Ever wake up to a very confused bedmate? Or maybe you’ve opened your eyes to a suspiciously misplaced pair of boxers?
*All images feature a model portrayal
(unless otherwise noted).
Ever wake up to a very confused bedmate? Or maybe you’ve opened your eyes to a suspiciously misplaced pair of boxers? If you've ever been told you were getting frisky in your sleep, but you don’t remember a thing, you might be dealing with more than a weird dream. It could be a case of sexsomnia, also known as sleep sex.
Sexsomnia is a legit sleep disorder that falls under the category of parasomnias (a category that includes behavioral sleep abnormalities like sleepwalking).
Keep reading to understand exactly what sexsomnia entails, why it happens, how common it is, and what you can do to stop it. Because while "sleeping with someone" might sound like a euphemism, this real-deal condition brings a whole new meaning.
Officially known as sexsomnia, sleep sex is a parasomnia, which means it involves unusual behaviors during sleep. The condition is a recognized psychiatric disorder in the standard diagnostic manual, DSM-5 (the go-to source on mental health- and brain-related conditions), and it falls under the umbrella term of Disorders of Arousal (DOA).
Unlike other sleep conditions that might have you making a sandwich at 2 a.m. or engaging in a full-on conversation while you snooze, sexsomnia is much more intimate—and can have more serious consequences.
Men with sexsomnia may engage in sexual acts like masturbation, moaning, fondling a partner, or even attempting intercourse while asleep. Sometimes sexsomnia may involve violence or aggression. And people who have sexsomnia don’t remember these episodes occurring.
Sexsomnia happens during non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep—the same stage associated with sleepwalking and night terrors. Think of it like your body going into autopilot mode, except it picks a channel that’s not exactly PG-rated.
The idea of having sexual intercourse or engaging in other sexual behaviors while asleep can bring up a lot of feelings—like confusion, frustration, and even distress—especially if you share a space with a partner or roommate.
Remember: Sexsomnia is a real medical condition, and it’s important to get it properly diagnosed and treated.
While it can be surprising to learn that you’ve been doing unexpected things in your sleep, sexsomnia doesn't just come out of nowhere. While it doesn’t always have a clear-cut cause, there are certain components that make it more likely to develop.
Some of the more common triggers of sex sleep include:
Sleep deprivation. We all eventually do weird things when we’re trying to function on empty. Not getting enough shut-eye can disrupt your brain’s normal sleep cycles, increasing the risk of parasomnias like sexsomnia.
High stress levels. If your mind is in overdrive during the day, that tension may carry into your sleeping hours in the form of parasomnias.
Alcohol or recreational drug use. These substances can mess with your sleep architecture, increasing the likelihood of abnormal behaviors occurring during deeper sleep stages.
Certain medications. Especially sleep aids, antidepressants, or antipsychotics, which can affect brain chemistry and increase the risk of parasomnias.
Underlying sleep disorders. If you have an existing sleep condition, like obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) or restless leg syndrome, these may fragment your sleep and make you more susceptible to having parasomnia episodes.
Neurological issues or a history of trauma. Trauma has lasting effects that aren’t always obvious or predictable. Although less common, some individuals may develop sexsomnia in the context of brain injury, epilepsy, or past psychological trauma.
Figuring out what’s triggering your sexsomnia episodes (which may be multiple things) is essential for addressing it.
Having sexcapades in your sleep might not be something you bring up at poker night, so it’s probably not surprising that it’s an underreported parasomnia. The stigma, embarrassment, and fear of legal or relational consequences keep many cases in the dark.
Research estimates that sexsomnia affects some fraction of the estimated two to four percent of adults dealing with other DOA parasomnias, like sleepwalking or night terrors. Could the actual number be higher? Sure, we just don’t have specific data.
Sleep sex also seems to be more prevalent in men than women, especially those who have other existing non-rapid eye movement–related parasomnias. Also, if you’re in a relationship, it’s more likely for your partner to notice your behaviors than for you to remember them.
Sexsomnia could develop in any person, but there are some risk factors that may make you more likely to experience it:
Having existing parasomnias
Excessive alcohol consumption
Using recreational drugs
Having sleep disorders, like sleep apnea or narcolepsy
Bruxism, or involuntary grinding of your teeth at night
Chronic stress, anxiety, or depression
Having poor sleep hygiene
Taking medications that affect the central nervous system, like SSRI antidepressants or sleep aids
Sexsomnia may cause embarrassment, shame, guilt, or even legal ramifications.
First, sleep sex can cause strain and distrust within relationships. Your bed partner might feel hurt, confused, or even violated if a sexual behavior took place while you were unaware and asleep.
It’s hard to explain and understand a situation where your body does something of which your mind is not conscious. And if there’s no communication or responsibility taken, this may lead to your partner feeling uncomfortable sleeping next to you.
