Why I Had an MFM Threesome

Going into his first-ever MFM threesome, George* had one main worry: What if he couldn’t pleasure his wife as well as the other guy? But that concern didn’t stop him from fulfilling her fantasy of sleeping with two men at once.

Commonly, when heterosexual men fantasize about threesomes, they imagine themselves sandwiched between two gorgeous women. But would you consider pursuing a threesome with another man if it were your female partner’s long-time fantasy? Or perhaps, you realized you were curious about the dynamic as well.

We talked to George, a 46-year-old married heterosexual man who fulfilled his wife’s dream of having an MFM sexual threesome, whether he enjoyed himself. He told us what it was like and whether he’d ever do it again.

The meaning of an MFM threesome, or a male-female-male threesome, is group sex involving one woman and two men, with no direct male-to-male contact. Also known as a devil’s threesome, the MFM threesome differs from an MMF threesome, which also involves one woman and two men. In an MFM threesome, the men only have sexual contact with the woman, but in an MMF threesome, they also have sexual contact with each other.

Another variation of the MFM threesome is cuckolding, in which a boyfriend or husband shares his female partner, or hotwife, with another man. The male partner gets off on watching without participating.

What Is an MFM Relationship?

An MFM relationship is similar to an MFM threesome in terms of its setup as a male-female-male dynamic. But it’s more than a passing encounter. An MFM relationship is a polyamorous relationship dynamic in which a woman is romantically involved with two men who are not in a relationship with each other. The woman is the primary partner for both men, and each man has a separate relationship with her.

A common misconception about MFM threesomes and MFM relationships is that the two men must be secretly gay or bi to participate. This is far from the truth.

George says he didn’t plan on doing anything sexual with the other man during the threesome. It’s also worth noting that this wasn’t their first foray into non-monogamy. George and his wife identify as swingers and had already participated in threesomes with women, swapped with other couples, and taken part in orgies. “I’ve had lots of opportunities to be with men, and it was never really tempting for me,” he says.

George says having a threesome with another man had been his wife’s longtime fantasy. Research has concluded that threesomes are among the most popular sexual fantasies for men and women. In a study of 4,175 Americans by psychologist Justin Lehmiller, PhD, of the Kinsey Institute, just 5 percent of men and 13 percent of women surveyed said they’d never fantasized about having sex with more than one person at the same time.

Along with threesomes, many men and women indicated that they liked the idea of larger group sex as well. While many of the men were open to FFM threesomes involving two women and one man, more women were open to MMF threesomes, in which the men had sex with her and with each other.

In a limited 2018 study of 16 women who had previously participated in at least one mixed-sex threesome, most of the women similarly expressed an interest in MMF threesomes. Along with being sexually aroused by the idea of watching two men interact sexually, the female participants said MMF threesomes created a safer, less objectifying environment.

But that wasn’t the case for George and his wife. She hadn’t expressed any interest in seeing the two men have sexual contact, and she already knew George’s preference for not doing so.

There isn’t enough research conducted on the specific demographic of heterosexual men regarding MFM threesomes to conclude with confidence whether this group fantasizes about the sex act. But, Lehmiller’s findings did show that men were more open to FFM threesomes.

As for George, though he didn’t share his wife’s desire for an MFM threesome, that didn’t stop him from wanting to please her. “It wasn’t my fantasy,” he says. “But I was willing to fulfill one of her fantasies and I kept an open mind.”

According to psychologist Claudia Giolitti-Wright, LMFT, founder and clinical director of Psychotherapy for Young Women in New York City, being open to exploring a partner's fantasies can be a sign of a healthy, secure relationship. “It reflects a foundation of trust, communication, and emotional safety, where both partners feel comfortable expressing their desires without fear of judgment,” she says. But, she added, it’s important to approach these experiences with mutual consent and emotional clarity: “For someone feeling nervous about fulfilling their partner’s sexual desires, I recommend having honest conversations about boundaries, expectations, and emotional needs before, during, and after the experience.”

