers.

He points to blood disorders as a prime example of a non-sexual trigger for erections.

“In people with blood disorders, blood can sometimes get so thick that it can't flow out of the penis quickly enough. That causes a prolonged, painful erection that definitely has nothing to do with sex, and is a true medical emergency,” says Dr. Stahl.

When I asked around to see if people thought erections were always tied to attraction, most said no.

“No, I can get an erection for any random reason and if I manage to think about something else for a while it will subside,” said William*, 32.

He also told me he could get an erection and have casual sex with people he wasn’t attracted to.

What The Research Says

Studies on random or spontaneous erections show they can occur for some non-sexual reasons, including:

• Penile injuries

• Medications like certain anticoagulants and ADHD medications

• Alcohol or recreational drugs

Intimate touch and sexual thoughts can also contribute to erections and sexual excitement, even when you’re not feeling sexually attracted to someone.

Just like you can get an erection for non-sexual reasons, sometimes they don’t happen for non-sexual reasons too.

But it can be tough not to take it personally if your partner is having erectile difficulties.

When I asked Sunny, 37, if she’d feel less attractive if her partner had difficulty getting an erection, she said, “Absolutely. It’s a mood killer and makes me overthink if someone else is on his mind, if I’m attractive, or if I did something to turn him off.”

But men sometimes have difficulty getting hard or lose their erections during sex for a variety of reasons that include:

• Sexual performance anxiety

• Depression

• Medical conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, or low testosterone

• Side effects of medications (like antidepressants)

• Alcohol use

• Smoking

• Steroid use

• Refractory period after sex or masturbation

While you’re not alone if you have difficulty getting hard occasionally, ongoing issues may indicate a deeper issue. Erectile dysfunction (ED) is one of the most common sexual dysfunctions, affecting 30 million men in the U.S. alone. Fortunately, ED treatments are available, including prescription medication and psychotherapy.

There are also treatments for other sexual dysfunctions that can interfere with sexual function, like a low sex drive or premature ejaculation.

Can guys get hard for anyone, even someone they’re not attracted to? In some cases, yes.

By now you know that erections are a complex phenomenon that can happen for both sexual and non-sexual reasons.

Here’s what we know:

• Attraction comes in many forms. Beyond sexual attraction, there’s romantic, emotional, and aesthetic attraction — all completely valid but not always erection-triggering.

• Erections can occur for non-sexual reasons that have nothing to do with attraction. Penile injuries and certain medications can cause an erection.

• Erections can also fail for non-sexual reasons. Performance anxiety, alcohol, low testosterone levels, mental health issues, and many other factors can make it difficult to get an erection, even if you’re attracted to someone.

If you want to learn how to get and maintain better erections and improve your sex life, fill out an assessment today to get connected with a healthcare provider and discuss your treatment options.

*Name has been changed to protect privacy