If you've ever felt sexually attracted to someone whose gender isn’t the one you usually go for, it may be a sign that you’re sexually fluid.
If you've ever felt sexually attracted to someone whose gender isn’t the one you usually go for, it may be a sign that you’re sexually fluid.
Sexual fluidity means that your sexual orientation isn’t fixed. A sexually fluid person’s attractions, sexual behaviors, or sexual identity may change over their lifespan, typically in response to different situations, experiences, or people.
Sexual fluidity is different from having a fixed sexual orientation identity, like being exclusively heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or asexual.
Keep reading to learn more about the key aspects of a fluid sexuality, how to determine if you’re sexually fluid, and ways you can explore your own fluidity.
In a 2014 study of 188 young adults of same-gender orientation published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, 63 percent of females and 50 percent of males reported being sexually fluid in their attractions, highlighting how common fluidity is.
Two key characteristics of having a fluid sexuality include:
Variability in sexual attraction
Changes in sexual orientation labels
People experience sexual fluidity differently. Someone might feel attracted to different genders at different points in their life, or their romantic and sexual desires and activities may evolve in response to different situations.
Sexual fluidity also includes shifts in how individuals label or perceive their orientation.
For example, while bisexuality and pansexuality describe specific sexual orientations (attraction to multiple or all genders), sexual fluidity isn’t a fixed orientation. Many bisexual people may also identify as sexually fluid, especially if their attractions shift or expand over time. Sexual fluidity embodies the capacity for shifts in attraction or identity.
However, the sexual orientation abrosexuality is often used interchangeably with the term “sexual fluidity.” A glossary of gender identity and sexual orientation defines someone who is abrosexual as a person whose self-identified sexuality is changing or fluid.
Anyone can be sexually fluid if they find that their patterns of attraction are inconsistent and flexible.
And though early studies have suggested that sexual fluidity is more common in women than in men, it's difficult to draw strong conclusions about why these gender differences exist or how significant they are.
One study identified four different types of sexually fluid identities:
Erotic responsiveness to one’s less-preferred gender. In practice, this might look like feeling sexually or romantically attracted to a woman or non-binary person when you usually only feel drawn to men.
Situational variability in sexual responsiveness to one’s less-preferred gender. This might look like developing a crush on someone of your less-preferred gender because your preferred gender is unavailable for an extended period of time. For instance, say you typically dated and felt attracted to girls in high school, but then developed crushes on men while attending an all-male college. After college, you continued to be attracted to and date women despite your same-sex attractions in college.
Discrepancy between one’s attraction and one’s behavior. This might look like developing romantic partnerships with people of one gender and having sex with people of other genders. Or it can mean having only one type of sex or engaging in specific intimate activities with one gender (like kissing) and another type of sex with another gender (like sex).
Inconsistency in day-to-day attractions over time. In practice, this can look like going through a period where you’re strongly attracted to men, but later finding yourself more interested in women, and then potentially shifting back. Your attractions fluctuate over time, rather than staying consistent.
Not sure if you’re sexually fluid? Try asking yourself these questions:
Have you noticed shifts—over your life course or in recent years—in whom you’re sexually or romantically attracted to?
Have you ever been surprised by an attraction you felt to someone of a gender to which you aren’t usually drawn?
Do you develop feelings for different genders at different times or in different situations?
Do you feel like your romantic or sexual attractions are influenced by the context, such as an emotional connection or sustained proximity to someone?
Do you feel like your sexual or romantic attractions are more flexible compared to others?
Do you find yourself questioning your sexual orientation or identity?
Do you find yourself researching different sexualities or identities because you’re not sure which one to use?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, then you may be sexually fluid.
Attraction doesn’t always lead to action, so there’s no rule saying that you have to explore your sexual fluidity physically if you’re not up for it. If you are up for it, you can start off slowly and check in with yourself regularly to ensure that you feel comfortable.
Here are some ways you can start to explore sexual fluidity if you feel inspired to do so:
Do your research. Whether you read books on sexual fluidity or find sexually fluid content creators to follow on social media, there are so many stories of sex and sexuality out there that may resonate with you. Scope out what those communities look like online, or head to an LGBTQ+ bar or club, and be open to your responsiveness. Can you learn something new about yourself?
Talk to a mental health professional. Some sexually fluid people might feel confused or wonder if they’re simply going through a phase because of their evolving attractions. This is especially true if you grew up in an environment where sexuality was understood in limited terms. Talking to a therapist can help you develop some clarity around your sexuality and break down any barriers holding you back from living authentically. Seeking support can also support your overall sexual health by helping you make informed, comfortable decisions about your desires and boundaries.
Play with different labels or do away with them completely. If you’ve been describing your gender or sexual orientation one way your whole life even though it never felt 100 percent right, give yourself permission to play with different labels—or avoid them completely. Remember that this is your journey, and you can make up the rules as you go. You might even play with different settings on dating apps to see what it feels like to connect with new people under a different sexual orientation.
Sexual fluidity isn’t a phase, but it can change over time.
For instance, one 2019 paper that assessed the patterns of sexual identity and sexual behavior among teenagers noted a variety of changes over a three-year period. The researchers found that at some point during the study’s duration, 19 percent of study participants said they had at least one change in their self-labeled sexual identity, such as for labeling themselves as straight in year one and as bisexual in year two. Some young people experienced numerous changes, such as evolving from straight to bisexual between years one and two, and then back to straight in year three.
Studies support that sexual fluidity is linked to higher rates of depression and poor mental health. But this association may have less to do with being sexually fluid and more to do with the stigma attached to sexual fluidity, even if it’s unintentional..
For example, let’s say you grew up heterosexual and only experienced attraction to cisgender women. If you’re now attracted to transgender women, nonbinary folks, or gay men, you may feel reluctant to share your new attractions with friends and family out of fear of how they’ll react. This feeling of not being able to fully be yourself can negatively impact your mental wellness. This is why it’s important to seek out mental health support if your sexual fluidity is causing you distress.
Attraction doesn’t have to lead to action. It’s also possible to only want to have sex or a specific type of sex with one gender and explore different types of intimacy with another gender. Remember, there are no rules.
If you’re in a monogamous relationship and have an unexpected attraction to someone else, it doesn’t mean you’ll act on these new attractions or that your relationship is a lie. Again, speaking with a mental health professional can be a huge help in understanding and accepting how you feel and exploring sexual fluidity safely and ethically.
Sexual fluidity reflects the diverse nature of human sexuality in the best way. Here’s what we know about sexual fluidity, and how you can explore on your own terms:
Sexual fluidity means your sexuality is flexible, not fixed. Sexual fluidity means that your sexual attractions and identity can shift over time in response to different situations and experiences.
Sexual fluidity can look different for everyone. It may involve changes in attraction, behavior, or the labels you use to describe yourself. Sexual fluidity includes experiences like unexpected attractions, evolving romantic feelings, and not fitting neatly into traditional orientation categories.
You can be sexually fluid and not act on your attractions.
Having fluid attractions doesn’t mean you’ll act on them, and it doesn’t invalidate a current relationship or identity. You can also have sex or one type of sex with one gender while having entirely different intimate experiences with another. There are no rules, except the ones you make up as you go.
If you want to read about more ways to explore your sexuality, find out how to be aBlog Callout: Edit Standards sexually confident man, learn the difference between top and bottom dynamics, and find new ways to spice up your sex life.
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