How did George get past his fear about the other guy in the MFM threesome pleasing his wife better? George saw it as a learning opportunity. “I reminded myself that if [the other guy] did the trick better, maybe he could give me some tips,” he says.

George says he was also pleasantly surprised by some aspects of the experience. Aside from enjoying seeing his wife be pleasured, he also liked the sensation of double penetration (vaginal), which he’d only ever seen in hardcore porn.

Research shows that most adults who have mixed-sex threesomes report positive outcomes, especially if their romantic partner was involved (in contrast to having a threesome with two strangers).

Other studies suggest that while threesomes can cause jealousy, open communication and setting boundaries can help reduce these feelings and even support monogamy rather than threaten it.

“Sexual boundaries are a very important part of self-care,” says marriage and family therapist Becky Whetstone, PhD, author of the book I (Think) I Want Out: What To Do When One of You Wants To End Your Marriage. “A person should safely be able to say no to their partner for any reason and not receive a negative response in return.”

The boundaries George and his wife had set were simple: Either of them could stop the experience at any time for any reason, nobody gets left out, and condoms were a must.

Of course, there’s always a chance things won’t go well. Someone might get jealous, feel left out, or find the experience uninteresting.

George says that, in addition to the concern that his wife would enjoy the other guy best, he worried about being able to perform. “I had a fear of being intimidated and not being able to stay hard.”

Because he sometimes struggles with sexual performance anxiety when sleeping with new people in the swinging community, George says he occasionally takes sildenafil (generic Viagra®). He did the same thing before the MFM threesome.

Despite taking sildenafil, George says he lost his erection a couple of times. After all, ED drugs only help you get an erection if you’re sexually aroused, and there were aspects of the threesome George didn’t like. Having not made his boundaries clear enough beforehand, he was surprised when the other male partner grabbed his penis “with a rough hand” and tried to give him a blowjob. However, the guy quickly realized George’s surprise and disinterest and backed off.

Setting up the MFM threesome was easy for George and his wife. They had been using the Feeld dating app to find sexual partners for over two years. They only ever played together, but they each had separate accounts and messaged potential partners separately.

George’s wife had expressed her interest in an MFM threesome on her profile, which made it easy to find candidates. She received several messages from interested men and chose a bisexual man.

If it’s your first time having a threesome, it’s normal to feel nervous. George recommended meeting the guy in a public place to vet him thoroughly as they approached the scenario with an open mind.

“Talk with the guy to get to know him and feel safe,” he says. “This particular guy was nice and had a cool personality and didn’t make me feel there would be any competitiveness. It seemed he was into me, too. I think a warm-up to the experience would be to swing with another couple, if that’s an option, and check your feelings around watching your wife have sex with another man.”

“It’s okay to feel uncertain,” adds Giolitti-Wright. “What matters most is that both partners feel heard, respected, and connected throughout the process.”

Feeling uncertain is one thing, but you should never do anything you don’t want to do sexually, even if it means disappointing your partner.

“When a spouse asks to do things outside our comfort level, we must advocate for ourselves diplomatically and say no,” advises Whetstone. “Sexual rejection is best done tenderly, as so many people's egos are fragile, and being told ‘no’ is something they wrongly take personally.”

MFM threesomes aren’t just for pornstars. If you’ve ever been turned on by an amateur hotwife compilation, it’s possible to re-create those scenes in your own homemade threesome. Doing so just takes a little planning, boundary-setting, and introspection. Who knows? You might even want to do it again after the fact.

As for George, though the MFM threesome wasn’t his favorite experience, he says he’d do it again with the “right person” for one simple reason: He likes giving his wife a thrill.

If you’re thinking of having an MFM threesome, be sure to prioritize safe sex, set clear boundaries, and go into the experience with an open mind. But never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Fantasies don’t always have to become a reality.

*Indicates that names have been changed to protect privacy