Legally, there may also be consequences. In rare case reports, sexsomnia has been used as a legal defense in situations involving non-consensual sexual contact or sexual assault. The idea is that the person was asleep and not in control of their actions—basically claiming amnesia.
However, this is a very murky area, and sexsomnia isn’t a universal defense for inappropriate or nonconsensual behavior. What’s considered medical in one courtroom might be considered criminal in another, especially if the person affected by your behavior didn’t consent or feels harmed.
Cases of sexsomnia should always be taken seriously, whether there’s a fear of legal consequences or not. This condition isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility to address it once it’s known.
Diagnosing sexsomnia isn’t as simple as running a quick blood test.
It usually starts with a detailed sleep history and reports from a partner or roommate who has witnessed your episodes. Because someone experiencing sexsomnia often has no memory of the behavior, these outside observations are crucial.
A sleep specialist might recommend an overnight sleep study or a video-polysomnography to rule out other conditions like sleep apnea, seizures, or other parasomnias. If you do have sleep apnea, a continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machine will likely be discussed as a treatment option.
In some cases, a neurological exam or electroencephalography (EEG) or mental health assessment is needed to identify contributing factors.
Getting a proper diagnosis is important not just for peace of mind but also to create a treatment plan that addresses both the behaviors and underlying causes.
If you suspect you have sexsomnia, it’s important to take action, and there are several things you can do right away to start getting the condition under control.
Everyday lifestyle habits like the following play a significant role in your physical and mental health. They also stand to improve the quality of your sleep:
Stick to a sleep schedule. Experts recommend adults get seven to nine hours of sleep per night. To help make this happen, create a schedule—and follow it. For example, this might look like going to be at 9 p.m. so you can wake up at 5:30 a.m. feeling rested.
Keep alcohol in check. Alcohol may make you feel sleepy, but it’s a known sleep disruptor. If you drink, do so in moderation (up to two drinks per day for guys).
Limit screen use close to bed. Phones, laptops, TVs, and tablets emit blue light, which can be problematic when used later into the night. Blue light disrupts the secretion of melatonin, the hormone that makes us sleepy. Over time, this can interfere with your circadian rhythm and make it harder to reach deep sleep.
Create a calming bedtime routine. Things like taking a warm shower or bath, reading a book, journaling, meditation, or listening to calming music can lower stress levels and help prepare your body and mind for rest.
Talk to your partner or roommate. Communication is key, whether it’s a partner sleeping next to you or a roommate who may notice. They may be able to help identify episodes of sexsomnia that you don’t know about, which can be helpful in addressing the issue with a professional.
Secure your sleep space. Sometimes, sleeping in separate rooms from partners or roommates, or installing locks, may be necessary to ensure everyone feels safe and comfortable in your home while parasomnias are managed.
Read more in our guide to sleep hygiene tips.
Lifestyle habits are important, but sometimes they’re not enough to effectively treat sexsomnia. It’s also important to seek additional professional treatment options, especially if sexsomnia is ongoing or affecting others.
Here are some ideas:
Talk to a mental health professional. If an expert suspects trauma, anxiety, or stress to be a contributing factor, they may recommend therapy as part of your treatment plan.
Medication. In some cases, sleep medicine experts may prescribe clonazepam, low-dose antidepressants, or other medications that reduce parasomnia activity.
A team-based approach. Often, the best outcomes come from a multidisciplinary plan involving sleep doctors, therapists, and sometimes neurologists, working together.
Ultimately, seeking professional treatment and guidance is a critical step for getting parasomnias like sleep sex under control.
Although sleep sex might sound bizarre or even funny, it’s not a joke. Ignoring sexsomnia doesn’t make it go away, and not communicating with your partner will just make things worse. Fortunately, this very real parasomnia can be treated, so everyone can rest easier.
Here’s what to remember:
Lifestyle choices can exacerbate sexsomnia. Triggers like poor sleep, alcohol, and stress can all play a big role in sexsomnia. Certain lifestyle shifts can help treat and prevent future episodes.
Sexsomnia doesn’t just impact the person who has it. If you have a partner or roommate who may be affected by your unconscious sexual activity, it’s important to communicate about it.
It can be helpful to seek professional support. This might include medications, therapy, or other interventions to improve sleep disruption and underlying factors.
If you’re dealing with sexsomnia or another sleep disorder, don’t let it go unaddressed. Talk to a sleep expert or other trusted healthcare provider for guidance. The sooner it’s tackled, the sooner you can rest without worrying about unintended consequences.
Hims & Hers has strict sourcing guidelines to ensure our content is accurate and current. We rely on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. We strive to use primary sources and refrain from using tertiary references. See a mistake? Let us know at blog@forhims.com!